AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Adam! What’s wrong?” A voice echoes my thoughts, but I’m so lost in the blinding sinkhole, it’s akin to hallucination. “Adam.” The voice is followed by a touch, and my head expands as I swing around, throwing the hand away. Stumbling backwards when my eyes lock with hers, I crash in the downturned cot that finally shatters.
“Olivia?” She blurs before me, and it’s hard to tell if she’s a figment of my imagination. But the pain boring into my backside surely slips me back into reality. “Olivia!” I jump to my feet. My jaw shakes, and my organs disintegrate. The room seems to wrap itself in a shadow, cloaking me in its darkness.
She also comes to her feet, her mouth open as she looks around the room. She brushes off her skirts and her eyes focus on me. My eyes flash as it dawns on me that I caused her to fall. It shouldn’t matter, and I don’t think it ever has until this moment. The guilt that strangles me also cooks my blood.
“Adam,” she gasps. “What is this place?”
She steps off toward the shattered painting, and I run forward. “Don’t touch that! What are you doing here, Olivia? I thought I told you never to come here!”
Exhaling loudly, I tower over her. She shakes, and her dilated pupils make her eyes appear black. “I don’t understand.” She reaches out to touch my arm. “We just had a… I thought you were…” she stutters.
Her warm touch stings me, and I shrug her hand away. She’s seen my shameful secret, and I raise my hand toward her neck. My fingers bend from the pressure gathering at my fingertips. It would be easy to squeeze that pity from her eyes before the last three days are up. As I said, dishonesty isn’t a problem for me and killing her now wouldn’t make much of a difference. But I can’t. Cocksucker! I can’t. She watches my hand as it shakes before her, as the vein in my wrist projects from the blood pounding at it. She seems to stop breathing, her neck tenses.
“Leave! Now!” I growl.
She gasps, stepping away from me slowly, before running as soon as she’s within a safe distance. At the door however, she stills. My back is turned toward her, and my shoulders rise and fall with each harrowing breath I pull through my lungs.
“I’m sorry that whoever she is hurt you that much. I hope one day, whether I’m around to see it, you’ll let go of the control she so clearly still has over your heart and actions.” Her voice trembles with a sob, before her feet scurry away.
Though she’s already departed, I yell, “I said, leave!” Air slams into my lungs like a horse stepping into my chest, and I roar, grabbing the already fragmented picture frame and hauling it at the door. My armour blows up and for the first time in a long time, I sink to my knees as tears attempt to drown me. I can’t even pick myself up to close the door and barricade my embarrassing breakdown. Sounds I don’t recognize, throw themselves from my body and before I know it, I’m curled up in a ball on the dirty carpet, hugging myself.
Deciding to choose love? I think I’d rather be struck in the heart with a sword. In fact, I find myself begging in the confines of my thoughts, for death at this very moment, so that Olivia’s fate won’t rely on my actions. And so that I’ll be saved from the aftermath of either decision. If she dies, a part of me will die too. I’ll live forever swallowed in the loss of her, dying slowly with each passing day.
If she lives, I’ll be tortured with the sort of madness for which there’s no escape. If she doesn’t love me back, I’ll spend the rest of my days withering away, wondering where she might be and despising whoever has her heart. If she does love me back, I’ll be consumed with the fear of betrayal, the taunting possibility of the revelation of an ugly truth. I can see no win for myself, whether she lives or dies.
Except that if she dies, I may convince myself that I’m capable of overcoming every weakness. Still, I find myself questioning strength as I remain temporarily crippled by fear.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Olivia
Seeinghimlikethat,my heart inflates until it’s too large for my chest. My body buzzes as I stumble into the bedroom. Gloria startles me as she tidies up. She’s split in two as the room spins with the speed of a dreidel.
“Oh, dear!” She drops the dusting cloth and, on her way, over to me, there seems to be a shift or a snag in the earthly and spiritual dimensions. She zaps in and out like lightning. She’s there, and she isn’t until her touch jerks me. Her hand on my head does little to steady me as she lowers me to the bed. “What’s happened? Are you overcome with thoughts of the next few days?”
“Yes… No.” I blink, shaking my head at the brain cramp. The left side of my chest tightens, and I hear my heartbeat. Gloria moves from beside me and returns with a cup of water and a cool rag.
“Breathe. Oh, Olivia. I hate seeing you like this. If I could help you escape, I would,” she whispers the last part.
“It’s not that,” I manage after taking a sip. “Well, it is that, but it’s not. I don’t know what’s happening to me. What’s wrong with me?” I look up at her as my eyes grow heavy with water.
“Oh, sweetheart. There’s nothing at all wrong with you.” She sits beside me, grabbing me into a hug. “It’s perfectly normal for one in your position.” Her body shakes. “Oh, Olivia. I don’t want to lose you. It breaks my heart that I can do nothing to stop him.”
I tremble into her hold. “But that’s just it, Gloria. I’m terrified of what will happen in the next few days, yet, why?” My tears soak through her apron. “Why do I care so much about what he feels? Why does my heart break for him? Why don’t I hate him more?”
She sniffles above my head. “What are you talking about, sweet one?”
Easing out of her hold, I use the cold cloth to wipe away my tears. “I just came upon him, and he was so distraught,” I say, unable to look at her as my shoulders slump.
“He was distraught over the thought of killing you?” Gloria asks, gasping as if for a man like him, such an idea is unfathomable.
“No, which is why this is insane. I don’t think he even thinks about me.” My heart hurts, and my shoulders tremble.
“Oh, Olivia. It’s because you’ve got such a sweet, compassionate heart. I feel like trading places with you. I wish there were more I could do to help. I despise him!” she moans, and I hurry to stop her lips with my fingers, glancing toward the door.
“Please. I couldn’t bear it if you lost your life because of me,” I whisper.
“I don’t care…” She raises her voice.
