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The woman staring at her reflection is nothing like me. I lost her somewhere between stepping into this house and pulling on this veil. My heart is fluttering, my stomach churning, and I am struggling to breathe. I thought I had it all figured out. Now I’m not so sure.
That movie.
I have never seen anything like it. It opened up a world to me that I never knew existed. In some ways, it was my world. In others, it was far removed from it. I felt an empathy with the woman in it, but unlike her, I don’t imagine my story will have the same ending.
“You look so beautiful, Purity.”
Serena’s eyes are sparkling with happy tears, and I whisper, “Thank you. I couldn’t have done this without you.”
I’m not lying either. She is a miracle worker because the face she painted like a masterpiece is surely not my own.
I am beautiful.
I could stare at her art all day long and it brings tears to my eyes when I see the woman I wanted to be so badly staring right back at me.
My hair has been lifted from my shoulders and piled intricately on top of my head, a diamond tiara securing it in place. The diamond choker rests against my throat, which is the only jewelry I wear. White satin heels are strangely comfortable and the fancy lingerie I’m wearing is luxurious to the touch. I even smell amazing, courtesy of the expensive bottle of scent Serena almost emptied on to my skin.
We make our ways downstairs and out into the brilliant sunshine and it’s as if I’m having an out-of-body experience. This is my wedding day. It’s here now and as one of the guards thrusts a bouquet at me, I smile my thanks with a trembling lip.
Serena walks in front, a vision in scarlet that contrasts with her jet-black hair. Snow White and Rose Red were her words, causing her to tell me of two sisters in a fairy story. I realize that as a result of marrying Killian, I am gaining an instant family, which once again reminds me of how lucky I am.
They are so kind, so gentle and yet… That movie has shaken me and what I wanted is fading away as a memory and being replaced with something else entirely.
The music serenades me as I walk down the red carpet and I stare at the ocean twinkling in the distance.
I don’t register the guests. They are strangers and yet I have no desire to see any faces from my past. My own family, even. They are now of no concern to me but—that movie is playing on repeat inside my mind.
Then I see him when Serena steps to one side and my heart flutters and my breath hitches because of him. His dark, devilish looks and his heated gaze draw me to his side as if I no longer have control of my body. I notice a man standing beside him who is the image of him and realize it must be his brother – I think his name is Shade. They are an interesting family for sure and I’m uncertain if I should be here at all.
As I draw near, Serena accepts the flowers from me and takes a seat beside her grandmother, and as Killian steps forward, he reaches for my hand.
The approval in his eyes makes me weak with longing because he is everything I want in life, but that movie has conflicted my thoughts.
We turn as the priest begins to speak and as Killian rubs his thumb over my hand, I struggle to breathe. I listen to the words but don’t really register them at all because my mind is filled with images of a very different outcome to life.
I am told to repeat the words the priest says first, and I do so with a soft, faltering voice. Then he says the words that make me freeze.
“Do you promise to love, honor and obey?”
I falter and he repeats the words and I stare into Killian’s eyes with a stricken expression. He says them again and I open my mouth, but nothing comes out and Killian leans forward and whispers, “Is something wrong? Just breathe, Purity, this will be over soon.”
“But…” The tears fill my eyes as my voice deserts me and Killian appears angry as he whispers, “Just say the god-damned words, Purity.”
“I can’t.” A lone tear spills down my cheek as I whisper, “I can’t lie.”
He appears confused and holds up his hand to stop the priest and pulls me away to the side, out of earshot of the waiting audience.
He stares into my eyes with a deepening anger. “What would you be lying about?”
He appears confused and I say with a sob. “I can honor and obey, but how can I say I will love you, Killian?”
“What?” He appears stunned and I say miserably.
“Gina told me not to fall in love with you. I didn’t understand what that meant and then nonna asked me if I loved you. I told her no and said the same thing to Serena. I don’t love you, Killian. Not like the woman in the movie. Not like them. Our marriage contract would be over before it began.”
He stares at me as if I’m speaking in riddles and I notice something shift in his eyes. It’s almost unbearable to watch as he shuts down before me. He appears to take a deep breath before he whispers, “What that means is you will love, honor and obey me during our marriage. You will learn to love me under the protection of the contract. It will grow in time, even if it’s not there in the beginning.”
“What if it doesn’t—grow, I mean?”
