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“Fancyseeingyouhere,”Belle said when I walked through the front door of the house. She was sitting on our couch, watching her favorite show for what had to be the millionth time.
“I live here,” I said, raising an eyebrow at her.
“Are you sure? I haven’t seen you in like ten days.” She lifted one of her eyebrows at me in accusation.
My face was hot under her gaze, but there was nothing I could say. Because she was right. I’d been out almost every waking moment of every day since Tiffany and I’s first date.
I couldn’t necessarily say it was because I was head over heels for Tiffany. Our time spent together was fun and enjoyable, and I’d really liked getting to know her better. But the more time I spent with her, the more I wanted to avoid Belle. I wanted to keep the lingering feelings that I had for her buried deep beneath everything else going on in life, so I stayed away from home as much as possible. It wasn’t good for me to build a relationship with one woman only for those feelings to be knocked down every time I saw Belle’s stunning eyes looking back at me.
I knew Belle’s schedule well, and did everything that I could to be gone when she was home.
Today, I couldn’t bear to do it anymore. I had gone far too long without seeing or talking to my best friend one on one, and I didn’t want to let this distance between us continue to build.
So instead of trying to make an excuse to brush off Belle’s statement, I just shrugged, slumping onto the couch next to her. “I promise I’m not living anywhere else,” I responded stupidly, throwing an arm around the back of the couch and consequently around her shoulders.
“And here I’d begun to wonder if you were house hunting with Tiffany,” she said, and I wished she would have said it with more jealousy in her tone, but it was kind and gentle as always. Making it painfully obvious that she was in favor of my relationship with Tiffany.
Which I should be happy about. But I wasn’t. And that feeling in my gut was precisely why I’d been avoiding Belle.
“That won’t be happening any time soon,” I informed her, laughing at the idea of buying a house with a girl who I hadn’t even officially asked to be my girlfriend.
“Hmm,” she mused quietly, her attention on the show. I’d seen this episode at least three times before, having watched this in passing with Belle.
“How have you been?” I asked her, trying to slide my hand stealthily to the remote, which sat next to her thigh.
“The same as always. Gym, work, sleep, repeat,” she answered, her eyes still trained on the television. It made me sad to think that she’d been doing nothing other than her normal routine while I’d been spending every night out with Tiffany. Usually, her weeknights were filled with cooking dinner with me or watching movies together. But now that I’d busied myself, she was in this house alone every night.
I didn’t know how to respond without sounding like a total jerk, so I changed the subject.
“Movie night, Tuesday?” I asked her, knowing that the newest movie in one of the cinematic universes that we loved would be available to stream tomorrow night. Not to mention we often used Tuesday nights to watch movies together.
She finally turned her head to look at me, surprise on her features. “Really? You don’t have plans?”
“Just ones to sit right here, eat a heinous amount of popcorn, and watch the new Alpha movie.” I grinned at her, seeing the happy expression on her face. It eased a tightness in me that I hadn’t realized was there. One that was surely formed out of worry that she was upset I’d been missing from her daily life for so long. Worry that she wouldn’t want me in her daily life anymore now that she’d had a taste of it.
“I’m in!” She responded excitedly, and I used the opportunity of her distraction to snatch the remote and quickly click on the Netflix button, switching the streaming app of the TV. “Hey!”
She tried to grab the remote from me, which ended in an all-out wrestle match between the two of us. Belle really loved that show, and she wasn’t playing games when it came to her rewatch, apparently. Our arms and hands were tangled as we both tried to get the most purchase on the remote to claim the screen for ourselves, and somehow, she ended up in my lap, her back to my chest, as she tried to use her body weight to pry the remote from my hands.
"Easy, tiger," I commented through my laughter, my grip still strong as steel to prevent her from taking it away. At this point, I didn’t care a bit about what we watched. All I cared about was winning this match and preventing her from getting the glory. And if I was completely honest with myself, I knew that I enjoyed the position we were in with her on my lap. I enjoyed the closeness and how I could smell her lavender-scented hair. How I could feel her body against mine.
As soon as I acknowledged that feeling, I let my grip on the remote loosen so that she won the battle. She whooped in excitement and turned to look at me, still in my lap. She stuck her tongue out at me, her hair disheveled, and my breathing all but stopped, along with my heart.
The smile on my face slowly slipped as I realized how dangerous this was. Again, why I avoided her.
"I win," she said breathlessly, sliding off of my lap and back to her original seat. Her cheeks were flushed, but her eyes stayed on mine.
"You may have won the battle…" I said, but with none of my usual enthusiasm. It was a statement we both often used when we had fake fights around the house.
"Oh, I’ll win the war. Always, Landon," she said, finishing the statement for me.
And it was too much. I had missed her so much, but there was nothing that I could do about the way I felt about her. No amount of time away from her would fix the aching in my heart that I had held for nearly eight years now. I realized that I was in a dangerous situation because as long as she was in my life, especially so central, I might never be able to get over her. I might never be able to give my all to another woman, all because I was obsessed with my best friend, who had never and would never see me as anything but that.
Finally, Belle turned back to the television, resting on the couch as she watched her show. I didn’t want to make it awkward or obvious that something was wrong, so I waited for an episode in silence. Then, I made an excuse about needing real food and excused myself to the kitchen. Gratitude flooded through my veins when she didn’t follow me as she usually did, and I got to work cooking some chicken and vegetables. I made enough for Belle and took a plate to the couch for her.
Instead of sitting next to her, I took a seat in the armchair that was next to the couch, needing the space between us. Even after cooking, I still couldn’t get the rumbling for her out of my chest. The longing that she was something that I would never have, though I desperately wanted.
As I ate, I pretended to watch the show with her, but I was absent. My mind tried to calculate if I could even continue things with Tiffany, who I really did like. But would it even be fair to her? On the other hand, though, I’d never told her that we were anything serious yet, and maybe she was what I needed to get over Belle. It was clear that we were exclusive, but neither one of us had made anything official.
