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“He’d canceled our meetup with plans to come over to my house tonight. I was under the impression that I’d end my night, undressed, and trying to come down from an orgasm. I guess that wasn’t the message he intended to send. I’m literally throbbing in the coochie, Shayla.
“I’m trying to cut our wait time down so we could both have a good day, but I see them two coming from the back. She’s wiping her mouth and he’s telling her that it’s the very last time. She’s going on about him saying that last time and just… Ugh.”
“Did they see you?”
“Yes!”
“And said what?”
My phone vibrated in my hand. I quickly opened the message that was from Milo.
Meet me somewhere. Anywhere. Name the place and I’m pulling up.
Ignoring it, I placed the phone to my ear again.
“Nothing. There was nothing to say. I left both our lunches. I’m hungry!”
Chuckling, Shayla apologized. “I’m so sorry for laughing, but the way you just screamed you’re hungry, friend. Do you need me to send you some food? You need to go home.”
“I’m not going home. He’ll come looking for me. I know he will.”
“Then you guys can talk.”
“Right now, today even, is not the time. It’s not. I will talk to him, eventually, but that day won’t be today.”
“I understand. My question is, are you venting to me, or are you requesting a response from me?”
“Both.”
“Alright,” she said, clearing her throat.
The therapist in her was working overtime, collecting thoughts to help shed light on my situation.
“Well, Nature, you’re in for a fight. There’s no other way to put it. The day that you wanted to make your plans and intentions clear, it turned out to be a disaster. Nevertheless, love, desire, desperation, and forgiveness prevailed. You accepted Milo back into your world. And though you tried to readjust those boundaries, you failed. Miserably. Which led to family dinner and sex, which ultimately uprooted those feelings for him you’ve been trying to bury.
“The truth is, when it comes to Milo, you’re either all in or not in at all. You go from zero to one hundred. There’s no in between. Milo, on the other hand, goes from zero to one. Your scales aren’t balanced. Do you fault him? No. Because, at the end of the day, you’ve yet to admit to him that you’re expecting more of you guys. Why? Because you’re afraid of shit like this happening.
“But I’m here to tell you, as long as you keep running or putting one foot in, it’ll keep happening. Milo isn’t going to put all his eggs in your basket until he sees that you’re ready to empty yours in his. All of them, Nature. Should you be upset right now? Yes. You should. You guys were progressing, or so you believed, but that wasn’t exactly clear on either of you guy’s ends. No one has declared anything, which leaves room for continued exploration.
“Should he have gotten the memo by now and deaded his ways, I’d say so, but that comes from a place of love for you. It’s a biased opinion. But unbiased, he isn’t exactly wrong. I know you’re triggered and this feels like college again, but you can’t run this time, Nature. You have to step into this thing head first.
“Take the time you’ll need to get yourself together, but Mason is coming, and for now, you have to put you and Milo’s shit aside to bring him into this world a happy, healthy, and joyful boy. You’ve been focusing on that your entire pregnancy. Get back to that. At this point, and I’m saying this as your friend, fuck Milo, baby girl.
“Get your head in the game in preparation for your son’s birth. The last few weeks have been nothing but tears, upsets, and uncertainties. Let it go, even if only for a few months. Revisit it once you’re well physically, mentally, and emotionally.”
Sighing, I agreed. “Thank you, Shayla.”
“Always. I hate to rush you off the phone but I’m headed into my next session. I’ll call you this evening. I can stop by if you’d like.”
“It’s fine. I’m headed to my parents’ house. I just need some time to think about this entire situation. I’ll call you when I’m feeling better.”
“Alright. I’m sending food.”
“No. I’m almost certain my mother has made lunch.”
“Alright.”
Ending the call, I continued the route toward my parents’ home. My thoughts consumed me, overwhelming me to the point of no return. With my index finger and thumb, I tapped the steering wheel, chewing on my bottom lip while simultaneously being cautious of the other drivers in my path.
