Page 59 of Losers, Part II


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My eyes flew open, but his hand ensured I still couldn’t see him. He kept his palm there, and his arm shook. My heart was pounding so hard, it ached — God, itachedbut it was the best kind of pain I could imagine.

“Please don’t say anything,” he said quickly, before I could get out a word. I would have stumbled over them anyway; my tongue seemed to have entirely lost its grasp on language. “This doesn’t depend on you saying anything. I love you. I’velovedyou. For so long. And I’ll love you, even if you don’t love me back. I’ll love you even if this is the last day I ever see you.”

But it wouldn’t be the last day. It couldn’t be. I didn’t want there to be a “last day” with any of them.

He went on, and every word made that ache a little deeper, a little sweeter. “If you leave and spend your life with someone else, I’ll love you still. I want you to be happy, Jess, no matter who it’s with. And I’ll love you through all of it. Always. Forever.”

It felt blasphemous to speak, but I had to.

“Why?” My question sounded so much more vulnerable than I’d meant it to. It shook, as much as his arm did.

“Because you were my glimpse of heaven from hell,” he said. “You were the sun in my sky, and now you’re like a comet sent to earth. A wildfire I can touch...kiss...hold...” He kissed my cheek until I giggled, nuzzling his face against mine. “You’re strong. You’re brave. You’re so damn beautiful. You’ve shaken us up, Jess. All of us.” I could hear the smile in his words. “I just can’t keep my damn mouth shut, so...there it is.”

He uncovered my eyes, but moved his hand down to my mouth instead. His gaze was warm as he looked at me. “Don’t say anything back. I mean it. I want you to think about it. I want you to have time. Okay?”

Smiling against his hand, I nodded. My body was buzzing. My chest felt light. I could have run a marathon, I could have climbed a mountain in that moment. And my mind was still racing. I couldn’t discern a single logical thought in my brain, but I didn’t need to.

Love.

He loved me.

Manson Reedlovedme.

“Now, when I uncover your mouth, I want you to tell me how damn good that cake is,” he said. He laughed when my own laughter was muffled against his hand. “And then I want you to tell me your best stories from college. I want to hear what I missed in those years you were gone. Can you do that?”

I nodded again, and when he let me go, that was exactly what I did. After a while, we moved to bed, finishing off the cake and passing the bottle back and forth so we could drink straight from it.

We talked for hours in soft whispers, and I lost track of time. Sleep came slowly, then all at once. I drifted off in his arms, drunk on wine, full from cake, and happy.

I’d never been so happy.










20 - Jessica

Manson’s kisses wokeme up. He was kissing my neck, then my cheek, and when I groaned softly and rolled over, he kissed my mouth until I absolutely melted.

“Don’t go,” I said sleepily. My eyes weren’t even fully open, but my bed would be so empty without him.

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