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“It’s all fucked up, Em. That’s all I know.”
“Well, we have to wait for the diagnosis, and then take the necessary steps… It’s not like it’s zero percent, if you look at it that way.”
“You sound like my Mom, all calm and collected and fucking positive. Why can’t any of you women just throw your hands in the air and scream?”
“Would that make you feel better?”
“Maybe it would.” He moves the bottle up to his mouth, but I hold him by the wrist.
“Taylor… don’t. This isn’t you, especially when you have a game tomorrow.”
“I’m not thinking about the game right now, Emmerson.”
At least he puts the bottle down, but not before he gets out of the car still holding it. I jump out too and round the hood to face him.
“How did everything get so fucking complicated?” He sighs.
“I don’t know,” I say honestly. “But we all have to be strong for your Mom. That's what’s going to get her through everything.”
He walks toward the lake as I follow him tentatively. “I don’t care about the game, Em. Not anymore.”
I stare at his back. “What?”
He takes another guzzle, and then actually hurls the bottle in the air as it flies into the lake. “Yeah, you know, it’s like you said everything ends badly, right?”
“What? When did I say that?”
“Somebody said it,” he mutters. “Maybe it was some other girl, I don’t know.”
I swallow. “You don’t mean that.”
He turns to look at me. “Maybe I do mean it.”
I give him a look.
“You know, you really shouldn’t be here when I’m like this, in this state.”
“I wanted to be here.”
“I’m not in a good place, Em. You must all think it’s fucking perfect for someone like me in my own world of playing the game I love, travelling, puck bunnies…He has it all, isn’t that the headlines? I’m not sure if you saw I had to pay those guys the night we had dinner to not take photos of you and have you dragged all over the news.”
I keep staring at him. “What?”
“Yeah, this is how it is. This is the life you’d have with me while I’m still playing, and God knows how long that would even be for. My body feels like it’s falling apart half of the time.”
My mouth opens, but no words form in response. “Taylor, it doesn’t matter, none of that does.”
“Love can conquer all, huh?” He tilts his head on the side as he looks from the lake back to me. “It didn’t work out too well for us the first time, so what do you think our chances are now?”
It doesn’t even sound like a question, but I try to not get roped into what he’s saying. I know that he’s not in the right headspace at the moment for this conversation.
“We’re different now, Taylor. You said that yourself.”
“We’re the same people, Em. People rarely change…”
“I don’t believe that.” I shake my head, and reach for his hand. He looks down at it and lifts his gaze to mine. “Some things do, some things don’t.”
“It’s easy for you to say that when you’re the fucking saint in all of this.”
