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He didn’t ride his Harley and take off somewhere for an unknown amount of time.
He didn’t stay in the main room at the clubhouse and reminisce about good days gone by. He didn’t spend it with his once burly body that was now frail between one of the bunny’s legs.
No, we had hold up in our house while we spent every waking moment together, talking, hanging out, and sharing things that we didn’t know about one another. Laughing. Joking. You name it, we did it.
I learned exactly where I got my love for old cars. I learned that it really was genetics that caused your favorite flavor of ice cream. Because how else do you explain that my mom’s favorite was chocolate, my dad’s, vanilla, and mine would be strawberry? See the normalized circle? I also learned where I got my taste in music from. The old classics. They don’t make singers like that anymore.
Something else I learned was that Deck had saved my father’s life when he dove in front of a bullet for my dad when I was thirteen years old. I had known that Deck had gotten shot, but since it had been club business, I hadn’t known why until the day before my dad took his last breath.
My dad had told me the day he closed his eyes forever that his dying wish was to see me happy with a good man. A man that would never hurt me. A man that would never betray me. A man that would forsake all others for me.
More importantly, a man that would treat me better than he ever did. I hated that he had regrets. No one should when it’s their time to leave this world. But… you can’t change the past. The only thing you can do is move forward.
So, when Deck had stepped into my dad’s room, I’d found out just who he had been talking about. Apparently, that good man was Deck.
Well, he was a good man in my father’s eyes. But in my eyes, I couldn’t agree.
I, unfortunately, saw his true colors the day we laid my father in the ground. It wasn’t anything major at the time to some, but it was to me.
If you vow to look after someone? To be there for someone through everything? To promise that when the time is right, you will make her your ol’ lady?
What you don’t do is not stand at her side while her father is being laid in the ground. You don’t take off without ensuring that she’s safe before the ceremony is even complete. You also don’t take off without ensuring that she has a way home.
Nor do you have one of the club bunnies all over you at her father’s wake. And later bang said club bunny against the side of the bar in the clubhouse, four hours after your father was laid to rest.
And on top of all of that, in the past twenty-two months, my dad has been watching Deck smack me around from his Harley up in heaven.
He has seen Deck only come to his room when he needed to get his dick wet with me. And that was only if his favorite club bunny was occupied.
I could see my dad now walking into the clubhouse with his sawed-off shotgun and blasting Deck’s middle wide open.
This should have caused a smile to form on my face, but I knew that he had to be rolling over in his grave.
My dad wasn’t there all that much growing up, but when he was here, he was here.
He gave me his undivided attention and never, not once, not in my eighteen years of life, had he ever brought his hand to me in anger. He has never raised his voice to me either.
My mom, on the other hand? When she pissed him off, he had no qualms about getting in her face and letting her have it with both barrels using his loud voice that shook the windows in our house. But never, not once, did he ever lay a hand on that woman.
Closing my eyes, I quelled the tears that threatened to pour down my cheeks at the memory of all that had happened on my eighteenth birthday.
My mother had gotten the news that he was dying. She finally crawled out from under one of the rocks she liked to hide under, showed up, handed me the title to my car, grabbed her bags, and walked out as my father lay there almost gone from this earth.
My dad, after having words with Deck, told him that I was to be his ol’ lady when the time was right. And then, after exacting that promise from Deck, he had taken his last breath while keeping his eyes locked with mine as the angels came and took his soul away from me.
And all of that happened on my eighteenth birthday.
And for the last two years, that was something I didn’t celebrate.
Tightening the pillow around my ears, I shook my head, knowing that I wasn’t going to sleep and be worth a damn for work tomorrow, well, later on today. With that, I let out a growl and released his pillow.
Angrily, I tossed the covers back, got out of bed, headed to the bathroom, and got ready for work.
Even though I was blessed to be able to work from home, I was brought up on the basis that once you woke up, you got dressed to start your day.
There was no reason to lounge around in your pajamas. Something about being ready to face the day prepared you for everything that lay ahead so you could verbally kick ass and take names.
I kept a bag here for when I spent the night with Deck because he told me to. And like the fool I was, I kept nodding my head and agreeing to it.
