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“Andrya is bringing me something for your neck. You don’t have to tell me what happened. If you never want to talk about it, I’ll understand. I need you to know this though, whatever it is… it’s not your fault,” I grunt.
I’m doing a great imitation of a caveman, but give very few fucks about it.
“Sidney,” she whispers, her beautiful eyes glittering with tears that begin to slip from the cage of her lids. Silla’s voice is hoarse, evidence that Lana’s grip was meant to be controlling and inflict pain.
“No,” I growl, cupping her jaw. Frowning, I decide I’m going about this the wrong way. I don’t want to silence her, but I do want to understand why she thinks it could be her fault. “Tell me how this is your fault?”
“My body reacted,” Silla whispers, blinking away her tears. Her eyelashes collect them like little diamonds, and I brush a few away. “That means I had to have liked it, right? Lana pushed her fingers inside of me, told me about how she makes Cinder come, and then asked me why I couldn’t make this easy for her… She fed me my own betrayal.”
“Silla,” I sigh. She’s so innocent, she doesn’t understand that just because your body reacts, doesn’t mean you want what’s happening. “Dicks get hard, pussies get wet. We aren’t our biological responses, Pet. I don’t fucking care if Lana made you come, no is still no.”
“Even if I couldn’t say no?” she asks brokenly. My heart cramps so badly listening to her, I find myself rubbing an instrument I thought was broken.
“You don’t have to say the words to tell her you didn’t want her. Lana Kort knew damn well she was hurting you, Pet,” I tell her, wanting to hold her. “I want to hold you. Do you think you can handle my touch?”
Silla takes a deep breath, and the way she takes the time to think about it makes my hands fist. Fuck.
“Yes,” she finally says, and I’m moving before I’m consciously aware of it.
Swinging her carefully up into my arms, I climb onto her bed, covering us both in fuzzy blankets. There’s something to be said for the twin’s obsession with these, they’ll help me warm Silla up.
“Alright then, Little Love,” I murmur, and Silla looks at me in confusion. “I just learned a very important lesson. I am a broken, depraved man. I will always think you’re too good for me, so you’ll just have to keep reminding me I’m wrong. I despise listening to you cry. It makes me want to burn the world down, and kill people. I’m not a good person, and neither are Ayden and Andrya. Yet…”
“You’re good to me,” Silla sighs, leaning her head on my shoulder. I don’t care that her hair is still wet and soaking my skin, I’m craving her touch.
“Not always,” I remind her sadly. “Lana's appearance is bad news. Her words flow directly to the Queen’s ear, and whatever she says could endanger us all. So I pushed you away in an effort to protect you, but she still noticed you.”
“I’m not safe anywhere,” she confirms. “This happened in Isaac’s office the second his attention was called away. It’s like Lana was waiting for an opening. But… Zachary was there. I saw his face just as the door closed. I would swear…”
“There’s nothing wrong with your memory,” I soothe. “After how he’s been behaving recently, I don’t doubt it. Andrya is going to be here soon, and we’re going to tell you the story of why we’re here. Before we do…”
Turning her carefully in my arms, I brush my lips across hers. Silla sighs, the tension starting to drain from her body. “There are few people I give a fuck about, but you’re one of them. I’m done fighting, Little Love. This place isn’t made for this, but I love you, Silla.”
Kissing her, she makes the most delicious little sounds. Careful not to push, I kiss her forehead, and let her sit with what I said. As I hear her take a breath to say something, I murmur, “Whatever you want to say, can you wait until after I tell you my story? It would kill me if it changed the way you see me and made you change your mind.”
There’s a knock at the door, and my eyes snap over to it. “Who is it?” I call out, and Andrya opens the door, peeking her head in.
“It’s just me. What the hell happened?” she hisses, coming inside quickly. She has arnica cream and a hot water bottle in her hand that’s wrapped with a towel. Raising my eyebrow, she shrugs. “You told me to run, and I’m starting to cramp. I didn’t bother putting it down."
Fuck, I’m glad they aren’t synced for their periods, because that would be the worst shark week ever. I’ve been bringing Silla her tea every day, even if it’s sometimes at varying times. There’s a small chance that the tea will cause her to skip her period except for some light spotting, which I read was a possibility.
Right now, I reach my hand out for the water bottle. “Silla’s twitchy, so I’m trying to get her warm. Lana is an asshole and put her hands on what doesn’t belong to her. I also just told Silla I loved her,” I explain in the most cliffsnotes way possible.
Rolling her eyes at me, Andrya climbs into bed with us on the other side. “I could have told you that you’re in love with her,” she says flippantly. Silla’s eyes bounce between us, and I’m sure she thinks we’re insane. Andrya is acting her ass off, the only clue she’s worried is a crease in her forehead. I’ve never needed to explain much with the twins, there are days we’re so in sync, we don’t need to talk at all.
Grunting at her, I shove the water bottle under the blankets, ignoring the immediate heat that begins to spread. Silla sighs, and I can feel her muscles start to relax. Thank fuck and all of the Gods.
“We’ll hopefully be able to unload ourselves of the little witch soon,” I tell them, rubbing Silla’s back gently. “I told her that before she says anything about my proclamation, Silla needs to know why we’re here.”
Leaning into the pillows, Andrya chews on her bottom lip. “Ayden’s in a meeting, but he’d want to be here for this too,” she says, but I shake my head.
“He doesn’t. Ayden blames himself the most for what happened. I just want to get it out in the open, and then we can move on from there, okay?”
Silla looks up at me through the curtain of her hair and nods. Her eyes are clear now, certain what I have to say won’t change anything.
We were young, dumb, and reckless as fuck. But it might change everything.
Twenty-Nine
