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Ari rolled his eyes, pulling me close, so my head tucked under his chin. “I don’t know how to navigate all this, Saga.”
Words were not a weakness for Ari, but my favorite words from his mouth were fast becoming these types. Where the glib defenses fell, and he showed me bits of his inner fears, the kind he shared with no one else.
I hugged his waist, a cheek to his steady heartbeat. “Then let me help you find the way. What troubles you most?”
Ari’s ribs expanded in my hold when he drew in a long breath. “I have every belief that you are the queen this land needs, but as for me, I never aspired to be a leader anywhere. Not even in Ruskig.”
“You didn’t aspire to it, but rose to be one anyway. There is a reason Valen Ferus selected you as his ambassador. You are a man the folk of all realms trust and admire.”
“You stroke my ego so well.” He kissed my forehead. “I’ve always been loyal to my kingdom, to my king and queen, but now I am to rulehere.”
My heart quickened. Once, we’d both spoken how we’d dreamed of a day where we could find a quiet life in the ambassador’s longhouse, or even in the hills of the North. Safe, alone, free. Ari was tossed into the crown by taking vows with me. A bite of regret at never telling him, never giving him the choice before we took those vows, ate at the inside of my gut.
True, I never anticipated taking the throne. I’d wanted Bracken to lead, to rule. I wanted to be a warrior, a new wife to a foreign dignitary. I wanted peace.
“Why such sudden stiffness? What wicked thoughts are running through your head?” Ari shifted out of my arms and cupped my face in his palms. “Tell me why my confession brought you to such a silence, unless you are simply stunned from the melodic tune of my voice.”
“It was unfair of me not to disclose my bloodline before the vows.”
A wrinkle dug into Ari’s forehead. “Unfair? Why?”
“The reason you’ve just stated—you never wanted a crown.”
“Nor did you, if I recall.”
“Yes, but now you are kept from people you love and—”
“Stop.” Ari’s eyes darkened with irritation. “This is a habit of yours and must stop now. No more placing yourself below others in my life, Saga. I would rule a damn empire against my will if it meant I sat beside you. Remember what I told you— no one has ever taken the place where I hold you in my heart.
“I am uneasy because I have always been loyal to my kingdom, yet I feel that loyalty severely divided. For the first time in my life, my heart and my blood are not in Etta. They are here, with you. I feel rather traitorous for it, and I don’t know what it looks like to stand beside my king anymore.”
By the gods, I loved this man. Never a thought for his own power, always thoughts for those around him.
I rose on my toes and pecked his lips. “It looks the same. You stand beside a friend. He was your king, now he is afellowking, but your friend always. You know it’s true. Their excuse of coming to the isles to show the new babe to you and Gunnar was exactly that—an excuse. They came to find you, and you know it. Ari, Elise nearly killed me for believing I had harmed you.”
“It was easy to be king in a refugee camp,” he admitted. “We were all fighters; they merely needed someone to tell them when to attack. I am not truly a strategist, and certainly no politician.”
“Don’t worry,” I told him, one hand on his cheek. “Gorm will be there to tell you exactly how you are doing it wrong and how it should be fixed.”
At last, Ari laughed and hugged me against his body. “Ah, what would I do without Lord Gorm?”
“Have no access to the blood court,” Gorm shouted. “For I was the one who let you in.”
Ari kept his smile steady until the boat maneuvered to the rocky shoreline between two longships with Ettan flags. He shook out his hands, licked his lips, then clung to my palm like it might be the last thing from keeping him tumbling into the ocean.
We led, the others close behind, and made our way to the jagged cliffs. Two guards at the top came to a pause and peered over the edge.
“Ari?” One man called. “That you?”
“Mattis, I’m rather offended you don’t recognize me,” Ari said. “It’s only been but a few months.”
“You look different. Did you know someone drew all over the side of your face?” Mattis chuckled and leaned on one elbow on the edge of the cliff.
“I did,” he said. “And it only enhances my ravishing features. Going to let us in, or shall we sit out here and chat some more?”
“Can’t do that yet,” Mattis said. “You’ve got to prove you are who you say. With mimickers out there, we’ve got to make sure everyone’s cleared.”
“Ask personal questions, Mattis,” Ari instructed. “Things only I would know about you.”
