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I wake up in a hot sweat, my heart racing a million miles an hour. I bolt upright and take a few breaths trying to calm myself. Whilst my body shivers, I feel burning hot, like I might burst into flames.
I know what it is, and I’m not coming down with something. It’s also not the afterglow of just winning the Stanley Cup Finals a few days ago… oh no.
This always happens when I see my father.
I saw him today, and he wasn’t happy with me.
He’s never happy with me, so I shouldn’t be surprised. My whole life around him has been one up and down roller-coaster ride.
He’s a difficult man, and seems to have grown more difficult later in life.
My parents split when I was young, their divorce was very difficult.
The custody arrangements favored my father to look after me primarily, as my mother cared for my younger sister who was born with a mobility impairment. The court more or less stated she had enough on her plate. So I went back and forth, seeing my mom on school breaks, as per the custody arrangements.
Moving from Florida to Seattle where my dad’s moved his business to wasn’t exactly what I had in mind as a kid. I wanted to stay in Florida, but I didn’t want to make things harder for my mom, or make waves for her. So no matter how unwillingly, I went with him.
I don’t know why my father even bothered having children.
It has always appeared that me and Kate have been an unwelcome and unwanted distraction from making his millions. Though I know he wants me here so I can follow in his footsteps one day and look after things when he retires.
It makes no sense to me because I’ve never shown any interest in doing any such thing.
I have no intention, or interest in, being a businessman.
One would think me making it big in my own right as one of the best defensemen in the NHL for the Seattle Hawks would grab his attention by the horns and shake him senseless. But, he’s never been impressed with me ‘waving my hockey stick around’.
It’s one reason I’ve been urging my best friend, and fellow Hawks teammate, Taylor James, to try to patch things up with his dad. Michael James has been to every game he ever played growing up, the only professional games he hasn’t been to are some of the away ones. Every time the Hawks are at home, he’s there in the stands.
Taylor’s parents separated when he was young too, and his dad has been trying to have a relationship with him ever since. Finally, just recently, they reunited and things are going well.
I wish I had that. More than anything. But I know I never will.
My mom is an angel. I swear to god she was sent down from heaven.
She was born in Hawaii and came over to America when she was in college and met my father. They married pretty young and had me soon after, my sister Kate followed a few years later. I don’t know if it was her disability that set things off, because it was difficult for them at the start, but I don’t have any memories of him being a loving, devoted father, or husband for that matter. If my dad hadn’t decided he wanted a divorce one day, I’m not sure mom would have ever left.
It broke her heart when I had to leave and go live with him for most of the year. Neither of us could understand it, because he wasn’t the doting dad.
I honestly think he just wanted to try and train me up for the future to work with him, pass on his legacy or some shit. Or maybe it was just to take me away from my mom and sister. Maybe a little of both.
He knew how much my mom doted on me… maybe he wanted to hurt her even more by taking me away.
I kept my love of hockey a secret from him for as long as I could, training when I was supposed to be at my friends house studying. I made all kinds of inventive excuses when I was younger.
He wasn’t happy about putting me through college, only for me to end up skating around an ice rink hitting a puck around. There’s no way he saw it coming that I wanted this for a career.
And by the time he did, it was much too late.
Ice Hockey has been my love from very early on. I always loved watching the games on TV.
I also loved going down to the indoor skating rink as a kid. I have the fondest memories of mom teaching me how to stand up on the ice, and eventually skate. I guess it’s because of her I can even be on the ice at all.
She’s always had my back with anything and everything I’ve wanted to do in life.
That’s what I love about her the most. She was entirely selfless growing up.
Devoting herself to mine and Kate’s upbringing.
