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There was fear underneath her words, though I could tell she was trying hard to hide it from me. I found her hand in the dark and engulfed it in mine. I squeezed gently, trying to reassure her. “But it didn’t, and we’re both okay.”
She shifted, and I thought she’d pull her hand away. Instead, her hand turned up and she wrapped her fingers around mine. The connection soothed my spirit, and my shoulders relaxed.
The connection comforted us both, I think. Her hand shook ever so slightly, yet she held onto me like I was a lifeline. She wasn’t alone in this. I wasn’t alone in this. That was something. We were going to get through this together.
“So, are you in these kinds of situations a lot?” I asked lightly, trying to find something to say.
“What kind of situations would that be? Trapped on a desolate, hostile planet being chased by people who want to drop me into a pool of acid rain? Hiding in a cave with a meteorologist? Or climatologist, I mean.” Humor threaded her words. Even though I couldn’t see it, I felt her smile. “No. This is a new one for me.”
I laughed. It felt good to laugh. “You know what I mean.”
She started to shrug, but it must have hurt because she stopped almost immediately. “This isn’t the first life-threatening situation I’ve been in. You’d think I’d be used to it by now, but I’m not. The adrenaline still messes me up sometimes. The fighting still hurts. Running still exhausts me. The thought that I might die at any moment still petrifies me.”
“But you keep going.”
“Yeah, I guess I do. Someone’s got to do it. Protect others. Make a difference. Someone has to try to do the right thing.”
A whisper of a thought drifted through my mind. The universe often communicated to me through my feelings and instincts, giving me random insights about life. I rubbed the back of her hand absentmindedly as I quieted my spirit, trying to listen.
“You’re a bear.”
The words popped out before I could properly censor them. I winced when I heard them out loud. Julia made a noise in her throat. “What? I’m awhat?”
I pressed my lips together and ran my free hand over my dreadlocks. “I didn’t mean it like that. I mean you have the spirit of the bear.”
“That doesn’t sound any nicer.”
I laughed again and gave her hand another squeeze. “No, it’s a good thing. A bear is protective, confident, and strong. To have the spirit of a bear means you are a courageous warrior, a grounding force, and a leader. You stand against the odds, firm in your belief that it’s the right thing to do. That’s the spirit of the bear. That is who you are.”
Seconds ticked away while she digested the information. I had no idea what was going through her head, and I hoped I hadn’t offended her somehow. I understood she might not be appreciative of me calling her a bear, but I hadn’t meant it negatively.
“Does that mean I should get a tattoo of a bear paw on my hand?”
Her voice was light, and I smiled, turning to look at her even though I couldn’t see her very well in the dark. “Only if you want to. I did it because I felt like I was supposed to.” Even as I spoke, the tattoo burned against her hand. “It makes me feel connected to who I am.”
“You take all of this quite seriously, don’t you?”
I wasn’t offended by her question. I understood that not everyone shared the same worldview as my people. “I do. I’m not saying that I take it all literally, but there is a spiritual element to it that I believe in steadfastly. I meditate for a reason. I believe the universe—or cosmos, or God, or whatever you want to call it—does things for a reason. I don’t believe in coincidences; I believe in opportunities. I believe we are all connected and interdependent in some way. A life force is in each of us that we can recognize if we are looking for it. I trust my instincts, and I believe they come from my beliefs.”
“I wish I had faith like you.”
“You could.” It was my turn to shrug. “Just because you don’t believe in the spiritual doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. I think everyone believes in something, even if they don’t think so. I think some people believe in money and the power it holds. Some people believe themselves to be the only important thing in life. And other people believe in love, loyalty, and kindness.”
“I haven’t believed in anything in a long time.” Her voice turned wistful, as though recalling a better time. She cleared her throat. “Anyway, I think we should be getting back. It should be safe to go.”
I didn’t want to go, not yet. She didn’t make a move to leave, so I didn’t move either. “You’ve been through a lot, haven’t you?”
Silence. Then she sighed softly. “Yeah. Life hasn’t exactly been a cakewalk for me.”
Me either.
I didn’t say the words, didn’t want to belittle her suffering. We both had our own pain, and they didn’t need to be compared. Neither was pleasant; of that, I was sure.
After a few moments, I felt the urge to move again. Reluctantly, I reached for the GPS to see how far away from the ship we were. Surprisingly, we weren’t as far away as I had feared. It was still a bit of a trek since we couldn’t take a direct route, but it wasn’t horrible.
“We aren’t too far away. Are you ready to go back?”
She clicked her tongue, lifted into a crouch, and pulled her hand from mine. I immediately missed the contact. “No, but we need to.” She moved towards the opening to check if it was safe. I watched her climb out before moving to follow. I pulled my bandana across my face again and told myself to focus on my surroundings, not on Julia.
