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‘As long as I can afford the rent.’
Four weeks later and she had unpacked her baking supplies into the kitchen cupboards, arranged her books onto the narrow shelves, and squeezed all hers and Hope’s clothes into the wardrobes, while Hope lay on her back, kicking and flapping her hands at the toys hanging on the playmat. Now, that all felt like a lifetime ago and a lot had changed in those few short months. For starters, it was a lot harder to keep Hope on the playmat, and the previously sleek clean surfaces were now covered in everything from dirty muslin cloths to bowls with half-dried baby food, the latter of which Holly knew she needed to wash-up, although at that moment, they were miles from her mind.
She had barely reached the kitchen and flicked on the kettle when the front door opened. Her mother stepped into the house, coat on and bag over her shoulder, although rather than immediately grabbing Hope like she normally did, she stopped dead in the middle of the living area and stared straight at Holly.
‘Why aren’t you dressed yet? And where are all your bags? You’re leaving for the airport in an hour.’
With a deep inhale, Holly looked from her daughter to her mother and back again.
‘I’m not going.’ She folded her arms as she spoke. ‘I was thinking about it all night. I’m not going.’
‘Like hell you’re not,’ her mother replied. ‘Now get your bags sorted. You need to pack. Fast.’
2
Holly was panicking. A lot.
‘Have you got the baby monitor? I can’t find it.’ She lifted the massive bag on her bed, tossing aside various babygrows and cuddly toys. ‘I had the charger a minute ago. I know I did. It must be here somewhere.’ Giving up looking on the bed, she turned to her bag, pulling out dresses and underwear which had been meticulously packed only an hour before. ‘Where the hell is it?’
‘Doesn’t Ben have his own baby monitor?’
Having fixed them both strong cups of coffee, her mother was now upstairs in the bedroom, sitting in the corner of the room in a wing-backed chair, bouncing Hope on her knee. Hope, who, in just three hours’ time, Holly was leaving for four days. Four whole days and nights she was going to be parted from her baby and it was turning her into a wreck.
‘What does Ben do when he stays at hers during the week? Doesn’t he have his own baby monitor then?’
With several tops still crumpled in her hand, Holly paused. Yes, Ben had his own baby monitor. He had his own cot and bouncing chair and bottle steriliser and every other item of paraphernalia that went with having a baby. That had been a downside to co-parenting: the need for two sets of everything and the cost of it all. She was still mid thought when she saw the glint of a glass screen behind the lamp on the bedside table.
‘There it is.’ She reached over and grabbed it. ‘I’ll put it in, just in case his stops working.’
While she packed the baby monitor, along with a new set of pyjamas and several spare nappies, her mother stood up and placed Hope in the wooden cot. Then she crossed the room, slipped her hand down to the bag, and took the monitor back out again.
‘You need to stop worrying. Ben has had Hope hundreds of times before now. In fact, he’s had her almost as much as you.’
‘But never for so long. And never when I’ve been in a different country.’
‘He’ll be just fine. You’re panicking. It’s like when you moved out of Jamie’s and you thought everything was going to fall apart because you were further away from Ben’s – a three-minute walk! And look at how well everything has turned out.’
It was difficult to deny. The move might have been the right decision, but that didn’t mean Holly hadn’t been a wreck about it. She’d timed the walk between the new cottage and Ben’s place at a leisurely stroll, a moderate pace, and then an out-and-out sprint before finally signing the contract.
‘You’re right.’ Abandoning the packing, Holly bent down and picked up Hope. ‘You’re right. Ben will be completely fine. He’s always completely fine. Me, on the other hand…’
‘You’re going to have a lovely time.’
‘Four nights, Mum. In another country. And I’ve got to fly to get there. I don’t think planes and I are a good mix.’
‘This is a chance for you to switch off and relax.’ Her mother skilfully ignored Holly’s anxiety. ‘Have fun.’
Holly hummed. Wasn’t the whole thing about becoming a parent that you could never switch off again? And the same could be said for running her own business.
‘I meant to ask.’ Her mother turned away before she spoke. ‘Have you heard from Giles recently?’
With a sudden surge in heart rate, Holly stopped what she was doing and stared at her mother’s back.
‘Why would I have heard from Giles?’
‘Oh, no reason, really. I just didn’t know if you had. You know, now that Ben and you have properly broken up.’
With a purse of her lips, Holly tried to keep her voice as level as she could.
