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“I don’t know what I want yet, Em. I haven’t had chance to process things yet.”
I want her. I just can’t afford to get fucking hurt again. And I’ve been way too vulnerable around her, way too fast. I don’t know why it’s taken me till now to realize that.
“Didn’t we both say we still had feelings for each other?” she says.
“It’s a given.” I shrug, stroking her hair. “I just don’t know what to do with it.”
She seems surprised as she sits up.
“Em… I’m just processing all this, and I’m sure you are too, so let’s just take a beat.”
“A beat? I’ve been taking a beat my whole goddamn life, Taylor.”
“We should discuss this after the finals,” I say quietly.
“In two weeks?” She scoffs. “You have to be joking.”
“I’m not trying to be a dick. I appreciate what you did last night, but I think I just need to get these games out of the way before I jump into anything else.”
She sits upright and pulls the covers back.
Fuck. I sound like a jerk.
“Em… you don’t have to leave.”
“It’s okay, Taylor. I understand what you’re saying.”
I want to tell her I love her, pull her back in, and beg her to stay with me.
I want to make love all over her, and more. I want to give her so much more.
But I say none of those things.
It’s like I’ve had a hit to the head or something.
“I think I should go.”
“Look… I can make us coffee…”
She shakes her head. “I really would like to go home.”
“I’ll drive you.”
“I’ll grab an uber.”
I sit up now, knowing I’ve upset her. “Em, this isn’t finished with. I want to talk about this.”
“Just not now,” she confirms.
I run my hand through my hair. I’m on the brink of either letting her go, or pulling her back in. I fucking don’t know which to do. Conflicted doesn’t even cut it.
“I’ll take your silence to mean yes,” she says, standing up.
I open my mouth to protest, but it’s too fucking late.
“Take the time you need, Taylor. I understand.”
Her tone is clipped, understandably. I’ve just pulled the rug out from under her.
