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“Because they’re more understanding? Do you think I couldn’t be understanding?”
Mom sighs. “Taylor, don’t be difficult.”
I feel like smashing something. Maybe I need to go and shoot some pucks back at the ice rink and let out some frustration.
“I’m not being difficult. I just think this is a major thing in your life. Is this why you’ve been urging me to talk to Dad these past few months?”
She sighs again, and I know it’s true.
“Mom… are we expecting bad news here?” I’ve no idea about any kind of cancer, much less brain cancer… but I know it doesn’t sound good.
“I don’t have a diagnosis, so let’s just see what it brings after my tests.”
I let out a breath.
“When you have something like this going on, Taylor, that could be bad news, you can’t help but reassess things and the decisions you’ve made in life. I haven’t been the best person, even though you might think I have.”
“What do you mean, you’ve given me everything. Growing up, you were the one there for me.”
She looks up at me, still seated at the counter. She looks different than usual, more resigned, softer. I’ve never seen her so open like this.
“Taylor, I haven’t always done the right things. I pushed your father out. That’s the truth of it.”
“You had a pretty big fucking reason!”
“Language, honey.”
I grunt.
“I wasn’t the best wife when you were little. I was so focused on my career, while trying to raise you at the same time. There was hardly anything left for Michael.”
I swallow. Yup, never heard her talk like this, or even say his name.
“It’s no reason for him to cheat, I don’t know how anyone could do that to you.”
“Always defending me.” She shakes her head sadly.
“Of course, Mom. You were the one there for me. Granted, Dad has tried over the years, but I didn’t want to know after what he did to you.”
“And that’s partly my fault. I wouldn’t let him in, Taylor. There’s so much you don’t know.”
I stare at her. “And you’re choosing to tell me now because?”
“Because I want things out in the open. I’m not the perfect mother you might think I am, and you only have one life to set things right.”
I run a hand over my face wearily. “You’re saying that because you’re worried about these tests, aren’t you, Mom?”
“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t.”
I walk over to my mom and embrace her. I know this must be hard enough without me breathing down her neck about it, but it’s all sounding a little scary from my viewpoint. I don’t even want to think about the what ifs.
“What are we going to do?” I ask. I wish I had the answers for her, but I have nothing from where I’m standing right now. All the money and assets in the world aren’t going to get us out of this. It will pay for whatever treatment she needs, but it can’t buy her wellness, so to speak.
“We’ll work it out as things are happening,” Mom says with an affirmative nod as I step back to look at her. I know she’s holding it in, putting on a brave face. “That’s all we can do.”
A part of my brain tells me there’s no point stressing if we don’t know anything yet, but another part is shit scared. I don’t know which one to go with, so I float in the middle somewhere until the news dies down. It’s not something I can just cast aside, though.
What if the results aren’t good?
