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“Why are you—” I mumble, before he covers my mouth with another kiss, tangling his fingers in my hair with one hand and reaching between us with the other.
“Because I want to feel it when I’m inside you,” he murmurs into my ear, before thrusting into me. “I want this sweet pussy to suck me dry. You’re gonna come hard all over my dick, El.”
Instinctively, I wrap my legs around his hips, pulling him close enough that I can bring my lips to his shoulder. I nibble at the skin there, just the way that I know he likes, and I feel his knees buckle slightly in response.
As desire swirls and pitches inside me, I lock gazes with Weston. There’s something different between us now. The way we move is urgent and raw, clinging to each other like we’re floating in an ocean and there’s nothing else around. I was already so close that it’s mere moments before I feel my orgasm building, thrusting my hips off of the counter toward him with every stroke. When it hits, I try to clench down on him as hard as I can.
“That’s it, babe. That’s what I wanted. God, you’re so beautiful like this. So, so good.” He moans into my shoulder as he goes limp against me.
Neither of us want to be the first to break away, but eventually, he must, helping me off of the counter so I can go take a quick shower while he cleans up the kitchen. By the time I’m done washing up, the whole apartment smells like brownies, and Weston has some mindless comedy on the television. I know that tomorrow is going to hurt, but I don’t have to think about that right now. I can try and think about tonight instead.
Chapter Twenty
Weston
Why does the easiest move of my life feel like the hardest?
It takes me all of three and a half minutes to put my clothes and my toothbrush into a duffel bag. Two hundred and ten seconds and Elowyn watches me for every single one of them.
“Do you not like living with me?” Those huge puppy dog eyes look up at me from under her lashes, hovering around as I roll my clothes into neat little cylinders before shoving them into the bag and zipping it shut. She’s killing me here.
“It’s not that. There are definitely perks,” I try to explain, but even I’m not sure what I mean. Everything about this feels wrong and leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Last night, everything was so perfect. Now in the cold light of day, I can’t think of a single thing that is. “Nothing is changing, sweet girl, I promise. I’m literally only a text or a few steps away.”
“You’re going to be over there.” Resting her hands on her hips, she lets the words hang in the air like they should mean something to me. “And I’m going to be over here.”
“You could hang out with me.” It’s not a big deal. It’s a few extra feet, a wall, and a door between us. She’s making it sound like I’m moving to the moon. Worse yet, she’s making me feel bad about needing my own space. Even though I’m falling for her hard and fast, it’s too soon to be living together permanently.
“You could hang out withme,” Elowyn whines. Now I really don’t understand what she’s getting at. “My stuff for the business is here.”
Her explanations make less and less sense, and I’m starting to feel dumb and more than a little frustrated. Something more is at play here. Whatever she wants to say, I wish she would just come out and say it.
“Fine. I’ll hang out with you. And we’ll still ride together to work.” That should do it. That should make up for whatever imagined slight she’s so wounded about it. I grab my keys from the counter, rolling them around in my palm like I’ve never seen them before in my life. Even they feel wrong right now.
“And maybe spend the night. If you want.” She sounds so self-conscious making the offer. As if I wouldn’t want her all of a sudden. Even though I had my head between her legs and my dick balls deep inside her on her kitchen counter less than eighteen hours ago. It’s like we’re having two separate conversations at the same time, where neither of us is saying what we actually mean.
“Of course, I’ll want to,” I say gently, with a hand on her shoulder. “You just … need the space. Elowyn, this is the first time you’ve lived alone like this. There are things you need to figure out about your life, and I can say the same thing. Giving each other space just means that when we’re together, the time will mean something.”
She grimaces at me, pushing my hand away and hugging her arms across her chest. “Yeah, those two drawers you used really stunted my ability to grow my business. I’m just tripping over you all of the time.”
After pressing a hard kiss to her mouth, I awkwardly show myself out, shouldering my bag and shuffling out into the hallway, softly closing her door behind me. Entering my own apartment, I kick off my shoes, toss the bag down on the sofa, and plop down alongside it, marveling at how exhausted I feel. I shouldn’t be wiped out at all. But sitting here I feel like I just moved a two-bedroom unit up three flights of stairs by myself.
The renter’s insurance replaced almost everything I owned, which gives the whole apartment a really uncanny vibe. It’s all the same but completely different. Everything looks so close to the way it was but without any of the wrinkles or scuffs or scratches. It’s like my entire life has been erased. Any evidence of my time here or with any of these belongings is gone. And even though the situation with Elowyn was always meant to be temporary, I got so used to it that I guess I started to think of it as home. I may have been alone here, but it never felt lonely before. Maybe I just didn’t have anything to compare it to.
Everything she said just makes me feel even more confused. Sprawled out on the sofa, I go over it in my head. I notice that it’s missing the stain on the arm from the time Banjo spilled a bowl of chili during a particularly tense Vikings versus Packers fourth quarter. It feels like my entire past has been erased right out from under me.
Spending the day quietly reorganizing my clothes and my personal effects and removing tags and plastic wrap from my new things, I don’t notice that it’s time to leave for work until I’m already almost late, chugging an energy drink from the fridge and throwing a granola bar into my pocket while Elowyn bangs on my door. I’ve never been ready after her, and it throws my entire rhythm off even further than it already is. The ride to work is standoffish. Elowyn asks me perfunctory questions about how the apartment is and if all of my things got replaced correctly, and I give one-word replies. I don’t understand why I’m being so standoffish, but I can’t seem to make myself stop either. I just feel so off-kilter because I can’t manage her emotions and my own at the same time.
Banjo is off tonight to go work a gig in the next county over, so I watch the floor by myself. It’s a weeknight, so it’s slow, but a nice distraction from the way my day has been going. I don’t talk much to anyone for the whole shift outside of an occasional “The restroom is over there, miss,” or “Can I see that ID again?” Time passes quicker this way, and before I know it, it’s time to put up the stools and shut off the lights. Elowyn ends up being done just about as fast as I am, since it was slow for her, too, and we ride back in an even moodier silence than earlier.
She says a quick goodnight when we get to her door, shuffling on her feet like she doesn’t know what to do with herself, before turning around and wrapping me in a sudden firm hug. Then she slips inside, closing the door behind her, and I’m left standing in the hallway alone.
She didn’t even kiss me goodnight. I got a damn hug like a platonic friend when she just let me fuck her raw.
It isn’t until I’m standing in my kitchen, updating the calendar on my fridge, that I realize the source of the black cloud hanging over my head all day. I should know better by now. I always feel it ahead of time. Tomorrow is the anniversary of Joel’s death.
The day everything changed.
I’m sure I already requested time off from work. It’s the one day I ever really need to myself. We have a ritual every year, Mom and I, and even the thought makes me wince as I climb into bed and set my alarm. It’s a day where I refuse to let myself feel a single scrap of happiness and having her around certainly makes that easier.
