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I inched closer, my eyes tracing over three small snowflakes. Emotion welled in my throat and I swallowed over the lump lodged inside. My fingers were still against his skin, my eyes glued to the small, intricate design.
“I got it for you, Winter.”
My breath caught in my throat as my heart felt like a vice grip was tightening around it. “When?”
He was silent for a moment. “Right after you left.”
“But why?”
He was such a contradiction, pulling my heart in every possible direction.
“My father always said if I got a tattoo, I’d regret it, so I decided to get a tattoo of my biggest regret.”
His words felt like a blow to my chest. I abruptly pulled my hand away from his neck as the pain struck my heart like a bolt of lightning.
My voice was barely audible. “I was your biggest regret?”
He pulled the car off the road onto a small pull-off spot that sat between two rows of trees. “No.” Kai’s gaze met mine as he put the car in park and turned to face me. “Pushing you away was my biggest regret.” He paused for two heartbeats before speaking again. “This was where I used to leave my car when I would sneak into your house at night.”
I stared at him for a moment, a touch of sadness filling me as my eyes searched his.
He let out a soft sigh and I watched his chest as it deflated. “I don’t know how to do this right.”
“What do you mean? Do what right?”
“This.” He lifted our hands that were still clasped together. “Am I supposed to take you somewhere else? Am I supposed to take you home? You’re giving me a chance to start over and I refuse to mess things up.”
A smile pulled on my lips as his words soothed my soul. Here, I had been thinking he wanted to take me home because he wanted to get rid of me for the night, but I was completely wrong. He’d been sitting here with anxious thoughts of not knowing what his next move should be. Kai was a strategic player. He was a master of chess and knew his opponent's next move. When it came to this thing between us, he had no idea what his next move was supposed to be because he couldn’t predict anything.
“Kai… There's no right or wrong way to do things. Let your heart lead you.”
His eyes were glued to mine and there was a touch of confusion and hesitation in his features. This was all foreign for him and a part of me felt honored that I was the one he had chosen to figure out this undiscovered territory with. I knew he never experienced love from his parents and I instantly felt guilty for questioning his love for me in the past.
I didn’t lie when I said I felt like he did it in his own way that may not have been conventional. Nonetheless, he still loved me then.
“Your heart won’t lead you astray,” I assured him as I reached up with my free hand and cupped the side of his face. “Just feel and go with it.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said with so much emotion in his voice, although it was barely above a whisper. “I can’t bear the thought of doing it again.” His eyelids fluttered shut as I ran my fingers along the curvature of his jaw.
His admission splintered my heart. “I trust you not to, Kai.”
“What if you were right?” He was hesitant with his words and when he opened his eyes, the air left my lungs in a rush. Deep within the stormy depths of his irises, there was a mixture of fear and regret, laced with hope and adoration. “What if I don’t know how to love you properly?”
Regret pierced my heart and I frowned slightly as my eyes desperately searched his. His internal critic was usually the voice of his father, but I was the one who planted these thoughts in his mind.
“Kai,” I whispered as I slid my hand around the back of his neck. I closed the distance between us as I made the move I knew I needed to. It was something he needed from me and I would give him whatever reassurance he needed. “I apologize for the things I said out of anger. I was hurting and I wanted you to hurt as well.”
“I deserve any and all of your anger, darling,” he said softly, his lips brushing against mine. “Please don’t ever feel as though you owe me an apology for expressing your feelings.”
He may have been abrasive and standoffish with everyone else, but the fact that he had a soft spot reserved only for me melted my heart.
“I know you can love me properly. I just need you to believe it yourself.”
He stared at me for a moment. “If you believe in me, that’s all I need.”
His lips crashed into mine and I expected his kiss to be bruising, but it was a stark contrast. His mouth was soft and gentle as he began his slow, torturous assault on my soul. They moved against my own lips with such a tenderness, it threatened to shatter me into a million pieces right then and there. A mixture of emotions and memories flooded me as he kissed me like he had once before.
“You’re everything, Winter,” he breathed as he thrust into me once more. “Fucking everything.”
