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Elda turned back to her own mother, scowling at the other women.
“That one has done nothing but moan. And the other snores all night. She,” pointing to the popular woman, “only came in this morning and she acts like she owns the place.”
Elda bit down on her tongue and rubbed at the fabric of her trousers, trying not to absorb her mother’s vitriol towards the world.
“When do you think you’ll be ready to come home?” She smiled.
“I can’t come home Elda, until they say so, and then there’ll be rehab,” her mum said with a fiery look in her eyes.
“Yeah, I know. I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant it would be nice to get you home, where you’re comfortable.” Elda held out her hand and patted her mum’s arm. It was cold underneath the thin cotton dressing gown.
“Your nan’s getting worse. She’s not well and not keeping much down now. She’s been in here for all sorts and they sent off something for testing.”
“What do you mean? What tests?” Elda’s thoughts were spinning like a helicopter above her head.
“She was in last week, I told you. Up in the ward for prodding and probing. The poor love, she was full of holes by the time they were done with her.”
Elda looked at the spotless floor and heard a siren somewhere outside. Her mother was still talking. She wished she was anywhere but here. She let the plastic chair take her weight, imagining she was still cocooned in her studio, sketching Charlie’s jawline. She screwed her eyes shut, trying to dredge up an ounce of empathy for her mum. But none came. Her scattered thoughts landed on her nan, sat alone in the house waiting for someone, anyone, to come home.
Chapter Twenty-Four
When Elda reached her family home, she stood at the door for a moment. It was late, and she didn’t want to worry her grandmother. She was also frightened of what she was going to face inside. As she turned the key, she called out.
“Nan, it’s only me. I’m here now.”
Her grandmother slumped in her usual spot, her neck disappearing into her shoulders. As she stirred from a doze, she lifted her head from her shrunken frame. Loose skin hung around her jowls. Elda reached around her, feeling the sharp bones of her shoulders.
Damp stagnated in the room, so Elda flicked on the heating.
“Have you had anything for your tea? Has Cath been up from number fifty?”
“No, love. She came this morning, but she had to go into town to pick her grandson up.”
“Have you been on your own since this morning? What have you eaten?” Elda picked up discarded dishes and cups, clearing the carpet of tripping hazards.
“I’m not hungry, little one. You get something for yourself.”
In the kitchen, Elda tried to assemble ingredients, but the cupboards were empty and thick grease covered the worktop. It was clear that her mum wasn’t on top of things at home.
Elda screwed up her nose and stood back to take in the state of the place. She rubbed her cheeks and under her eyes. The room shifted in and out of focus. This was too much. A knot of guilt was gathering in her chest. She flicked on the kettle and faced the overflowing bin. The smell made her step back.How have I missed this? I don’t understand what’s been going on.
Tears sprang to her eyes as she started to understand how much her grandmother had done around the house. Only now, as it started to unravel, was it so obvious.
She took two hot cups of tea into the living room and plumped life into her nan’s pillows. She couldn’t rest yet. Elda could smell stale urine.
“Let’s get you freshened up a bit before we settle down with our tea.” With the supplies within reach, Elda lifted her nan to standing. She was much shorter than she remembered, and Elda towered above.
Elda began to play a tape in her head of what might have happened if she hadn’t been able to get here tonight.
“It’s only us, isn’t it, Nan? We’ve got to look after ourselves.” Elda filled the dead air with a one-way conversation. She’d heard her own mother do this many times, and thought she just enjoyed talking nonsense, but now she understood that the silence was unbearable.
“That’s it, just lean against me.” She pulled her grandmother towards her and supported her lower back. Elda shifted, easing her grandmother back into the chair. She drew a fleece blanket over her stone-cold feet.
“I think I’ll go and see the doctor tomorrow myself. Or at least speak to them on the phone. Perhaps they can give us a better idea of when Mum might be home.” She looked at her nan’s face. It was covered in tiny lines and looked washed over with grey. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Yes, I’m all right. I’m glad your mum is feeling better. It was awful. She called the ambulance herself, you know? Clever thing. I’m not much help these days.” Her voice was weak, and she closed her eyes with the effort.
Elda sat close and held her clammy hand. A few minutes passed. The clock on the cooker said seven o’clock. Her own skin crawled at the dirt she could see everywhere. She went to the kitchen and took out cloths and bleach.
