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"Then let's see how it goes," Jacob says, nodding. "At least you're getting some, which is more than Norah here."
"Come on," she says, "I could be getting some. I'm just busy."
"No excuses," Jacob says, admonishing her. "You choose work over dating, let's face it."
"I'm just so tired of it. You swipe right a gazillion times to meet some dude who doesn't look like his pictures or if he does, and I like him, he doesn't like me. Well, you know, it's not always like that, but it just takes up so much time. At least when you meet people at a bar or through work you have that instant chemistry thing. With online dating you have to go for a coffee or drink to figure out if you even have that. So, I'm waiting till I meet someone great in real life, which means it might take time, and that's OK."
I nod. "I hear you."
As the evening progresses, I can't help but steal glances at my phone, thoughts of Roland creeping back into my mind. But for now, I focus on the laughter and camaraderie around me, letting the night be a respite from my hopes and worries regarding my love life... and work.
As Sunday rolls around, I'm feeling lighter and happier than I have in a while. Saturday was great and I feel ready to settle down and study for some upcoming exams. Damien is heading out with friends, so I'll have some much-needed alone time.
By midday, I take a break from my studies, and write Roland a message as I haven't heard from him. Hey, how's your Sunday going? I write. He messaged me first the previous days, so I think it's good to show some initiative.
I then do some yoga, eat lunch while watching a Netflix series, and then return to work.
The minutes tick by, turning into hours, but there's no response from Roland. I try to push my mounting anxiety aside, telling myself that he's probably just busy or hasn't seen my message yet. But as the evening comes to a close and still no word from him, I can't help but worry.
I can't imagine Roland ignoring a text just to play some sort of game. He's so different from the previous guys I've dated. In comparison, they seem... immature, still figuring things out. Roland has a home, a career, and a daughter. He's not trying to become an artist while living in his mother's basement or taking classes in college while driving for Uber or working any number of odd jobs. Nor is he in some sedate nine-to-five kind of situation. He's living his dream. And it's ridiculous how attractive it is when a man seems so... sure of himself. What I first felt was off-putting has grown on me because I've now seen it in the right light. The first encounter was a time when Roland shouldn't have been so confident!
I shake myself. One of the things yoga has taught me is trying to read other people is pointless. I don't mean that reading their body language is pointless. Reading people as such is fine. Trying to figure out why someone hasn't texted you is pointless. You have no idea what's going on in their mind. That's the shit you have to let go of during meditation, thoughts you can't get answers to. And making stuff up is just worse.
I resolutely decide to go to sleep, figuring that answers will present themselves if and when they're meant to.
Chapter sixteen
Roland
Roland
It's Monday morning, and I wake up with a heavy cloud hanging over my head. Why the hell does Sofia want custody now? She hasn't seen or asked about Carmen since her first birthday.
"Focus, Roland," I mutter to myself as I run a hand through my dark hair. "You've got bigger problems than an ex-wife."
Actually, I don't. But my ex shouldn't be a problem. The way she acted after Carmen was born... I shake my head. At the time, it hurt me deeply. Later, it just pissed me off. Then I came to a point when I was just happy for Carmen and Sofia to become history. Now, is she going to come back and upset things?
I swing my legs out of bed. My beard feels a little unruly–I'm going to have to stop at the barbers at lunch.
No matter what I tell myself, anxiety gnaws at my gut as I get dressed. I know there will be a battle ahead–a battle I need to win for Carmen's sake.
"Morning," Maddie calls as I walk down the stairs. She must have just come in as her hair is windblown and she's still carrying her backpack. I notice she's wearing a skirt that matches the weather outside–if not my mood. Her eyes widen when she sees me, and she raises an eyebrow. "Wow, you look... rough."
"Thanks," I grumble. "Just what I needed to hear." But I can't resist a smile as I look at her. "Nice skirt."
"Thanks. Should I get you a coffee or are you coming to the kitchen?"
I look at my watch. "Actually, my lawyer might be in early today, so I'm going to go upstairs again and make a phone call. Why don't you come up and join me? Bring some coffee for us both. I won't be able to chat for long, but let's at least say good morning."
"All right, see you up there."
I head back upstairs and outside to the rooftop. I pull out my phone and dial my lawyer's number, taking a deep breath as it rings.
"Hey, it's Roland Carmichael," I say when he picks up. "Listen, we've got a problem. Sofia wants custody of Carmen, as I suspected. I was served yesterday. They gave me two weeks to respond."
"All right,” my lawyer says. “I'll continue looking into Sofia and give you a report by end of the week at the latest. Do you have any idea beyond the drugs why she'd want custody?"
"No. She wasn't in a bad place when she had Carmen. Didn't show signs of being depressed. You know, sometimes a mother rejects her child due to postpartum depression. Sofia was just reluctant to keep the baby, and it got worse after she was born. I thought the opposite would happen. But Sofia wanted to go back to living her life. And it's not like she hadn't already led a full life or didn't have access to nannies to be able to continue doing what she loved. She simply wanted no part in Carmen's life. I thought maybe the responsibility was just too much and she'd prefer to visit after we split, but she rarely ever visited. She hasn't seen Carmen since her first birthday. And as I hear she's still partying, I can't see why she's suddenly decided she wants to settle down."
