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Shenods, wringing her hands together in front of her. “Justwanted to talk.Didyou eat today?”
Nowthat she asks,Ididn’t eat today, butI’mnot about to tell her that.I’malso not about to let her off the hook.
Ishake my head. “Ican’t talk today, maybe we can have a rain check.”Eventhough that’s likely not happening. “AndIdid eat today, thanks for asking.”It’shard to be so formal with her when just not long ago we were making jokes, growing closer, sharing kisses.
Hereyes glaze over with unshed tears and she nods before turning away from me, but stops before shutting the door. “Justso you know,” she says quietly with a sad smile, “I’msorry.”Thenshe shuts the door softly behind her.
Everypart of me wants to follow her, spin her around, and push her up against the wall before kissing her senseless.ButIknow it’s wrong, no matter how right it feels even just thinking about it.DoIaccept her apology, forgive her?I’mnot sureIshould, but something inside me desperately wants to.
That’ssomething for me to figure out on a different day.Thereare still a couple more clients coming in today andIplan to be in the right frame of mind for them.
Mynight ends about as well asIexpect it to at this rate — with me heading home alone, thinking about the woman who wants nothing more with me than friendship, and sitting on my back porch with an ice-cold beer.It’stherapeutic, even though it shouldn’t be, to think about her at this moment.
Thesky is full of stars, each oneIlook at shining just a touch brighter than the one before it, and it only makes me think ofGeorgia.She’sthe brightest star in any sky, that muchIknow, butIhad to go through many other stars to figure out she’s the one for me.Howcould she not have realized she had her own shining star standing right in front of her, willing to dull so she could shine brighter?
That’snot whoCamdenis,Ican tell just by interacting with him — he wants the attention on himself, not the woman he puts his arm around.Georgiawould demand to be flaunted, treated like the royaltyIknow she is but thatCamdendoesn’t see her as.
CouldIhave gotten her to see the kind of manIcould be?Sure.Butisn’t that something she has to see for herself? =
God,I’mpathetic.I’msitting here alone, whileGeorgia’sprobably laying inCamden’sbed right this moment, and allIcan think about is her.I’mcomparing her to the stars in the sky, even myself, andIgroan in frustration.Howcan she have such a strong hold on me?
Itshould be easy.Sheplayed me, made me look like a fool.Itshould be easy to push her out of my life, but why does it feel so wrong to do that?I’vespent the work days since everything happened trying my hardest not to go ask her to have lunch with me — becauseI’vegotten so used to her company.
Ihad to lie to her today and tell herIate, whenIdidn’t because just the thought of going out to lunch without her made me feel sick.Myappetite was long gone by the timeIwas able to spare some time for food.Andit was absolutely diminished whenIsawGeorgiastanding outside the office withCamden, talking to him and probably asking what they’re doing tonight.
Whycan’tIjust send her out of my mind?
Unfortunately,Iknow that reason andIhate it.She’sthe best womanI’veever known.Down-to-earth, always wanting to do the best for people, and smiling regardless of what’s going on in her life.Shealways sees the bright side of things, even if there may never be a bright side, andIadmire that about her.
Sowhy was she crying today?
Chapter17
Georgia
“Idon’t know what to do,”ItellWinnieon the phone asIlie back on my bed.
Shesighs, fed up with me talking about this drama while she’s on her honeymoon, and says, “Ithink you know exactly what to do.”IhearSage’smuffled voice in the background and the line disconnects quickly, causing me to frown at the device in my hand.
Idon’t know how to go about everything that’s been happening lately.Camden’sbeen texting me, which is weird compared to how he acted toward me after the wedding, andWinnie’sbeen trying to tell me to give her brother a chance.ButCamdenisn’t the oneIwant to give that chance to, not anymore, andI’mworried ifItell her that she’ll be upset with me.
Thisis whyIalways wanted my feelings for him to be kept to myself in the first place, so it didn’t get in the way of my friendship withWinnie.I’mstarting to think it’s doing exactly that, even thoughCamden’sthe one who played me and hurt me.JustlikeIplayed and hurtBishop.
Thethought ofBishophas me sighing into my blanket, angry with myself for ruining my relationship with the one person who cared about me.I’vetried talking to him, hoping to explain myself in the best wayIcan — even though there’s no logical explanation for whatIdid.Itdoesn’t matter how longI’velooked atCamdenwith hearts in my eyes, it doesn’t change whatIdid toBishop.
I’mnot sureI’llever be able to forgive myself, at least not untilIknowBishopcan forgive me, and that doesn’t seem to be happening anytime soon.Winniesends me aSnapchatof her andSagesitting on the beach in theBahamas, making me wishIwas sitting next to her sipping whatever delicious-looking pink drink she has in her hand.Atleast one of us has managed to find their soulmate.
Isend her a snap back of myself with a frown, showing her how lonelyIam in my house without her here, then throw my phone face down onto my bed.SinceIhave the day off,Iplan on reorganizing my closet since it’s a total disaster right now.Mydirty work clothes are strewn across my bedroom floor, and everythingIopted not to wear is thrown haphazardly on my shelves in the closet.Lookslike a damn tornado went through here, ifI’mbeing honest.
WhereshouldIstart though?
Mybottoms are no longer folded like they used to be from me sifting through the piles every morning, so maybeIcan get to those first since they are less strenuous.I’vealways taken pride in my place, all the color popping from throughout and wax burning in every area possible.Ifyou came in here, you’d thinkIwas baking cookies with how delicious it smells.
Latelythough?I’veforgotten to turn the wax burners on for the day, andI’vebeen coming home to the aroma of vanilla cookies from days ago.Iknow the scent will only linger for so much longer, butIcan’t bring myself to do anythingIusually would.Evencooking,I’veresorted to popping frozen meals into the oven or microwave and eating those instead.
I’msure it’s from feeling guilty about everything, but it’s starting to take a toll on me.MaybeIcan take a trip to go see my parents, sit down with my mother and see what she’s been up to recently.SinceIwork so much,Ibarely have time to go see them on my off days becauseIhave to clean my house instead.It’snot like they live far, maybe a couple streets away from my house, butI’mjust so busy it’s impossible to make time.
Ipick my phone up from the bed, scrolling through my contacts untilIfind my mom, then press the call button.Itrings for a couple minutes until she finally picks up. “Georgia, baby, it’s so good to hear from you!”
