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Charlie pulled Elda off the sofa and drew her in. “Let’s go back to mine tonight. Let Jack have the house to himself for a change.”
Elda nodded and tidied away the cups and plates they’d collected.
“Let me just grab a couple of bits and say goodbye.”
Charlie kissed Elda on the lips and watched her climb the stairs, two at a time, admiring the cut of her jeans against her thighs.
With their bags packed and coats on, they walked hand in hand to the car to drive the short route back to Charlie’s house.
Inside, they took up their usual sofa spots. Charlie leaned against Elda, but she sensed a cold stiffness in her body. It was almost imperceptible, but her shoulders were rigid, and Charlie was sure she wasn’t imagining the distance growing between them.
Elda’s gaze moved to the sideboard and the messy zigzag of family photos. “You know that photo in your office?” Her casual tone didn’t quite hide the strain behind her question.
“Yeah.” Charlie sat up straighter and pulled her hand through her hair.
“It’s you and Theresa, isn’t it?” Elda looked at Charlie. “The girl in the photo.”
Charlie closed her eyes and stopped for a few painful seconds. She hadn’t kept Theresa from Elda, but nor had she shared the whole story. It just hadn’t come up. Now it was a thing, and she would have to explain a part of her life that she’d kept to herself. “Yes, it’s Theresa.” She bit her lip and drew Elda towards her. “You know she was important to me. But she’s also the main reason I studied family law. I wanted to help people like her. So, I keep her picture at the office to remind me why I spend so many hours there.” She was skirting around the question, but she didn’t know how to fill the gaps in Elda’s knowledge without blowing it all out of proportion.
“Really? How come?”
It was a reasonable question, and Elda’s tone was still light, but Charlie sensed there was more to it. “She died when I was seventeen.”
Elda’s pupils flicked from side to side. “I know. You told me.”
“I haven’t really ever talked about what happened because it’s a lot. And to be honest, sometimes, I forget about her for a few weeks, and it just doesn’t really come up.”
“I know she meant something to you. But you don’t need to tell me anything you don’t want to.”
“She lived across the road from me when I was growing up.”
“Okay. And you were friends?”
Elda rubbed Charlie’s arm, and she softened beneath her touch. Charlie leaned back and looked up at the ceiling. She had to give Elda more, but she didn’t know if she’d be able to cope. “My neighbours across the road were her foster parents. Kim was very young and in a right mess when she had her. Let’s just say that she wasn’t around for a lot of Theresa’s childhood. We met when we were fourteen, and she started at my school. We walked the same route.” Charlie faltered. “I’m sorry. You deserve an explanation.” Her mind was spinning. Could Elda trust her after this? She would think Charlie had something to hide.This is why I stick to uncomplicated sex. Keep it simple, and no one gets hurt.But it was too late. She was in deep with Elda, and she had to entrust her with her feelings and her past.
“Charlie, what is it?”
She blinked, wishing the right words would come out. “Theresa was the first person I ever loved. We fell in love, and we were together until she died.”
Elda touched Charlie’s arm and tilted her head. “I’m so sorry. What happened?”
Charlie smiled. “Why is that always the first question when someone dies?” For years that had irritated Charlie, but she had come to accept the morbid curiosity.
“I’m sorry.” Elda broke away and rubbed at her own arms. She looked embarrassed. “I shouldn’t have asked. I’ve just never seen you like this.”
“It’s fine. It was a long time ago.” Charlie inhaled. “Theresa was beautiful and kind. She was intoxicating, and I fell for her. She taught me who I was, really.”
Elda sat still, giving her the space to collect her thoughts.
“She struggled. Everything was hard for her. She never believed she deserved to be loved.” Charlie swallowed and dipped her head. She’d never gotten used to telling Theresa’s story. “I guess that it all got too much for her, and she ended it.” Charlie tasted acid in the back of her throat. The memory made her feel sick.
“Jesus, Charlie. How do you even begin to process something like that?”
“You don’t. No one really knew about our relationship at the time. To begin with, my mum and dad thought she was just the girl across the road that I hung around with. It was sad, but they moved on. I didn’t even see Theresa’s foster parents, and they moved away eventually. No one took any notice of me, except for Kim, who figured out that we’d been in a relationship.” Charlie shrugged and looked across at Elda. “I had some counselling after university, which is why I can explain it all in a couple of sentences.” Charlie placed her hands on her lap. “Anyway, Theresa is the reason I went into family law. I wanted to do something. Make the system a bit better. I’m not sure law was the answer, but here I am.”
“Here you are.”
Charlie shook her head and got up. She began picking up papers and piling books to keep her hands busy. She knew that Elda struggled to trust people and feared being left again. She hated that this baggage might make Elda doubt her.
