Page 103 of Heartless Beloved


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I have no control over my body when it attempts to step back. Xi is still holding my wrist and the tub is tiny, so there’s nowhere for me to go when he easily pulls me back.

I shake my head. “You know me.” I give him a dishonest smile. “I’m just a baby chick.”

The corner of his lips curls up, but there’s no humor in it. “I’m going to ask you something personal, and if you’re not ready to open up to me, that’s okay. But I promise you, you can do so safely if you wish.”

My tongue darts out to lick my lower lip and I nod.

“Those seizures you have…” He lets his sentence hang to incite me to finish his it, except my brain refuses to keep going. “Do you have epilepsy?” he asks.

I turn my head away. “No,” I rasp. “It’s called PNES.”

“PNES?” It’s so clear that he’s fully invested in discovering me, in exploring the depth of my soul and my complicated mind.

I stare down at his hand still holding my forearm, the loofah just pressed softly against my skin. “Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures. It’s a…um…it happens to some people as a, as a,” I feel my ears ringing as I stutter. “Sorry.”

His hold tightens. “Hey, no need to apologize.” He grabs my chin and makes me look up at him. “Take your time. If we don’t talk about it tonight, we’ll talk about it another time. Alright?”

I blink up at him. There’s so much understanding in his eyes. “It’s a response to intense trauma.”

I watch the way his breathing stops for a few seconds, his gaze locked on mine. He nods to himself, before running a hand across his face. I notice he does that when he’s in way over his head. “I see,” he finally says.

“I’ve learned to live with them.” I suddenly feel the need to reassure him. I want to wipe away the look of guilt on his face. He’s done nothing wrong; it’s all me. “They don’t happen that often. I mean, they have lately because…everything in my life is changing, but I promise it’s not something you’d ever have to deal with. Well, you have but—”

His lips on mine cut off my babbling. His tongue demands access, and I part my lips for him, letting him show me that he cares through a passionate kiss. When he pulls away, he runs his thumb against my lips again.

“I’m sorry.” The depth of truth in his words makes me shiver.

My lips still graze his thumb when I answer. “What for?”

“For what happened to you. I truly am.”

There’s that thing between human beings. We’re animals before anything else, and sometimes words aren’t needed for someone else to understand what one has been through.

“If you’ve learned to live with your attacks, I’ll learn to live with them, too.”

My heart…it’s doing incredibly strange things right now. An hour ago, I was furious at him for disappearing. Everything is telling me to run away from this man. And yet, when he slides his hands to the back of my head and drops another peck on my lips, I melt for him as I’ve never done for anyone prior.

He threads his fingers through mine, looking at my professionally manicured nails. And since he seems to understand me like no one ever has, he changes the topic. “Pink. You love that color.”

“It’s fuchsia,” I correct him. “It’s my favorite.”

He cocks an eyebrow at me, showing he knows I can’t help but correct the smallest of errors. “I like it on you.”

He moves to the rest of my body, and I wince when he washes me between my legs. “Sore?” he rasps, undoubtedly turned-on by the idea.

“Y-yeah,” I murmur as his movements become slightly harsher.

He puts a hand at my neck, pressing until I gaze up at him. “Good. Remember this next time your ex wants to have a conversation with you.”

I gulp, feeling myself tingling all over again. Why do I feel so turned-on by this?

He finishes washing me and helps me out of the tub. While I dry myself, he grabs a clean hoodie and gives it to me. It’s a simple black hoodie. Just as I’m putting my uniform skirt back on, his phone rings. He grabs it from his back pocket and his brows furrow.

“I have to take this. I’ll just be one sec.”

He leaves the room, and by the time I’m done putting all my clothes back on, he’s still talking to someone on the phone in his living room. So I take the liberty to visit the rest of the house. It has two other bedrooms. One is empty bar tools and pots of paint, and the last must be his.

My mouth drops open as soon as I open the door and see what’s on the same wall as the window. It’s been painted in a way that makes it look like there is no wall at all but rather a night sky with thousands of stars. The optical illusion gives the impression that the person looking is sitting on the edge of a cliff and gazing into a clear night in the middle of nowhere.

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