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My breath catches. I feel like I’m filling up with hope. I can’t stop picturing New York with him. Yes, my head knows New York will never happen. Itcan’thappen. And yet, my heart wants what it wants.
Does he imagine it too? Us in the city? Us finding a way?
But that’s foolish to even think about. My father would lose his mind, more than he has in the past. He’d say I’d disappointed him, that he’d expected better, that this is not the woman he’d raised me to be.
But that’s nothing compared to what he’d say to Finn. My father would never forgive his friend.
And I won’t destroy their friendship.
Yet I can’t stop picturing all the possibilities as we drink coffee at a café by the hotel twenty minutes later, chatting about our respective workdays ahead. As I lift a cup, I say, “Mud. I’ll miss our mud.”
That hardly covers these feelings.
“Me too,” he says, then seems like he’s about to say something else. Something likeWe’ll have better coffee in New York. In my kitchen, in the backyard, at a coffee shop, every day.
I swear, it’s on his lips. I can’t be the only one wishing for more. I can’t be the only one feeling so much it hurts. It’s like my heart is going to burst with all these emotions. “Maybe…” I begin, testing the word.
He smiles, soft and tender, receiving it with his own, “Maybe.”
This is so wild—this floaty feeling. I had no idea anything could feel so good. This is better than dancing, than inhaling flowers, than getting lost in a story. I’m getting lost in my own story, tuning out all the noises of Paris, all the sounds, the clicking of shoes, the clatter of silverware, the rumble of cars.
I live in the make-believe a little more as the city fades away. But when I open my eyes, I’m staring at Solange, who’s heading toward us, studying me like I make no sense anymore.
Like she can’t believe I’m sitting at a café enjoying a romantic morning with the man who owns the network.
26
IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK
Jules
A surge of panic rushes through my veins. My heart pounds so loud I’m sure everyone in the café can hear it.
Like, oh, say, Solange, who’s mere feet away. As she cocks her head and says, “Good morning, Jules,” my skin goes hot with a blush of discomfort. Where’s my poker face when I need it?
“Hi,” I say, but that little word is stuck in my throat. Do I still know how to speak?
Finn rises, sticks out a hand. “Good to see you, Solange. Have you tried this café? I can’t recommend the coffee in good conscience.”
He offers her a smile, but it’s one that says to me he’s going to handle this situation. Good, because I can’t.
“I don’t care for coffee,” she says as they shake.
“Join us for breakfast then. Jules and I were catching up on the plans for the show in New York next week,” he says as he sits back down, so easily, so seamlessly that even I believe him.
“It’ll be busy then too,” she says, but she’s assessing us, like she’s not sure she’s buying his cover-up. Embarrassment washes over me. Even if Finn’s not my direct boss, she must think less of me for this. She must think I’d sleep my way through the business. Everything I’ve worked hard for is spiraling because of my dumb heart.
“It will. Our American brand partners are all set though. Like we talked about the other day,” he adds.
That must have been when he came to the set, the evening he grabbed her eyeglasses.
“Yes, and I think I know how to integrate the watchmaker,” she says.
“Fantastic. Did you want to chat about it now?” he asks. I have no idea how he can be so normal, but I’m glad he is because I’m not.
She looks at her own watch, a functional, waterproof-looking one that is pure Solange. “I can’t now,” she says crisply, then glances at our empty cups on the table.
It’s just coffee. Please let that be all she thinks this is.
