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“Oh, God,” I finally breathed quietly. “I’m so sorry, Fia.”
“It’s my fault, you know,” she remarked roughly. “I did this.”
“Fia,that’s not true-”
“No, Kasen,” she bit out, cutting me off. “Itismy fault.”
Not wanting to upset her more than she already was, I asked, “Why do you say that?”
“Because instead of doing the right thing and putting this baby first, I continued to throw a tantrum, refusing to eat or take care of myself.” I had no idea what to say to that. “Instead of taking care of the only piece of Mano that I had left, I acted like a spoiled fucking brat, angry at everyone and everything." Tears started forming in her eyes. “I threw a fit, determined to punish everyone for my problems, and it cost me my child.”
“Fia-”
“Please don’t, Kasen,” she choked out. “Please don’t tell me how this isn’t my fault, or how God has a plan that I need to trust.”
“I’m sorry,” I muttered, still unsure what to say.
Fia let outa shaky breath. “You know, I’ve always been jealous of you,” she finally admitted. “The way that Papa loved you was unfair.” She let out another sigh. “And, yeah, Mammi made me her favorite, which wasn’t exactly fair to you, either. Still, you know what?”
“What?”I asked quietly.
“Nothing had me hating you as much as I did when Mano had confessed to me about Nero paying him to seduce me, so that he could get out of the betrothal contract to marry you.”
My head jerked at that. “He told you?”
Fia nodded. “I had just finished telling him that I was pregnant, and I guess he couldn’t take it anymore. He had confessed to falling in love with me, and his conscience wouldn’t allow him to marry me without telling me the truth.” A solitary tear fell, but she quickly brushed it away. “He hadn’t planned on falling in love with me, but he did. Despite how it had all come to be, we were in love, Kasen.” She started wringing her hands together in her lap. “I loved him.”
“I’m so sorry, Fia,” I said, and found that I really meant it. It was obvious that she did love Mano.
“Anyway, when Mano told me how Nero had done the unthinkable just to be able to marry you, all I saw was another important man in my life picking you over me. First, our father, and then the man that I was supposed to have married. I’d been so damn jealous of you.”
“Why are you telling me all this, Fia?”
“Because I’m a horrible person, and I don’t want to be thatway anymore,” she sobbed quietly. “Because my spoiled, selfish, inconsiderate ways cost me my child and the man that I loved, and I don’t want to be that person anymore.” Her blue eyes glowed with her rueful tears. “You have a husband that went against everything that he knew was right just to have you, and I want to be that worthy one day.”
“Fia, I am not anything special-
“That’s where you’re wrong, Kasen,” she argued. “If you weren’t special, you never would have been clever enough to force Papa’s hand about becoming a lawyer. Even at a young age, you’d been born for this life.” Fia shrugged. “I guess no one knew just how much until Nero noticed it.”
While Fia had her faults, I also had a few of my own. “Well, I’m sorry that I didn’t do more to be the sister that you needed growing up. Even though I’m four years older than you are, I still could have put in more effort into being a better big sister. It just…it seemed easier to just let you be Mammi’s favorite, and I felt comfortable being Papa’s favorite.”
“Can I ask you something?” sheasked softly.
“Of course.”
“Are you happy with Nero?”
I wanted to tell her the truth. I wanted to admit that I wasn’t, but the answer wasn’t that simple. With everything that had happened, and with everything that was still going on, I hadn’t had any time to try my hand at some genuine happiness with him. Even with all that Nero made me feel in the bedroom, that wasn’t happiness; that was passion, lust. The truth of the matter was that I was confused. I was terribly confused about how I felt right now, and while I feared that I might be just a little in love with my husband, love and happiness were two very different things.
So, instead of trying to articulate my jumbled feelings into words, I said, “At the end of it all, itwas still an arranged marriage, Fia. Two weeks isn’t nearly enough to find happiness just yet. I’m still trying to balance my career with being married to the Sartori Underboss.”
After a quiet moment between us, Fia finally said, “I’m sorry, Kasen. I’m sorry for everything.”
“So amI,” I replied. “Nevertheless, how about we work on being better sisters, instead of wallowing in the apologies.”
My sister smiled softly at that. “I’d like that very much.”
Chapter 39
