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Even now, his harsh voice does something to me I don’t understand. I’m not mad, and I’m not scared. I’m confused. I’m ashamed of what I like. I don’t understand how my body works.
“Alex,” he huffs. “Say something. I warned you about this. You told me you could take it. I need you to be honest with me.”
“I can take it,” I rasp before looking at him. “I’m just…ashamed.”
“Don’t be. There are as many kinks as there are people in the world, baby. What you love fits what I love. You’re allowed to enjoy it. Just forget everything you think is wrong. Let me take care of it.”
I close my eyes and breathe out. “I can take anything as long as you don’t break my heart.”
A dry chuckle escapes him, and he traces my lips with his thumb. “Rest, now.”
I want to talk to him. To enjoy the moment as much as I can, because that little voice at the back of my head keeps telling me he’ll be gone in the morning. The side of my brain that isn’t high on him right now, my realistic side, can see it in the way he doesn’t take his clothes off. It knows because he’s not under the covers with me.
He caresses my hair as my eyelids grow heavy. Too heavy for me to keep them open.
“Please, don’t leave,” I murmur as I fall into the darkness.
15
ALEXANDRA
Better – Gracie Adams
“I’m loving this weather,” Ella beams as we walk together across campus. “This is the best September we’ve ever had.”
“It should not be this warm,” Peach comments as she puts her sunglasses on.
“Please, don’t ruin the mood. The sun is out, we’ve got food, and we’re going to picnic on the lawn of SFU. I do not want to hear you complain.”
We settle on the grass, and I put my paper bag containing a Philly cheesesteak I usually love next to me, but my stomach is too twisted to eat.
“I’m so hungover,” Peach says as she lays down. “I fucking hate Xi Ep.”
Ella shrugs. “We’re probably over the worst of initiations. They won’t make us do more than stand all night in our underwear while they throw wet paper towels at us.”
“Fucking annoying,” Peach groans. “But what pissed me off the most was making us sleep on the floor of our rooms. There was a bed right there. I’m so tired.”
“No one even came to my room to check. I went home at, like, four a.m. from Zeta Nu’s party. It was only three hours of being on the floor. Horrible, but bearable.” Ella’s eyes light up as she unpacks her salad.
“We get it, your night was amazing. I didn’t even get to go to the party.” Peach grabs her bag and takes out her burger and fries. “I’m so ready for the grease right now.”
For the third time since initiations started, Peach was not allowed to go to the party after snapping at her big sister. I went, but Xi wasn’t there. I’ve not heard from him in four days, and he hasn’t answered any of my texts or calls.
Ella shakes her salad box to mix it with the dressing.
“You’re boring,” Peach tells her. “No one eats salad when they’re hungover.”
“We’ve got cheer this afternoon. I’m not going to fly and tumble with a burger in my stomach.”
“I certainly am,” Peach snorts as she takes a bite.
Ella turns to me and pokes me in the arm with her manicured nail. “Hey, are you alright? You’re super quiet.”
I offer her a small smile. “I’m okay. Just hungover.”
I check my phone for the tenth time today.
I checked my phone after breakfast and after my first class. I checked it multiple times during my morning classes instead of listening and focusing on the lesson. And when I check it again just now, there’s still nothing from him.
