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CHAPTERONE
SUTTON
“There you are,” Hawk says as he comes up behind Tessa.
He wraps his arms around her hips, and my best friend spins in his embrace, her dreamy smile matching his.
I look down at the bar top while they kiss, trying not to feel like a third wheel. Grabbing a napkin from the dispenser next to me, I twist it in my hands in a familiar, anxious gesture. I’ve been to the Savage Saints MC clubhouse a dozen times to visit Tessa at work, but my nerves still get the best of me if I’m here longer than ten minutes.
It’s not just the clubhouse, though. I get panic attacks if I’m in the grocery store and someone is blocking an aisle I need to go down or if I’m waiting in line and someone steps up a little too close behind me.
Basically, I’m a pathetic mess.
The air around me grows heavy, and a spark of awareness shoots down my spine.Rider is here.I get the same feeling every time the tall, muscled, mysterious man is around me.
Turning slightly, I see Rider’s large silhouette sitting on the barstool on the other side of Hawk and Tessa. My eyes trace the sharp lines of his nose and chin, then wander down to his bulging biceps and thick, corded forearms covered in ink. I imagine what it would be like to curl up in his lap and have those arms wrapped around me, protecting me from everything. Maybe my anxiety wouldn’t be so crippling if I knew I had someone like Rider by my side.
I tear my gaze away from Rider, but not before capturing his chocolate brown eyes. He’s so intense, yet I don’t feel like he’s scrutinizing or objectifying me. No, when Rider’s attention is on me, I feel… safe. Seen. Protected. All things I had been sorely lacking in my life until recently.
A yawn sneaks up on me. I close my eyes, breaking eye contact with Rider as I lift my hand to cover my mouth. I haven’t stopped yawning since I stepped into the clubhouse an hour ago to visit Tessa while she finished her bartending shift.
“Why are you so tired, Sutton?” Tessa asks.
“Oh, you know,” I say vaguely as I shrug. “Working on a big design project.”
It’s not a lie, but it’s not the whole truth. Iamworking on a big design project I hope to finish soon. The client paid half up-front, and I get the other half once everything is complete. As for the rest…
“You need to rest and take care of yourself,” my friend gently reminds me. Tessa rests her hand on my shoulder, squeezing slightly. “You have people who care about you now. It’s not about survival anymore. We get to decide how we live our lives.”
I nod, smiling at Tessa. I know she means well, but I’m not done operating in survival mode. It’s not her fault she doesn’t know. I haven’t had the heart to tell her about my dreadful trip back to my hometown a few weeks ago that changed everything. How could I? She’s finally safe and happy and living her best life with Hawk. The last thing I want to do is burden her with my family drama and living situation.
“Thanks for the reminder,” I say before another yawn creeps up on me.
Tessa furrows her brow, and I catch Rider doing the same behind her. His eyes haven’t left me once since he sat down, but I don’t mind.
My friend opens her mouth to say something, but she’s cut off by someone slamming their beer mug down on the bar top. Every muscle in my body tenses and I gasp, trying unsuccessfully to hide my whimper.
A second later, I regain control, telling myself I’m not in danger. It was just a loud noise. With each steady breath, I remind myself I’m not back in my childhood home, listening to my parents fight or scream at me for being in the way.
When I open my eyes again, Tessa has a worried look. I notice that Rider is gone, his drink untouched on the counter.
“I’m okay,” I tell Tess with a reassuring smile. “Still working on my jump-scare reflexes,” I say with a weak chuckle.
My bestie is unimpressed by my attempt at a joke, but she doesn’t say anything else.
“Let’s get you home, beautiful,” Hawk tells Tessa before kissing her on the temple. She leans into his touch, that same dreamy smile spreading across her face.
Loneliness threatens to consume me, but I swallow past the lump in my throat. I’m happy for my friend. Ecstatic. No one deserves a happily ever after more than Tessa after everything she’s been through. Her horrible, abusive father finally got what was coming to him, thanks to the Savage Saints MC.
Hawk takes Tessa’s hand and leads her toward the door. I hop off my stool and follow them out into the parking lot.
“Thanks for visiting me at work tonight,” Tessa says as they approach Hawk’s motorcycle.
“Of course,” I tell her, giving my friend a hug. “I don’t get to see you as often these days, so I’ll jump on any chance to hang out.”
I meant for my comment to be sweet, but Tessa frowns slightly. “I know I kind of dropped off the face of the earth for a bit—”
I hold my hands up to stop her. “I didn’t mean to guilt-trip you.”
