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I turn around, but her sharp tone stops me. “And then what? You show up. You try your best to find something on my dad—which I’m sure won’t be too hard, heisa politician after all—and then? Once you’ve destroyed my family, we elope into the sunset? Do you really think I will ever forgive you?”
“We’re not breaking up,” I repeat for the millionth time this week.
“Then I hope you enjoy having a girlfriend who hates you.”
“I can change that.”
“Not if you keep hurting me.”
My tongue grazes my two front teeth as I try to collect myself. “I won’t be hurting you again,” I rasp. “Just have the tiniest faith in me, for fuck’s sake.”
She snorts and glances away. “Liar.”
My phone vibrates again, clearly a call this time.
“I have to go,” I murmur.
“Of course,” she rasps. “Make sure you don’t have a conversation with me for too long if you don’t like what I say. And you’re the one who tells me to confront my problems rather than retreat.”
My phone rings again, and instead of fighting for us, I walk away.
“What?” I snap as I make my way to my car.
“Can you write down an address?” Sam’s monotone voice asks me over the phone.
From where I’m parked, I can see Alex wiping tears and turning around. She crosses the front lawn and disappears to the side of the house.
I’m a fucking coward. I leave her so I can go take care of other people’s problems because I can’t face mine. I’m so hellbent on giving Vito what he wants that I’m letting down the woman of my dreams and only apologizing about it.
Apologies are not enough. I should know that.
I have to make a choice—Alex or taking back the North Shore. I can’t have one without the other. She will never forgive me if I manage to get something on her dad and bring it to Vito.
I run a hand across my face.
I’m a liar. I’m a con. I’m a bad person.
But the only way I can change is by starting with the person I love. Because for her, at least, it will be worth it.
I’m going to tell her the truth. Like I wanted that night by the river. I wanted to tell her everything before she gave me her virginity. I wanted to risk ruining it all so I could start fixing it.
It’s a strange feeling to finally want to consciously change something. How many times does onepromisethemselves they’ll stop doing something unhealthy?
I’ll wake up early tomorrow.
I’ll start exercising.
We do a disservice to ourselves when we betray our own will to change. We instill a pattern of failing our own thoughts.
I’ll see my mom more often than once a week.Sorry,Mama, that I only show up when you ask me.
I’ll stop fighting at the warehouse just to get the cheap satisfaction of kicking Kings’ asses.But there I am, twice a week, just for the thrill of it. Just to keep the war going.
I’ll show Alex I can be a good man.And yet I keep hurting her by choosing the North Shore over her.
“Xi,” Sam’s British accent resonates from my phone. “Can you write down an address?” he repeats. Our code forcan you move that body away from the address I’m giving you.
I’ll tell Alex the truth.
