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“Gillian… you don’t need to…”
“Yes, Emmerson, I do have to. I was so hellbent on Taylor making it big, it didn’t matter to me who got in his way, or who I saw as a threat.”
“You saw me as a threat?” I all but whisper.
She nods. “You were the love of his life. What bigger distraction could he have than that?” Her eyes flick to mine. “And in some respects, talking you into leaving Taylor is the biggest regret of my life.”
I look up at her, stunned. I think my mouth even falls open. “Why?” I ask her, because now I really need to know, and why this has all come out now. Maybe she’s having some kind of mid-life crisis and is trying to put right all of her wrongs or something. She looks really torn up about it.
“Because Taylor has never been truly happy since,” she says quite simply, holding her cup to her lips and taking a sip. “That’s the truth of it, Emmerson.” She shrugs like it’s as simple as that.
“He hasn’t been happy?” I ask, definitely a little confused.
“I don’t believe so,” she says quite honestly.
I wonder then what Taylor would make of all of this talking about him.
“But he’s with his beloved Hawks now. It’s all he ever wanted.”
“That’s not all he ever wanted,” she says, shaking her head. “And I feel responsible for that in a large way. You kids were young, and I didn’t know how it was going to go… Taylor had worked so hard. I just didn’t want to see you kids get hurt in the long run, and granted, I wanted Taylor to thrive. I didn’t think he could do it all and still be with you.”
I swallow again, raising my cup to my lips and taking a shaky sip. We’ve never talked like this in the whole time I’ve known her. Never.
It’s always been polite and on the surface stuff, but we’ve never truly had a heart to heart.
“I know you must think I’m a terrible person, Emmerson. But I only did what I thought was the right thing for him.”
“A part of me knows that,” I say quietly. “It does, Gillian. You wanted what was best for your son.”
“And crushed you both in the process.”
“He seems okay,” I say, “Doesn’t he?” Of course neither of them know anything about my pain, as I keep that buried way down inside.
She sighs and leans back against the cabinets. I don’t know why she doesn’t sit down, but it seems she can't keep still. “He has all the success and money in the world, yes. So, to that degree, I suppose he doesn’t have to worry financially, and that’s one less burden taken care of. But I’ve never seen him truly shine, Emmerson, not like he did the other night when you were at the game.”
Shit, she was there?
“He thinks I don’t notice these things,” she goes on. “I don’t think he’s truly happy in himself, and I just wanted to take the time while you’re in town to apologize for that. I know it can’t have been easy moving away so suddenly.”
“It wasn’t,” I whisper. My voice is barely audible as I think back. “It took everything I had, and I hated it, I hated being without him. But I wanted to let him live his life.”
“Because of me,” she finishes. “I made you do it, Emmerson… I’m so sorry!”
She rounds the counter then toward me with her arms open and pulls me into an embrace. I’m taken back, to say the least, but we hug, because I believe she is genuinely sorry. She pulls back to look at me, as tears form in her eyes and roll down her cheeks. “Mrs. James, please don’t cry.”
“Gillian,” she reminds me, wiping her eyes. “I never meant to hurt you, Em.”
“I appreciate that,” I whisper, squeezing her hands and feeling tears form in my eyes too.
I definitely wasn’t expecting this. “It’s all right.”
“It’s really not all right, but thank you,” she says. “It’s been plaguing me for years.”
She’s not the only one. But somehow it feels good for it to be out in the open.
“Can I top up your tea?” she asks me after a moment, wiping her eyes.
“Thank you.” I nod. I’m too shell-shocked to even move at this point.
