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Long gone is the strong, fearless Winter Queen my sweet Salome gushed about.
I feel so inapt here. Like somehow someone will realize that I’m an imposter in the land of freedom and wonder and end up pointing a finger at me, ordering me to leave since it’s clear I don’t belong here.
Oh, gods be with me.
Lend me your ear and fortify my will with the northern winds from home.
Add eastern steel to my resolve and let me taste what true power feels like.
As if the gods themselves heard my prayer, a cold breeze runs all throughout the courtyard and kisses my cheeks. With my spine now ramrod straight, and my head held high as if my crown was placed on top of it, I let Teo lead me up the stairs, knowing that after I do this, I will never be the same woman again.
Once we step into the empty balcony, Teo points to the various closed doors on display and tells me to pick one. Not wanting my sudden bravery to waver, I pick the one in front of me.
“Nice and slow it is,” Teo states with a conspiring smile before wrapping his hand on the doorknob and opening it.
I stay rooted to my spot as I look inside and see a similar scene like the one I witnessed yesterday between Anya and Cleo. Various men and women of every color, shape, and size, are currently busy with giving their various partners, no matter the gender, pleasure in any form they can think of. While yesterday there were only six people to watch, here, in this room, there are dozens. Some are laid on velvet pillows on the floor, or on large lounge chairs, while others prefer to stand as they bend their lovers over any hard surface they can find.
Teo pulls me inside and we begin to walk amongst the various couples—or whatever is the correct terminology to describe a slew of people screwing each other’s brains out at the same time—and I realize that, like me, there are others just standing or sitting off to the side and watching. We stroll amongst the crowd of glistening limbs and body parts all wrapped up around each other. Women moan and wail as they find their release, while the men grunt and growl theirs. It’s all so overwhelming how each one trusts that the other won’t push further than the limits they are comfortable with. It’s almost as if they are all in tune with each other’s needs and are here to satisfy each one.
It’s not the sex that gets me.
It’s the blinding trust and faith that really makes an impression.
“Do you want to see more?” Teo asks, and this time I’m completely unafraid, eager for him to take me wherever he sees fit.
Because just like with the people here, I trust that Teo will not show me anything outside my comfort zone.
It’s when he throws me a boyish smile, one that brings back all the memories we shared in our youth, that I realize that showing me this is his way of telling me that he trusts me too. That knowledge has my heart racing more than watching strangers have sex ever could.
Teo takes me back outside to the balcony and walks down the small corridor leading to the next door. Inside, I see men crawl on their hands and knees just for the pleasure of being humiliated by their lover. I watch women spit and slap their lovers, calling them every name known to mankind, only for their lovers to smile lovingly at them, thanking them for their abuse.
As we continue to open door after door, visiting room after room, I finally come to understand that arousal can be coaxed by a myriad of things and scenarios. I’ve watched men come from the sight of a woman’s foot alone. I’ve watched women climax just by having her lover lick food off her body. Anything and everything can be used for sexual gratification; it all comes down to the person’s likes and wants. I’ve seen couples reach nirvana as they used numerous objects that looked like a man’s penis on each other. I’ve seen so much and yet there is a part of me that starts to wonder where I fit in.
Which room would serve me best?
“One more,” Teo says once we find ourselves back on the balcony.
He’s nervous.
He’s been such a calm force beside me all night, but now he’s nervous.
“This is the one, isn’t it? The room you met Cleo in,” I stammer, suddenly feeling extremely anxious with how curious I am to see inside.
He nods sheepishly.
I squeeze his hand in mine and offer him a soft smile.
“Whatever it is, it’s a part of who you are. And I want to see it.”
“Be careful what you wish for, kitten,” he replies, but grabs the doorknob just the same. I watch him take a deep breath, before turning the knob.
And what I find feels like coming home.
Chapter 39
Katrina
On bated breath, I step inside the room filled with sounds of pain and lust.
