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Julie on the floor. Blood. So much blood. Her begging me to save her. To save…them.
I could do nothing but sit against the cold hard wall and wish myself away. Moving was torture and standing up required strength I no longer had.
Lying down hurt too. And the longer I sat, the more I had to fight the urge to bang my head against the wall and crack my fucking skull open.
Warmth enveloped me, despite the cold damp air, and a deep throbbing somewhere inside my shoulder warned me of theworsethat was yet to come.
Despite my best effort to stay alert, I found myself collapsed on the floor. Each time I picked myself up and suffered through the pain of having the shoulder jolted.
Mr. X was there to cheer me on, promising it wasn’t long now. I barely heard him above the thunder of my pulse. It was fast. Shallow. My heart beating quick and hard as the world drifted in and out of reality.
Julie was there, making me relive her death over and over as if taunting me with my uselessness. I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t even save myself. When her dying face morphed into Kaylie’s, I broke. With the shields torn wide open, I couldn’t hide from my feelings. My mind fed me image after image of her ocean blue eyes lifeless and empty until I had to face the truth. I fucking loved her. It didn’t matter that it was too soon. That she was too young. It didn’t even matter that I’d sworn off love, and everything it stood for. She brought it all back, and I tried to resist, to keep my cold heart cold. It never worked. She was right there, ingrained in everything I was. Everything I hated.
A sharp sound echoed across the room, jerking me back to reality, only to plunge me into another nightmare just as fast.
Julie stood before me, blood pooling from her abdomen, and for a few seconds all I could think of was the baby inside.
“Marc,” she whimpered.
I sprung forward the moment she collapsed, catching her and lowered her to the floor. I called 911 in a shocked haze while trying to stop her bleeding with my hands.
“The baby,” she whispered. “Save her. Save her, Marc, please save our baby.”
Another sharp sound tore me out of the memory back to the cold room. My body shook each time Mr. X hit the iron rod again the bars.
One more rap, and I screamed.
I paced back and forth across the soft white carpet in my room. Without the lethargy that kept me asleep most of the day, I didn’t know what to do with myself. The mental fog I used to carry with me kept me from any kind of over-stimuli. I was in a constant haze. No energy to worry too much. Or even care at all.
The only time I was pushed out of that comfort zone was when I was with Marc. He did things to me, made me feel more alive inside than I ever did.
Now, in his, and the meds’ absence, I felt too much. Everything he brought alive lingered, intensified with fear and despair that ate away at my soul. My whole world was crushed. Everything I believed in was a lie. But despite the need to curl up and cry, something kept me from doing it. A little flame burning hot inside, keeping the soul-sucking darkness away. Keeping me going even when I didn’t know what I was fighting for.
I had a life. A future. For the first time I could look forward, and what awaited, made me want to hide under the blanket. I’d been convinced I was heading down a dead-end road. That one day I’d run out of space and time. I’d learnt to accept it, to find comfort in it. It was known. Safe. No surprises. No nothing.
Now that roadblock was removed and there were endless connections ahead, and yet, I was forced down the only road I knew for a fact I never wanted to travel.
My whole body hummed with energy, and when I finally felt strong enough to walk. To run. I had nowhere to go.
The walls of this house were my new prison. I had everything I needed, but what I wanted was out of reach.
A knock on my door made me stop in my tracks, and swirl to stare at it. “Who is it?”
“Alex.”
I sprung to the door and yanked it open. “I’m not doing anything for you!” I snapped before he had time to open his mouth. “You can forget me being your—”
“You will.” He brushed past me and slammed the door. I winced at the sound, and just as I was about to go on, he held up a phone. “Shut up and look at this.” He tapped the screen a few times, and I clamped my mouth shut and waited with a growing sense of dread tightening my belly into a knot.
“You will do exactly as I say.” He turned the screen so I could see, and I couldn’t stop the gasp.
“He’s alive,” I whispered, staring at the muted clips of recorded frames showing Marc, locked up, and miserable.
Alex swiped and another clip came on.
Mr. X with a gun. Marc shouting at him from behind the bars. Marc staggering. A red spot appearing in his shoulder. Blood. More blood. It never stopped. He fell against the wall, and I shrieked.No!Please no.Tearing my eyes off the screen, I stared at Alex. “I’ll do anything. Just get him out of there.”
A satisfied grin spread across Alex’s lips. “I was hoping you’d say that.” He swiped a few more times, and the clips that came on next broke my heart.
