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Or maybe now, it’s ‘I have my eyes on you.’
This is the second time I’ve been this terrified in my life.
* * *
“Baby?What are you doing up so late?”
I stare at my mother’s face on my tablet’s screen and physically force myself to hold in the tears.
Rai Sokolov is not only my mother, the most beautiful woman inside and out, but also my role model.
Maya and I have her same shade of blonde hair and a carbon copy of her eyes, nose, and lips.
She and Aunt Reina—Mom’s identical twin and Kill and Gareth’s mother—used to joke by saying we’re their mini-mes.
I’ve always known my mom to be a strong woman, undeterred and ruthless. Right now, however, there’s a furrow between her brows.
It’s late evening in New York, and I’ve caught her sitting at her vanity just after she’s finished her workday as a leader in the New York Bratva. That’s right. My mom is the only woman who’s climbed the ranks within a male-dominated organization and snatched a chair at the decision-making table.
She’s no less than my father in any way and made sure to teach us that being a woman isn’t a weakness—it should be a strength.
I used to think I was as assertive and powerful as she is, but after tonight’s incident, my confidence has taken a major hit.
Ever since I came back to the apartment I share with Maya, I’ve been blazing the lights in my room on the highest setting and lying in a fetal position on the bed, waiting for my parents to finish working.
My encounter with the new monster in my life has left a ball in my throat and a fire in my chest.
“What is it, baby?” Mom’s voice softens. “Is something wrong?”
Everything is wrong, Mom. The fear, the strange arousal, and my heart that won’t stop beating so fast.
Everything.
But I don’t say that and, instead, sign, “I just wanted to see your face and hear your voice.”
“Oh, baby.” She smiles, but it’s a tad forced. “I’m over the moon about being able to see your face after a long day.”
I let my lips curve the slightest bit. Most of my smiles are either forced or fake. The day I lost my voice, I also lost my smile.
“Has Aunt Reina been watering and taking care of Amun, Iris, and their family?” I sign.
“I don’t know what’s weirder. The fact that you name your plants or that the head of the family has a demon name. Besides, your Aunt Reina doesn’t need to come all the way here just to water them. The gardener or I could do it.”
“Don’t touch them, Mom. I don’t want them to catch a case of early death.”
“That’s rude.”
“Well, you really kill most plants you touch.”
“I’m sorry I don’t have the green thumb gene.” She smiles and leans closer to her phone. “What’s really wrong, Mia? Is there anything I can help with?”
Of course she’d know something is wrong. She always does.
“I feel a bit down,” I sign.
“Is there a reason behind this?”
“I had a panic attack in a dark place. I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t,” I sign, then hang my head.
