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Kyle had moved enough for me to get into my locker. It forced me to stand right between them.
Kyle’s eyes were boring into my side as he stared at me. “What are you wearing?”
Don’t react. Books in the bag. Head up, no eye contact.
A heavy hand slammed against my back, banging my head on the edge of the open locker. I sucked in my breath as something warm trickled down the side of my head, but I didn’t wipe it away. My jaw clenched as Kyle got in my face, but I was determined not to say a damn word.
“I said, what are you fucking wearing? Prancing around here in a skirt like a goddamn pussy?”
But I wasn’t paying attention to him anymore. Over his shoulder, I saw her coming and allowed myself a cocky, self-indulgent smile as she came up behind him.
“It’s a kilt, Kyle; he’s wearing akilt. God, you’re such a dumbass. Move out of my way.”
Jessica shoved Kyle aside to get to her locker. Her blonde hair was pulled into a ponytail, silver glitter shimmering around her eyes. She was wearing her cheer uniform, the one with long sleeves and a short skirt. She stood up on her tiptoes to reach the top of her locker and I couldn’t help staring as her shirt rode up, baring her stomach for a moment.
It physically hurt how beautiful she was. How untouchable.
“The fuck is a kilt?” Alex said. Kyle was frowning deeply, as if he was trying to figure out the same thing.
Jess barely glanced at me as she got her things, slamming her locker shut and stuffing a notebook into her bag. Kyle was clearly trying to think of something to say to her, then began, “Hey, babe, you know that I —”
“Shut. Up.” She whirled around, glaring at him. “Save your excuses. You’re not going to talk your way out of this one. You wanted to be with Veronica so damn badly...Well, now you’ve got her. Have fun, asshole.”
She marched away, and I stared after her. All was not well in Popular Kid Paradise. I couldn’t imagine having a woman like that and cheating on her. Hell, I couldn’t imagine cheating on someone in general. Lucas and I had come to the conclusion pretty easily that the intimacy between us didn’t require monogamy; just respect. We’d already agreed that we’d be fucking other people too, but that was different than sneaking around and hurting each other.
Jess deserved better than that. She was a stuck-up bitch and a spoiled-rotten brat...but shit, maybe she wouldn’t be if she wasn’t constantly around such awful people.
Alex and Kyle were still talking, as Kyle whined that it wasn’t his fault. “She stopped putting out, man. What the hell did she expect? That I’m just going to wait around until her cunt thaws out? She’s been a fucking bitch lately.”
I slammed my locker far too hard. I wasn’t shocked in the least that Jessica had stopped having sex with him. She’d probably get more care from a literal rock than this meathead. I’d seen them together, watched them make out, watched them fuck. That made me sound like such a creep, but it was hard not to see it when they’d have sex in Kyle’s truck right after a game. What was I supposed to do — avert my eyes?
Kyle had the emotional range of a toothpick. The fact that he blamed Jessica for that enraged me.
Another hard shove knocked me against the locker again, but this time, Alex kept his hand against my back as he snarled, “What do you think you’re staring at, Reed? Perving out at Kyle’s girl?”
Kyle’s expression was livid as he cracked his knuckles. He wanted to take out his anger on someone. Big fucking surprise.
“Pretty sure she made it clear she’s not his girl anymore,” I said. Alex gripped my jacket, wrenched me back and slammed me forward again. It knocked the air out of my lungs, and I laughed. “You lost the hottest girl in this school because you can’t keep your dick in your pants andI’mthe perv? Fucking pathetic.”
Kyle’s face darkened. Alex shoved me to the floor, but I caught myself as I went down. I was back on my feet in an instant and sprinting down the hallway, dodging around the few students still lingering outside of classrooms. Kyle and Alex were right behind me, shoes smacking loudly on the floor as they ran. I turned down the next hall and kept going, while people stared at me in confusion.
So much for not being late to class.
I had to find somewhere to hide. I burst through the first door I saw — the women’s bathroom,shit— but it was my only option. The door swung shut behind me, and I retreated to the furthest stall, closing the door and perching on top of the toilet so my shoes wouldn’t be seen. At least it was empty in here. I didn’t need more trouble.
I waited for what felt like an eternity, but no one burst in. Kyle and Alex must have lost me, or they were waiting outside the door for me to emerge. But I could wait them out. I was skipping one class already; what was the harm in skipping a few more?
Graduation didn’t matter at this point anyway.
I reached into my jacket and pulled out my one remaining cigarette. I usually bummed them off Lucas and tried to make them last, but damn it, I needed this. Once the adrenaline and anger faded away, anxiety was all I had left, and it fucking sucked.
I lit up, blowing the smoke out the narrow window above the toilet. It would still stink up the restroom, but whatever. The numbness in my chest was spreading to my limbs, my head; I was running out of fucks to give.
I cared far too much, but I also didn’t care enough. The encroaching apathy scared me, the strange feeling of disregard for my own well-being bringing me back to my thoughts from earlier that morning.
Was I losing it? Was my mind cracking? Kathy claimed she was going to help me but part of me felt like it was too late. I didn’t have a future...didn’t need one either.
But I was still fighting. On instinct, driven by survival, my primate brain demanded that Itry. I was just so goddamn tired.
