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This was why I tried, and why I had tokeeptrying even when it sucked. For her. For all of us.
The blinding rage had leaked out of me, but apprehension was left in its place. I hadn’t said a word in that security office because I hadn’t dared to. If I’d moved, if I’d opened my mouth at all, I would have made everything so much worse. But that had left Jess to handle it alone, and I could have slapped myself for doing that to her.
Finally, I managed to get out, “I’m sorry.” The words felt sticky and thick in my mouth. “I shouldn’t have been driving like that.” I put my arms around her, embracing her tightly, then even tighter as the seconds went by. God, I didn’t want to fuck this up and make a mistake that would drive her away. “Thank you for calling me out on it.”
“I understand,” she said, her voice soft and muffled against my chest before I loosened my hold. “I don’t blame you for being pissed off, Lucas. I am too. The next time I see Danielle or Candace...” She cracked her knuckles against her palm, such a vicious look on her face that I couldn’t help but laugh.
It wasn’t that I didn’t find her intimidating; it was the opposite. Pissed-off Jessica was merciless and I fucking loved it.
“Don’t be getting into fights,” I said. “At least not without me there, got it?”
“Got it. I’ll wait until you’re with me so you can enjoy the show.” The thought made me smile, and her fingers brushed over my cheek before she said quietly, “I like it when you smile.”
The expression swiftly disappeared once she pointed it out. She said it so tenderly that my face heated even more, as if I wasn’t sweating enough already.
“I don’t like my smile much,” I said. It was a sentence I really shouldn’t have bothered to utter. What the hell did I want out of it — pity?
But she clicked her tongue, not as if she pitied me but as if she thought I was wrong. “Why not?”
It was shockingly difficult to do this “open and honest” communication thing. It made me antsy, like I needed to get up and run a mile instead of speaking anymore.
I turned toward her, baring my teeth and pulling my lower lip down, expecting her to cringe with disgust.
My teeth weren’t pretty, especially on my lower jaw. They were crooked and misaligned, yellowed from too much coffee and cigarettes. So I hid them. I didn’t give big toothy smiles. I hardly dared to even part my lips.
“My mouth is fucked up,” I said, shrugging as I turned away again. “My family never had the money for braces, or any regular dental work. Had to pull six teeth a few years ago because they got so bad.” I cleared my throat uncomfortably. “It’s just ugly, Jess, there’s no other way to say it.”
This time when she touched my face, it was to turn it toward her. She gripped her fingers around my jaw and pulled my head down into a demanding kiss. I clutched her waist, and she spread her legs and pulled my hand down to lay it against her thigh.
“Listen to me,” she said when she parted from my mouth and I was left breathlessly wanting more. “I like your smile. I like your crooked teeth. I like the filthy things you say.” She kept me close, gripping my shirt. God, I craved that fiery side of her. The more demanding, pushy, and confident she acted, the more I longed for her. “I like the way it makes me feel when you bare your teeth at me, and when you bite me...” I leaned into her neck and did just that. She groaned, and I traced my fingers up her leg, pushing her skirt up. “I love the way you touch me...the way you make me feel...”
Did she even notice when she switched from saying “like” to “love”? Because I sure as hell did. The word pricked my skin like a needle, but the drug that flowed through my veins wasn’t poison.
What a hopelessly desperate word. What a beautiful word...what a beautiful idea.
I pressed her back, practically climbing on top of her as I bit the soft flesh on her shoulder, holding on and tightening my hold every time she whimpered and squirmed.
Usually, when I felt this lost, I had Manson there to set me straight. To guide me through the anger back to reality. He knew how to focus my brain, how to redirect my attention and hold it. But Manson wasn’t here, and I still needed that outlet to let go.
Jess paused, and I lifted my head, watching her face. She was smiling as she watched me; a small, clever smile that made her green eyes sparkle.
“Kneel,” she said. Her voice was soft but her words were firm, and it made something inside me clench up tight in anticipation. “Get on your knees.”
I stared at her without moving. This was new. Overcoming her and overpowering her struggles had always been thething, a craving it seemed both she and I shared. She’d never tried to take command before, but hearing that authoritative tone in her voice was sexy as hell.
“Why should I, sweetheart?” I said, growling the words into her mouth as I kissed her again. I’d thought kissing wasn’t my thing — Manson being the exception because shit, the things he could do with his tongue made me weak — but Jess had quickly fallen into that exception too. Her whole body moved when she kissed me; it melded against me like hot wax, pouring into every hollow place inside me.
“Because you’re distracted,” she said. “You’re hurting. You’re angry. Let me...”
We paused again, out of breath. Her lips brushed mine, and I could barely open my eyes to look at her. She was too beautiful, too perfect. If I looked at her, she would vanish like a mirage.
Her open palm caressed over my head, coming to rest at the back of my skull.
“I want you...” she said.
“You shouldn’t. I’m disgusting. Fucking filthy.”
She smiled wickedly. “I like disgusting boys.”
