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If it was her, there had to be some explanation. There had to be.
Chapter 40
Harper
By the time Christian steered his Jeep into the neighborhood, my initial shock had worn off, to be replaced by anger. Even though I was convinced that this was not my mother, I was still angry at the thought that it could be and that this could be my new reality—the reality where my mother left me for a new life I didn't fit into.
Christian slowed as he swerved his Jeep to the side of the road before stopping in front of a massive red brick home with a perfectly manicured lawn. It wasn't as big as Christian's house, but it was ten times the house I grew up in.
As I studied the property, I knew Christian was wrong. He'd made a mistake. The last time I saw my mom, she weighed about 90 pounds; the meth had eaten her face and teeth up, and track marks covered her arms. There was no way she ended up here.
Jumping out of the Jeep, a wave of confidence washed over me. Confidence that I wasn't going to find my mother here. That meant I still didn't know where she was, alive or dead, though.
Christian followed me up the long driveway, neither of us saying a word.
I knocked once before turning to lock eyes with Christian.
The door creaked open, and when my head snapped to the open doorway, my heart sank.
My mother stood there.
She didn't look the same as the last time I saw her. Her dark hair was now long, with expensive streaks of blonde. She was still thin but not emaciated. She looked healthy and happy. An overwhelming wave of emotions washed over me as I stood frozen, eyes locked on her. Every part of my heart wanted to hug her, thankful she was alive, but my head knew the truth. She'd abandoned me.
"Harper?" my mother asked, a smile spreading across her face.
"Mom?"
The word mom must have jolted her back into whatever reality she lived in, because her smile disappeared as she stepped outside, quickly closing the door behind her.
"Harper," she whispered. "You can't be here." Those words cut deeper than I ever thought a word could do. "If you want to talk, we'll have to do it somewhere else later."
Was she serious? No, we were doing this now.
"I thought you were dead," I screamed, my fist balling at my side. Tears burned the back of my eyes as my chest heaved with hurt and anger. "You left me and never came back."
"Please keep your voice down," she hissed.
"How could you?" I yelled, ignoring her plea. The tears broke free, streaming down my face.
"Life isn't that black and white," she said. "I didn't have a choice."
She didn't have a choice? No, I didn't have a choice. I didn't have a choice about who my mother was or if she left me or not. She had so many choices and made the wrong one every time.
"It doesn't look like you're being held against your will." I pointed to the beautiful house behind her.
"What do you want me to say, Harper?" She threw her hands up.
"How about the truth," I said, feeling my heart shatter into a million pieces.
"Fine," she scowled. "You want the truth?" Her tone changed as her jaw flexed and her fist clenched at her side. She was angry. That only made me madder. She had no right to be angry. "Levi dumped me on the side of the road and told me never to come back. Alex found me. He helped me get clean. Paid for my rehab."
I almost snorted a laugh. She'd been to rehab so many times' and fallen back down the same hole every time."Why didn't you come back for me?" I screamed so hard my chest burned.
"I couldn't," she cried. "Alex didn't want someone with children; he was my only chance to have a normal life. I needed him."
"I needed you," I sobbed, grabbing my chest.
"He had three small children, and they had just lost their mother," she said, ignoring me. My chest tightened. She could be their mother but not mine. She could clean up for them but not me. "I'm sorry, Harper, but not everything is about you." My head spun as I tried to catch my breath. "We could have a secret relationship, but Alex could never know about us. He doesn't want people like you around his kids."
