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“Every time I see one of yo’ pictures, that shit drives me cra—”
Flowers. They crossed the screen, reminding me that I still needed to update Nature’s contact. As symbolic as they were, and as much as I loved them, I was ready for the change. She was a year older, a year wiser, more beautiful, yet still prickly to the touch. A rose, a single rose, suited her best now. I’d come to the conclusion while in the shower.
Because she altered the functionality of my cerebrum, my safety was in question. Before my journey to the office had completely begun, it was put on pause. Pulling into my neighbor's yard, I stopped just where their gate began. I shifted the gear until it was in park. I had no intention of entering their property.
My heart drummed against my chest. The bit of saliva that was keeping me from choking off complete dryness, I used to push the lump down my throat. I gripped the skin of my lip between my teeth, drawing blood instantly.
It didn’t matter how much time passed between us, there was a special place in my heart for Nature. She was the one that had gotten away, and all these years later, I was still kicking my ass for letting her. I could’ve easily blamed it on immaturity, but it wasn’t the case for me.
Fear.Fear of failure, fear of failing her, was what kept me from chasing her down and forcing her to see our potential. To this day, I regretted that decision. Every time I saw her contact cross my screen, I was reminded that I’d never stop regretting it.
Thank you, Milo. Love you back.
Her response gave me little to go on. The simple thanks should’ve taken a few seconds to send, but it had taken her hours. It was shit like that, when it came to her, that led me to believe the feelings were mutual and I, too, still held a special place in her heart.
“Love you back?”
I hated that shit. It was the most casual, unflattering response to my yearly confession she’d ever given and it made me sick to my stomach.
She doesn’t even use incomplete sentences, I thought, reviving control of my cerebrum and the ability to think clearly. As I reversed out of the driveway, I repeated the six-word text in my head over and over.
A smile pulled my features upward until it reached my eyes. Nodding, I realized that her response had been studied and erased, and retyped several times before being sent. It was very intentional. Yet, after it all, the fact still remained that I’d received a response at all.
To some capacity, she still cared enough to send one. Hadn’t she, I’d be left in the pile of notifications she didn’t have the energy to reply to. Taking my small win for what it truly was, I continued down the road at full speed ahead.
* * *
My morning wasoff to a great start. A visit to the florist that was only a few blocks away from the office led me to the pressed sandwich shop next door. I grabbed a turkey bacon, egg, and cheese flat with pressed orange and ginger juice as my beverage.
I’d parked my car in the garage attached to my office and struck out on foot. My goal of two-thousand steps per day was easily consumed by the commute. The morning runs weren’t calculated in the equation or else I would’ve hit that goal before I even stepped into the shower this morning.
The doors of the Richmond Medical Lofts opened automatically, keeping my hands free for me to continue scarfing down the sandwich between my thumb and four fingers. In the main lobby were a host of other business owners who were coming and going just as I was. Once I made it to the elevator, I pushed the button that led directly to my office. It was the only office on the floor, unlike most of the levels.
The transparent doors of the elevator confined me, trapping me inside alone. Imprisoned with my thoughts, I crumbled the parchment paper and napkin that my sandwich had been wrapped inside. The ginger from my juice tackled my tastebuds as brown strands of perfectly curled hair, quarter-sized eyes, and bushy brows pushed aside every memory from my frontal lobe.
Her smile. Her scent. Her touch. Her laugh. Her company. Her heart. Every aspect of her, I craved, deeply. Her body, I thirsted for it, nightly. And after over a decade, one would believe that my yearning would subside, but with each passing year, it only intensified. Settling down and having someone to call home were slowly inching their way up my priority list, which complicated my plight.
Valentine’s Day surprises. Wedding bells. Honeymoon. Babymoon. Children. Family. Vacations. Drop offs. Pickups. Lunch dates. Recitals. Afterschool activities.I wanted that shit like I wanted the next breath to pass through my lungs.
The girl I’d befriended in my early days of college and later fell in love with was the only person in the world I was interested in creating that life with. And until she returned home, I’d continue to roam the streets. She was my destination. There was no alternative. There was no settlement.
Forgetting Nature hadn’t happened in the last ten years, and it wouldn’t happen tomorrow, either. We were in our teens when we met, the youngest on the college campus. After almost five years of friendship, three years of a flawless relationship, it took one night, one mistake to break her heart a hundred different ways. I’d been trying to find my way back ever since. But true to her word, Nature hadn’t let me back in.
The woman she’d trusted with her secrets and used as a shoulder to lean on was the woman who took advantage of her vulnerability and turned her into someone I hardly recognized for far too many years to keep count. And in some sick, fucked-up way, although I was the one who had put her in the predicament, I felt as though I needed to be the one to rescue her, too.
That was why letting go completely wasn’t an option. I stillneededto right my wrongs. I stillneededto fix the person I’d broken. I stillneededto mend her, mend us.
“Good morning, Mr. Domino,” Christina cooed softly, stepping backward as I stepped off the elevator.
She was only three weeks into her probationary period, and I was heavily considering terminating her employment to give her the dick she desperately wanted. Like a dog in heat, she followed me through the office with her mouth agape and invisible hearts flying around her head in perfect circles. Remembering to push my one o’clock meeting back to one-fifteen, I stopped in my tracks, turned and collided with Christina, immediately.
“Oh, God. I’m sorry, Mr. Domino. I’m sorry,” she apologized, grabbing the remainder of the orange and ginger juice from my hand.
My fingers were covered in the concoction, but the fact that not even a drop had gotten on my white shirt kept me level-headed and at ease.
“You riding my bumper too tough, Christina. I don’t need a puppy. I need a receptionist. There’s no need for you to meet me at the elevator every morning. Rest your bones. Stay in your seat. If I need you to get up, I’ll make the request. Otherwise, stay out of my personal space.”
The first two warnings had been much more professional and considerate. I hardly had any patience at this point. It was unfortunate for her, but it was necessary that I gave it to her straight.
