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Finding out the guy you want is your father’s best friend? That will kill anyone’s appetite.
* * *
The second I’m on the subway heading to Chelsea, I tap out a text to Scarlett.
Jules:I am so sorry but something came up and I can’t fill in tomorrow night after all.
I stare at the draft, my thumb hovering. I feel terrible letting her down, but I can’t go anymore. This way, Finn will never know I was the piano player. I’ll just be the naughty girl who disappeared into a summer night with a perfume that drove him so wild he asked for its name. He’ll never know he kissed his best friend’s daughter. It’s nicer that way. If he learns who I am, he might be twisted with guilt about it. Guilt sucks. I can’t let him feel that way. Nor do I want to irrevocably alter his relationship with my dad. But as I re-read the message, another type of guilt pricks at me.
I want to be a woman of my word. I don’t want to leave Scarlett hanging, especially when I’d asked to fill in. So I hit erase and try again.
Jules: Something came up for work. Is there any chance you can still do tomorrow night?
Scarlett: What??? Babe, I’m out of town with my sister. She stole me away for a girls’ weekend.
My chest hollows out, emptying to nothing. Then, it fills up again, topped off with jealousy.
Jules: Don’t think twice, then. I’ll make it work.
I drop my head in my hand as the subway rumbles to Chelsea, dreading tomorrow night.
7
SOMETIMES AN ANKLET IS JUST AN ANKLET
Finn
Something has been nagging at me since yesterday, but I can’t think what it is. As Zach rushes out the door of my—our—West Village brownstone, tearing off to meet his grandmother waiting on the sidewalk, I cycle through possibilities. Did I pack everything he needs for the weekend? Definitely. I even signed him up for another camp next week. Got the confirmation earlier today when we were at the park.
But I don’t thinkthis thing’sabout Zach. It’s more like a sense of déjà vu that’s been dogging me since I visited my buddy’s office twenty-four hours ago. More specifically, since I glimpsed a woman ducking into the ladies’ room as I left. No clue why that would stick with me. I barely saw her, but something about her felt familiar.
Best to let it go, especially since Zach’s flying down the steps.
“Slow down, buddy,” I call out. Too late. He’s already jumping off the last step like he has wings.
When Zach hugs Candace like he missed her the most, my heart squeezes painfully. Maybe that’s what I’m missing—years. He’s known her his whole life. She must be more like a parent to him than I am.
She hugs him back fiercely, like a mom would do, which is the role she’s effectively played since Nina died.
But as much as she loves him—to the moon and back—we never fought over custody. From the start, she told me she wanted to share custody with me if I wanted it.
If.
I wanted it all, but I took half. That felt fair.
Her husband Michael still motors around the house and the yard, but he has a heart condition, so she worries that Zach’s days with him are numbered.
Well, they’re both in their late seventies, and Zach is seven, so she’s not wrong to be planning ahead.
I walk down the steps as the sun dips toward the horizon. The clock is ticking. I’m not antsy for them to go, but…I am really fucking antsy to see my goddess again.
Once Candace is free from Zach’s octopus hug, she ruffles his dark hair. Did Nina do that? Probably. Does Zach remember his mother’s touch?
No.
His words, not mine. When I showed him the picture of his mom boosting him up on a jungle gym at the park—a shot Candace gave me for Christmas—Zach took a quick glance at the shot and said, “I bet we had fun that day.”
Zachbet. But he didn’tknow.
