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He glitched.
Right before my very eyes.
“What did you do?” I mustered the strength to ask.
Shaking his head, he palmed his handsome, flustered face.
“I fucked up, Nay.”
He refused to look at me as the words came rushing through his lips. Lips that I couldn’t see because he’d hidden from me. Hidden his eyes that the truth lie within. Hidden his mouth that spoke truths that I refused to believe. Hidden. He’d retreated in the palms of his hands which weren’t big enough to conceal him entirely.
He’d sought refuge within those two small, insignificant parts of him and not within me. He safe space. His safe haven. His home.
“I fucked up,” he choked out. “I fucked up.”
He repeated the words over and over, pounding them into my chest time and time again, making it hard for me to see. Making it hard for me to breathe.
“I fucked up.”
Hard for me to stand. Hard for me to hear. But even with limited sound, I heard my heart as it still beat for him.
Boom. boom.
Boom boom.
Boom. boom.
Dummy! I screamed inside.
Him, yes. But me too. Because, how could my heart be such a fucking fool?
My feet began moving in the opposite direction of him, my lover, homie and friend. As if fire had been set to the carpet beneath me, I scurried toward the door, desperate to free myself from the suffocation he was administering. Just as my hand grazed the handle, I felt his arms around me and his hot tears on my shoulder as he held me.
Rocking me from side to side, he pleaded, “Don’t leave. Just don’t leave. I can explain, Nay.”
“Get off me.”
“Please.”
“Get off!”
I struggled against his frame. Warmth covered my face as my tears fell freely.
“Nay.”
“Milo. get off,” I begged.
“It was a fucking mistake.” He cried into my shoulders, tears wetting my shirt.
“Let me go.”
“I can fix this. I have to fix this. Let me make it right. Tell me how I can fix this.”
With all the strength I had left in my body, I freed myself from his grasp and pulled open his door. A mere foot outside of his door was how far I managed before my world caved. My limbs weakened as blurriness covered the fixtures and features of the dormitory halls.
“Nay?” His voice rang out just before my entire world blackened.
I clenchedthe bar in the shower to steady my weight as the memories threatened my stability. Blinking back the tears, I chose to focus on the present and rid myself of moments that weren’t reflective of where Milo and I were now.
