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The reason behind the horrible feeling I’ve been experiencing ever since she fucked off out of my life.
The peculiar emptiness.
The absolute lack of motivation for anything but creating schemes for how to get her back without fucking up what she cares about.
I’ve become categorically obsessed with Mia Sokolov. My mind has filtered the whole world out and all I see is her defiant face.
In every corner.
On every statue.
Every-fucking-where.
And now that I’ve seen her again, the last thing I want to do is leave.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Bran asks as soon as we’re out of the pretentious Heathens’ mansion and in front of my car.
I shake myself out of the strange phase I’ve been trapped in and focus on the disapproving faces of my siblings.
Glyn crosses her arms. “This is ballsy even for you.”
“I’m nothing if not full of surprises.” I grin and wince at the pain that explodes in my mouth. “That being said, I love your loyalty and the feeble attempts at protecting me.”
“More like we were trying to protect people from you.” Glyn releases an exasperated breath. “Can’t you just stop?”
“Stop what?”
“This whole thing with Mia.”
“No.”
“But you don’t care about girls.”
“She’s not just a girl.”She’s my muse. There’s no other explanation for this need to possess her until she wholly belongs to me.
The inexplicable urge to have her with me at all times.
It’s getting to the point where I don’t recognize myself when I’m not with her and that’s a serious problem.
“You mean to tell us you won’t discard her the moment you’re bored, which is due to happen very soon?” Bran asks.
“If I were going to get bored, I would’ve been so weeks ago.”
“But you will, Lan,” Glyn says. “That’s what you do. You get bored and you hurt people to feel a form of pleasure.”
“Thanks for the amateurish psychotherapy, little princess. But if you want to make your psychological endeavors more realistic, you should’ve inserted your boyfriend as a plug. Doesn’t he get bored easily as well?”
“Kill is different.”
“In what sense? You’ve managed to understand him because he’s similar to me, so why, suddenly, is he the love of your life while I’m the forever devil?”
“Because you’ve never made an effort to love us, Lan!” she screams. “I know you’re wired differently and no one can change your nature. I understand that. What I don’t understand is why you expect us to behave according to the lines you trace, and when we act out, you squash us until we fall back to where you want us to be. You protect us because of your sense of possessiveness and the fact that we make you look good. Bran and I protected you just now because, despite everything, you’re our brother and we care about you. We don’t calculate in our relationship with you and we certainly don’t use you just because we’re bored. All we want is for you to make an effort and stop following your narcissistic instincts when dealing with your own brother and sister.”
Tears gather in her eyes and Bran holds her by the shoulder, his expression as wretched as hers.
As the scene plays out in front of me, I recall the conversation I had with Uncle Aiden right after I cornered Mia in the tiny bathroom stall.
I’d intended to pretend to let her go just so I could sweep in again and remind her that I’m her only option.
