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“No way.” Val waves a dismissive hand. “Why would he do something like that to you?”
“Have you ever spoken to him?”
“No. He doesn’t speak to anyone in the neighborhood.”
“I had the lovely pleasure of talking with him on Friday.”
Jake removes Val’s hands from his ears. “She doesn’t mean it was a lovely pleasure. She’s being sarcastic, Mom.”
“Yeah, I got that, kid.” Val leans in. “What happened?”
I tell Val—and inadvertently Jake—about the candy bowl fiasco, and our conversation thereafter.
“See?” She points her index finger at me. “I told you: His daughter is a little criminal in the making.”
“Well, don’t tell her father that or he’ll bite your head off.”
Jake’s eyebrows pull together in a pensive expression. “So, she stole your bowl; you stole his gnome; and he put a fake spider in your mailbox. It’s your turn to retaliate.”
Val clicks her tongue on the roof of her mouth. “Jake, that’s not nice. We don’t retaliate. We have to be the bigger people and talk about them behind their backs like normal civilized humans.”
“There are no rules in a prank war, Mom.”
I laugh. “I’ve never been in the midst of a prank war. I guess I can Google some ideas.”
“I’m pretty good with pranks.”
Val nods in agreement with her son. “It’s true. He got me with the old tape-on-the-sink-hose prank.”
“But I can’t get into his house. It has to be something outside.” I kneel down in front of the little prankster. “You have any ideas?”
It’s immature and petty, resorting to advice from a child. But Jake is right: It’s my turn to retaliate.
And after the spider in my mailbox, Grant just declared war.
“Are you serious?”
“Of course I’m serious, Simone.” I sandwich the phone between my ear and my shoulder and yank out the cork from the wine bottle. “Guys like this expect everyone to back down. I’ve gotta show him that I’m not afraid.”
“Unless there’s a fake spider in your mailbox.”
“It looked real. You would’ve screamed too.”
“Good thing the six-year-old next door was there to save you.”
I tip the bottle over my glass and hold it there, dumping a copious amount of wine into the glass. “Jake is the best kid ever. He has so many good prank ideas.”
“So, how is pranking the hot guy across the street going to get your candy bowl back?”
“It’s not.” I lift the glass to my lips and take a long sip. “It’s not about the bowl anymore. It’s about showing him that I won’t stand to be treated like this.”
“By stooping to his level.”
“I’m fighting back.” A slow smile stretches across my lips as I imagine the look on his face when he gets a taste of his own medicine. “Maybe I should install a Ring camera of my own so I can catch it in case I’m not home to see it.”
“You’d better be careful. He’s the one with all the footage of you on his property in the middle of the night. I don’t have bail money.”
“Pfft. You can’t see my face on the video.”
