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My one and only dream is slowly disappearing and instead leaving space for the true nightmare that is my life.
Blood tastes like copper in my mouth.
And defeat tastes bitter.
The ref calls the end of the fight before I pass out, and I hear it all. The cheers for that other girl. Her crystal-clear shriek of happiness. The way she asks me if I’m okay, because she’s a nice girl like that. I roll onto my side, curling into a ball as I put my gloves over my ears.
I can’t fucking listen to this; the sound of her victory. The concerned tone in Dickie’s voice.
My coach helps me up, grabbing me by the waist and keeping me standing up while they announce that the other girl is the winner by TKO and will go on to fight Killer Clover next month.
Really, all I hear is that Billie Scott wasn’t so unbeatable, after all.
21
BILLIE
Ghost town - JVKE
My sobs are unstoppable in the locker room. Dickie is by my side when Taylor explains that he won’t be able to take me on. Our contract was only viable if I went on to fight Clover and won that fight. My forearms are on my thighs, my wrists hanging between my legs, and my head down. I’m not looking at him, but I hear every word.
His voice is business-like, even when he announces that he’s sorry. He does put a hand on my shoulder, though, telling me that professional fighting is not for everyone.
My eyes have been focused on the floor for so long, I can’t lift my head anymore. Dickie insists that he wants to look at my face. Drops of blood are falling in front of me from my nose and eyebrow. I watch the blood landing on the floor, but I can’t be bothered to take care of myself at this moment.
“Billie, come on. This isn’t the end of the world.”
No, it’s the end ofmyworld. Everything I worked so hard for. All the early morning runs, the hours at the gym, the dieting, the no alcohol and drugs rule. My whole life was built around professional MMA. And just like that, it’s gone.
So what do I live for now?
Where’s my ticket out of the North Shore?
“I need to look at your cuts,” Dickie insists.
“Please, leave me alone,” I say weakly as I inhale some much-needed oxygen into my lungs. Another sob wracks me, and it feels like I didn’t even try to breathe, to begin with.
“I’ll leave you alone as soon as I’ve fixed you up, kiddo.”
“I got this,” a deep voice says. “I’ll make sure she’s taken care of before she goes home.”
Caden.
When did he come in? I don’t want him to see me like this. I don’t want anyone to see me ever again. The embarrassment of losing a fight is too much to take.
I sense Dickie’s hesitation. Maybe because he notices Caden’s crown tattoo on his neck. His allegiance to his gang. Maybe because he’s never seen him before and doesn’t want to leave me at the hands of a stranger.
I’m not sure what Caden says, I’m not listening, but Dickie leaves eventually.
I feel Caden crouch in front of me, and the next second he puts two fingers under my chin, forcing my head up. His piercing green eyes send my entire body into overdrive.
It was humiliating enough to lose. It’s utterly destructive that it happened in front of Caden.
Without saying anything, he helps me up and gets me in the shower for the second time today. This time he’s even the one who brushes my teeth. Afterward, he dries me and helps me into my clean clothes before sitting me on the bench again and taking care of my broken face.
The tears haven’t stopped running, but the sobs are not shaking my body anymore. I’m just silently letting the pain fall down my cheeks.
I wince when Caden pushes a little too hard on my eyebrow cut as he disinfects it.
