Page 64 of Here You Are


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“He thought you were a burden, lady. And eventually, he hated me because I had you.” Her mum stubbed her cigarette into an overflowing ashtray. “How dare you come in here attacking me when my own mother has just dropped dead. You selfish little bitch.” Her mum swung her feet onto the floor and rose.

“Okay, Mum. That’ll do.” Elda raised a hand. Inside, her skinny, six-year-old self stood in the doorway as her mother’s anger unfolded. She remembered the bedroom had always been a frantic place, words and objects launched like cannonballs. She had the sense of a man’s shadow at her shoulder, pushing Elda behind him. He had a large, calloused hand and rough, splintered nails. She’d been frightened, and her cries caught in her chest. She was remembering her dad, protecting her from her rampaging mother.

“Put this behind you, Elda. Your nan’s gone. We need to move on with our lives now,” her mum said, dragging Elda back to the present.

“That’s all we are to you, isn’t it? Just emotional crutches keeping you going. You don’t love any of us.” Elda grabbed the hair at the back of her neck. “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” She turned and slammed the door behind her.

“Elda, don’t make threats you can’t keep, my love.” Her mum laughed.

Elda choked back her fury. She had to leave this toxic house. There was nothing here for her except her mother’s deception. She wondered whether anything in her life was truly hers. She’d been tormented by Charlie’s distance and was furious with her for carrying on with her life while Elda was stuck on pause waiting for her grandmother to die.

She was torn between wanting Charlie so much it hurt and wanting to run away from everything, and she battled with the voice inside her head telling her that no one loved her now. Even Charlie wasn’t really there when she needed her most. She’d put Kim and the children before Elda on the night her nan had died.

Anger smouldered beneath her skin, and she craved the contentment she’d had a few short months ago. Before everyone she loved had deserted her, one way or another.

Chapter Thirty-One

Charlie held the corner of the car door and popped her hand over the sharp edge to protect Sam’s head as he got out. Chloe followed him.

“Stay with me, guys, until I can get Jacob out.” He was sleepy but unclipped himself, and she reached for his hand. “Here, little man. Let’s go and see the sea.”

Her mother walked down the crunchy gravel drive towards her, arms open wide.

“Look at you four. What a sight,” she shouted, clearly bursting with joy at having her daughter and new people to fuss over. “Let me help you, Charlie. Give me that bag. You take your time. You dad’s got the kettle on. Isn’t it a gorgeous day?”

“Chloe, Sam, take your bags in and follow Mum. This is Mandy, everyone.” She bent down to Jacob. “She lives here by the sea, and we’re going to have a little holiday here.”

“Where is the sea? Is it in the back garden? Is Mummy coming too?” Jacob pawed at Charlie’s leg.

“The sea is just behind the house, sweetheart. Not quite in the garden but nearly. And yes, your mummy is coming tomorrow. She’s going to get the train to the big town that we passed on the way, and we’re going to pick her up.”

“When’s she coming, love?”

“Not sure of timing yet, Mum.” Charlie threw a look which begged her not to pursue the details with the children in earshot. “Let’s get in, and we can get a bit more settled.”

The group walked into a shadow spreading from the doorway, and Charlie’s dad stepped across the threshold.

“My goodness, what a troop we have here,” he bellowed, even though they were within earshot. “You’d better not have come here to eat all my party food.”

Charlie grinned. Her parents were signalling their generous welcome to the children in the only way they knew, loud and proud hospitality.

“Party food?” Jacob tugged at Charlie’s pocket and then jumped forward to fall in line with Mandy. “Are you having a party?”

“I should think so. A right old welcome party for you three, our special guests for the weekend.” Her mum hooked his hand and led him into the hallway, where he pushed off both trainers with his toes and continued to natter.

Sam shrugged off his rucksack and dithered, waiting for instruction.

“Would you like a drink, Sam? I have something for you.” Her mum led him inside. “I need your help to set up the gaming room. I borrowed a Nintendo from my friend Jim, who lives down the road.”

Her mum had thought of everything when Charlie had no room for anything else in her head. She looked back at Chloe, hesitating, her nails digging into the strap of her bag. Charlie put a free hand on Chloe’s back and rubbed it. “It’s okay. You’re safe here with me. Plus, they’ve got great Wi-Fi.” She squeezed her shoulder and guided her inside.

It didn’t take too long for the teenagers to lose themselves in their screens, and Jacob to become engrossed in a game of snakes and ladders with Charlie’s dad. The knot of unease inside her chest loosened just an inch or two and she took her eyes off them, following her mum into the kitchen.

“Well, love, you didn’t say much on the phone. What’s going on? Two teens and a little one is an awful lot to handle on your own.” Her mum scrubbed at a saucepan lid and rinsed it under running water as she cleared up after breakfast.

“I know, that’s why I’m here. I need help. This has just sort of…unravelled.” Charlie was out of breath, trying to say everything at once and keep her volume down. “I couldn’t speak properly on the phone. The kids were hanging around, and Kim was with me. She’s going to the flat this weekend to pack up Darren’s stuff. He’s not there. There’s a restraining order in place, so she knows to call the police if anything’s awry.”

“And he’ll be gone, will he? Just like that?” Her mum’s back straightened.

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