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So why do I still love him?
Why do I feel like I’m betraying his memory by undoing all he’s done?
By falling…
On reflex, I tilt my head toward Levi, who is still in high spirits after this afternoon. He must sense my eyes on him since he turns his head over his shoulder to gift me one of his smiles.
My lower belly quivers when he stops the conversation he was having to whisper in my ear.
“Look at me like that again, my queen, and I will cut this feast short just so I can fuck you on this table.”
I keep my expression perfectly blank, but inside, I’m a raging volcano of need.
This man can’t open his mouth without having me weak in the knees.
It’s highly inconvenient, especially when I’m supposed to have my wits about me.
“What? No witty comeback, Your Highness?” he teases.
I turn my cheek to his other side, so no one can read the words that are about to come out of my mouth.
“I would have thought you’d have had your fill of me by now, Your Grace.”
He licks his lips, his wolfish stare going right to the swell of my breasts.
“It will take me a lifetime for that, but I’m up for the challenge if you are.” He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, placing a tender kiss to my cheek.
He then goes back to the conversation he was having with his man, the same one that currently has a puzzled look to his face. If only he knew that before this social affair started, I had his king on his hands and knees, his head in between my thighs as I wrote my new law that would abolish that grotesque excuse for a decree my father had created decades ago. When they say a woman is skilled in multitasking, they aren’t lying. I moaned in ecstasy while still being able to sign my name on the dotted line on the bill that would ensure no more young boys need to die so callously. And before that, Levi and I had made love on the grass and watched the sunset while discussing all the things I could do to help the east regain its lost pride.
I doubt there has ever been a king capable of doing so much in one day.
Maybe one.
Again, my eyes find Levi’s face, and I curse myself for being so weak.
Ever since he said that he was falling in love with me, I can’t seem to stop staring at him. As if believing that if I stare at him long enough, his mask will fall, and I’ll see the deception written on his face.
How could this man love me?
He doesn’t know me.
He knew the younger version of me. The naïve girl who believed that good would always prevail. The girl who believed that her friends would always be in her life, no matter what. The girl whose mother still lived and whose father still tried to love her.
I’m not that girl anymore.
I’m this broken, cold thing who pretends she still has a beating heart.
But it did beat. It beat for Levi. I heard it. And so did you.
I shake the voice in my head away, and pull my eyes from Levi to scan his hall filled to the brim with east-born lords and ladies. There is one particular auburn-haired man that grabs my attention. Especially since he has Inessa trapped between him and one of the large pillars in the room. I’m not sure what he’s saying to her, but I know it can’t be good by the way Inessa’s expression morphs from annoyed to deadly.
I sit back in my seat and try to contain the smile on my lips when Inessa slams her heel on Brick’s toes. He begins to jump up and down in pain, while Inessa uses his distraction to her advantage and makes her escape.
“Ah, Brick. You’re going to have to be much more clever than that,” I whisper under my breath with a little giggle.
My sights then look for Anya in the crowd, hoping she’s faring better than Inessa. When I see her surrounded by a slew of high lords who look completely enamored and under her spell, I know she’s doing just fine. There’s nothing Anya loves more than the attention of the male gaze on her person. While Inessa may prefer to hang onto her shrew ways, Anya is more of a romantic, thinking that she is one good tumbling away from finding her Prince Charming.
But both my girls need love in their lives. True love. Not the kind that goes away once they’ve taken what they wanted—their virtue—or in Anya’s case, her innocence. For all her expertise in the bedroom, she’s still very innocent when it comes to the matters of the heart. Too many times have I caught her weeping in the shadows because some asshole broke her heart after he’s had his way with her. Inessa would never fall for such a trap. And that’s because she refuses to give anyone the chance. While Anya is able to mend her broken heart and try again, Inessa prefers hers to be kept under lock and key.
