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“Jones and Shane have been friends a long time,” Carrie said. “And from some of the stories I’ve heard, I can tell you that I think Shane cares too much. He was loyal to his country and to the other men he worked with. Then his wife died and he was left questioning everything he’d stood for his whole life. Everything he’d always believed in. You can’t blame a man for his past. We all have things we’ve done that are better left forgotten. It’s the future that counts.”
“Yeah, well I don’t think we have much of a future,” Rachel said.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Carrie said with genuine surprise. “That man is completely in love with you. I mean over the moon in love. Open your eyes.”
“I think you’re wrong. We’ve only known each other a short time, and it’s been under high stress.”
“Jones said the two of you have been neighbors for months,” Carrie said, brushing away her concern. “I bet you each know each other better than you think you do. You can’t tell me you never noticed a man like Shane. Maybe paid a little closer attention to when he was home or away. Noticed who he hung out with or what he ordered for takeout.”
Rachel felt the heat rise to her cheeks. “He’s the kind of man who’s hard not to notice. But that’s a long way from love. We all think we know what love is. You and Jones think you’re in love. But real love comes after the commitment. Real love develops over time. It’s hold one another when you cry through a disappointment or the death of a loved one. It’s worrying about careers and life choices that will affect the both of you. It’s lying next to them on the cold bathroom floor because they’re sick and you don’t want to leave them alone. Real love is never in an instant. It’s grown. And Shane has already had that with someone. I’ve already come to terms with him never being able to have that kind of life with me. He’s still in love with his wife, and he still blames himself for her death. How can I compete with a ghost?”
“Wow,” Carrie said, clearing her throat of emotion. “It sounds to me like you know him better than you think you do. And that the love is already starting to grow. How many days did you lie next to him and take care of him? He owes you his life. And from what I understand, Shane has been nothing more than a machine the last two years, not caring whether he lived or died. He’s just been one job after the next, cutting himself off from anyone who cared about him. But the man I just saw in the kitchen didn’t look like a machine to me. The way he looked at you was all man. All I’m saying is maybe don’t give up on him too soon.”
Rachel ran her fingers through her hair and massaged the back of her neck to relieve the tension. She’d never made excuses for her family. She couldn’t control whom she’d been born to. She couldn’t stop the actions of her father or anyone else. Her mother had drummed into her at an early age that she was to look straight ahead and focus on her own life and goals. To not pay attention to the media or the whisperings of the people around her.
She’d gotten used to bodyguards and armed foot soldiers throughout her childhood and into college. And she’d always known the danger that went along with having the name Valentine. It wasn’t uncommon for family members to turn up dead or to end up in prison. It was just part of life. Maybe not a normal life, but it was her life.
But she realized as she’d forged her own path and ignored the messy parts of life that it had been a long time since she’d held on to hope. It was one thing to live your life, day to day and year to year, just breathing and going through the motions. It was another thing to see the ember of hope flicker to life that reminded her she’d once dreamed of having a family and living set apart from the notoriety of her family. And when she’d met Shane, that hope had spurred to life. She could see them living a life together that had nothing to do with their pasts.
Rachel got up from the bed and gave Carrie a light hug. “I appreciate you following me in here. I guess I did need to talk about it. I hadn’t realized how long I’ve lived with fear. I love my father, but I can’t help but be angry at the life he chose. I remember being afraid as a child, seeing men with guns or having them surround us and rush us all into a building. I hadn’t realized I’d become numb to it until my mother was killed.”
“It’s okay to love your father and hate what he did,” Carrie said. “It wasn’t fair to put you in that position as a child. Or to watch those you love die.”
Rachel nodded. “And then my sister was killed and the grief was so much I couldn’t feel my heart beat. Maybe I’ve been a machine too over the last couple of years, just functioning enough to get by. Because if I just function I don’t think about the fear. I’ve never been scared to die. I haven’t really thought much about it. But I don’t want to lose anyone else I care about, and I care about Shane. It’s strange to feel like you’ve known someone your whole life when you’ve just met.”
“Yeah, well, Jones and I met during a very heated and high-profile serial killer case. We had the guy hunted down within the first forty-eight hours and we were naked and sweaty by the forty-ninth. We were engaged by the seventy-two-hour mark. When you know, you know. Time is relative.”
Rachel laughed at her confidence. “Maybe. We’ll see.”
“I wanted to tell you we’re going to have to leave you soon,” Carrie said. “I’ve got a meeting with my unit later this afternoon that I can’t miss, but we’ll be back. I’m sure Jones and Shane have thought of a plan during their male bonding time out there.”
There was a knock at the door and Jones stuck his head in. “Y’all good here?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Carrie said. “I think so.”
Rachel nodded. “I’m good. Thank you both for your help. Shane’s lucky to have friends like you.”
“I won’t argue with that,” Jones said, winking. “We’ve got to get going. Duty calls.”
Shane and Jones walked the perimeter and made sure they were clear to leave, while Carrie stayed with her locked inside. After they’d gone, she and Shane were left alone once again. The silence between them lay heavy, and Rachel wasn’t sure what she should do next. She twisted her fingers together and finally brought her gaze to Shane’s. He stared at her with a mixture of emotions she couldn’t interpret. Emotions she didn’t want to interpret.
“We need to talk,” he said.
She nodded her head silently and dreaded whatever was to come.
ChapterTwelve
“What’s wrong?” Rachel asked.
“Maybe we should sit down first,” Shane said, reaching for her hand so he could lead her to the small couch in the living room.
“I’m not a child,” she said. “Whatever it is, I can take it.”
Shane didn’t know where to begin. It seemed like ever since he’d first crossed Rachel’s path he’d brought her nothing but heartache and worry.
“Is it my father? Did they find his body?” she finally asked, her voice soft.
Despite her protests he was able to pull her down on the sofa next to him, and he put his arm around her, holding her close. The news wouldn’t be any easier the longer he waited. It would be best to tell her straight out.
