AllFreeNovel
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She sighs as her eyes flit between mine, the oxygen between us thin, the apartment shrinking. “Somehow, I believe that, Cohen.”
“I hope you do.” I take her hand, and lead us back to the wall where she sat, and we sit adjacent to each other in the corner of the room, our backs to the walls. Her bare feet graze mine, and she does it over and over, dragging the ball of her foot along mine, and it’s so private and tender. But she talks as if the gentle movement isn’t a big deal to her, so I ignore the clutching in my chest reminding me how good it feels to have this type of casual intimacy.
Reminding me how much I’ve missed it.
“So tell me about Michigan,” she says, wrapping the end of her hair around her finger, smiling at me. I like that she came over here in sweats with no makeup.
But I’m not ready to talk about Michigan, so I give the question a wide berth. “I grew up there, lived there my whole life, but needed a change of scenery and… well, needed a fresh start.”
“I get that,” she comments.
“I came out here, met Aug—”
She interrupts, so interested in soaking me up that she can’t wait. My cheeks tingle a little. “Where and how did you meet Aug? I feel like everyone has a crazy story about meeting Aug.”
I smile. “Do you?”
She untwirls her hair, tucking it behind her ears on both sides at once, leaning forward, her foot still grazing mine. “Yes, definitely. And when I retell it, it kind of sounds like a movie or something.” Her gaze snaps to her foot stroking mine, as if she’s only just now realized, and she stops, crossing her ankles, moving her foot away from mine. “Sorry,” she says quietly.
Leaning over my lap, I reach out and take her by the ankle, gently replacing her foot where it was. “That was soothing to you,” I tell her, because clearly it was. “And I liked it, too.” I have to work to ignore the buzz in my cock when she again drags her foot along mine. Gooseflesh rises up my legs beneath my sweats, but I keep my eyes focused on her, not on all the new things she’s making me feel.
“Well, I was in spin class and he came in. He asked if I’d go next door with him to get coffee, so I did. He told me he was aware I was working at Jizzabelle, aware that I was in a relationship with Pete Bryson, and wanted to know if I’d be willing to come to Crave under an entirely different structure and system. One where adult films are safe, and the production company is family.” She shakes her head, her vision unfocused as she relives it. “I laughed at him. I didn’t think that was possible. And I also told him to fuck off.”
I’m surprised by that. “What did he say when you told him to fuck off?”
A tiny smile curls her lips. “He put a hand on my shoulder and said, that’s one thing that will be different at Crave. One of many. And I asked what he was talking about and he said, you will be able to trust that people mean what they say. Because everyone at Crave is quality.”
“He’s right.”
Her glazed eyes come to mine. “I know.” She swallows, and her foot grazes mine again. “Anyway, he knew Pete from industry events and apparently, heard from actors that had defected from Jizz that Pete had… gotten worse.”
She drops her hands to the floor, splayed against the carpet around her, as if steadying herself. Pushing off the floor, I take a seat next to her, and place my hand over the top of hers before sliding my bare foot beneath hers.
I want her to know I'm here, and selfishly, I needed our hands to touch again. I needed that subtle connection. She turns her palm up to face mine, and at the same time, we curl our fingers, interlocking our hands.
“You want to be a programmer still?” I ask, remembering how she’d said she dropped out of school.
She nods. “I really do. And I never planned on quitting school but... Pete kept telling me how big I was getting and how much money I was making and… I kept thinking, if I just do it a few more years, I can pay for school outright, you know? And the truth is, I have always been sex positive. Initially, I liked making movies.”
“Initially,” I repeat slowly.
She stares at our linked hands. “The beginnings of things are always good, right?”
I nod. “Relationships, yes, war documentaries, not usually.”
She giggles and smiles up at me, and our heads tip against the wall. Her eyes veer to my Adam’s apple then to my lips before she rolls her head to face forward. “I quickly learned that Pete was the problem, but we were already living together, I still had a year on my contract, and I hadn’t made all the money I needed to go back to school.” She swallows thickly, pain etching her features as she turns to face me. “There were other things I wanted, so I can’t lie and tell you Pete was the sole reason I dropped out. Something happened, and I had some big realizations about what I wanted in life. And he promised it to me, but instead, held it over my head like a fucking carrot to a horse. So yeah, it was bad there and Pete was a complete asshole, but I chose to stay. He never forced me.”
“The contract forced you,” I add, trying to alleviate some of her guilt.
She nods. “Yeah, but that was secondary to other things that happened.”
Other thingsbobs between us, ominous and foreboding. The oak tree outside swishes, and the setting sun dips below the horizon, taking the remaining orange glow with it. She hops to her feet and turns on the light, returning to her spot on the floor next to me.
“People have it wrong, you know?” she muses, in what I hope is a rhetorical question that will lead me to better knowing her. I stay quiet, but link our hands again, more for me than her I think. She curls her fingers into my knuckles as she holds my hand tightly, and I cross at the ankle to divert the buzz running up my legs.
“It’s not the industry. It’s not porn. They’re just… scapegoats.” She twists to face me, blonde hair framing her face. “It’s people. Bad people hurting and taking advantage of other people, plain and simple. Aug asked me if I associate porn with my trauma and my answer was no. Because porn at Crave is beautiful. It wasn’t the act of on-camera sex that traumatized me. It was Pete’s direction, what the actors did. It’speoplethat ruin things, and each other.”
It’speoplethat ruin things, and each other. That sentence echoes through my mind as a hard knock comes down on the apartment door. I jump to my feet and snatch my wallet from the kitchen counter fringing the front door.
