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“No,” he says simply. “You had your chance to go out with the nice version of me, and you fucking blew it. So don’t go crying to your daddy anymore because if something happens to my family again…what I did to you tonight will feel like the sweetest sex you’ve ever had in your life.”
“Caden, I promise you I didn’t know what they were going to do,” I choke on a sob.
“But you knew they were going to do something,” he says. He sounds so disappointed in me, so betrayed. “And you chose not to tell me. See, after Jade jumped you, I told everyone they’d have to deal with me if they touched you. You? You just let them come at me without as much as a warning. That’s the difference between you and me.”
“Please,” I shake my head, refusing to accept that our good times are over. Tears stream down my face, and I do my best to wipe them as they come. “Don’t leave me like this. Just stay. Stay, and we can talk through it. We can make this right. If you leave now, it really…it truly feels like…”
His smirk sends a chill down my spine. “Like you were my victim?”
I nod at the same time as I sniffle. I run my forearm under my nose and push some strands of untamed hair away from my face. I feel dirty, soiled by it all. His cum is still sticky on my breasts, and my whole body is aching. “Please…”
“You look beautiful when you’re broken,” he says softly. He turns to the window again and, like a nightmare disappears when you open your eyes, he escapes into the night.
Right where he belongs.
17
BILLIE
Follow You - Bring Me The Horizon
“And please go to bed early tonight,” Dickie insists before sliding into his car.
This has been the most awkward conversation of my life. He’s been eyeing my bruises all week without saying anything, too focused on training me. Tonight, he finally asked. And I had to explain that, no, I haven’t been attacked. Rather a boy I had sex with left hickeys on me.
I’m not even sure if it was a lie or not. I’ve had rough sex before, even though that was more than that. That was Caden not holding himself back. It hurt, it was violent, and I enjoyed it much more than I should have. But at the end of the day, I still can’t process whether I was attacked. I don’t feel like it, and a part of me is ashamed of that. A part of me wants to say I was and that the fact that I didn’t have a choice means it was wrong. It didn’tfeelwrong, though. It felt fucking fantastic. The only thing that felt wrong was the guilt because I didn’t warn him NSC was planning something. Now his dad is dead, and his nieces were put in danger.
“Hey,” Dickie says before closing his door. “You’re going to be amazing. Get some rest, I’ll see you tomorrow, Billie Unbeatable Scott.”
I smile at him, but my stomach twists. It’s always like that the night before a fight. I feel sick and useless, praying for the best. I will only feel my confidence returning once I’m in the cage.
Tomorrow is my last fight before Killer Clover. I’m fighting some girl from the south bank. It’s going to be in the nice gym and it’s probably going to be packed. The further I get to the finals, the busier the fights get. It’s still a small amateur gym, although the feeling differs from the North Shore. It’s more official.
I’m scared since I know I haven’t trained to the best of my abilities recently. But Dickie has faith in me, and Taylor will be watching, so I’m going to give it all I have.
I just wish my mind wasn’t always so distracted by Caden. The last time I saw him was Monday night when he sneaked into my mom’s trailer. It's Friday, and I haven’t heard from him since then, but I know the Kings have been busy sorting out the funerals.
His father died because of my family. Murders between the Kings and NSC happen. They’re not exactly common, but when one crew tries to take over the other, it’s bound to lead to serious shit. I wish it hadn’t been Caden’s dad. Even though he hated him, a cold-blooded man like him must feel emotions from time to time. Caden’s not a psychopath. He is a man made of an intricate tapestry of feelings. He simply taps on the damaging ones more often than the sympathetic ones. And by more often, I mean most of the time. Always, actually. Regardless, I know there’s more to him.
I get in my car and grab my phone before leaving just to look at our conversation. I’ve sent a few texts since Monday, but he’s not responded to any of them. I wanted to check on him, to see if there was anything I could do for support. I know I shouldn’t expect a reply; we’re enemies, after all. Despite that, I’m dying to share something special with him. Something more than him just fucking me and throwing me away. Something that would mean he’s forgiven me for not warning him NSC was coming after his family.
I hit my head against my headrest. Every time I think this way, I want to slap myself. Caden never apologized for the wrong he did to me, and yet here I am, feeling like shit for something I didn’t even do.
I start my car and head home to my dad’s. I need a hot tea and a calm night.
“Fuck my life,” I mumble as I push my front door open. There’s a raging party going on in my house. It’s the first time I’m back home this week and I fully intended to run to my room and avoid everyone.
I’ve been sleeping at my mom’s house and ignoring my sister’s and Xi’s incessant calls. Spending more time with Mom than usual has been nice, and her meds have been doing her some good now that she’s getting used to them. She’s been lovely to hang out with, and we enjoyed some much-needed mother-daughter time together.
“Whoa.” Some guy’s eyes widen as he sees me. His name is Logan, and one of Xi’s dealers. “Did you get beaten up or something, Billie?”
Another small dealer is with him, Nolan. He looks at my bruises, and a smile consumes his face. “Damn, is that from boxing?”
My grimace is from confusion until I remember I’m still sporting Caden’s hickeys. No one except my mom and Dickie has seen me this week. Since I can’t see the bruises, I tend to forget about them.
I slap my hand against my jaw and shoulder him out of the way, hurrying to my room without stopping for anyone. The music is loud as fuck, and I find Murder on my bed, her head buried under my pillow.
“Hey, girl,” I say as I close my door. The bass makes the window tremble, and she barks out a whimper. “Aw, no. It’s nothing. It’s just music, baby.” I put a knee on the bed as I rub her back and she finally pops her head out. “Hey!” I smile at her. She is so happy to see me, her tail wagging as she jumps on me. “Oh yes, that’s a big girl. I missed you too!” I laugh.
