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"Come up with me," she suggested, grabbing one of my hands. At the moment, I was so mad at myself for what happened tonight that I nearly shook her touch off. But I stopped myself, knowing that would only sour things between us even more. "We can finish what we started here, and you can just stay the night."
Not a single cell in my body wanted what she was offering. My anger ratcheted higher at her words, realizing how tone-deaf she must be. She just listened to how upset I was with myself for standing up for my best friend, yet she asked me to stay the night at her place. Which meant that I wouldn't be going home to profusely apologize to Belle.
"No, Tiffany. I'm going home. I'll call you tomorrow." I removed my hand from hers and turned away from her, staring out through the windshield. I wasn't going to argue with her about it, so I would let her take as much time as she needed to realize that I was seriously not getting out of this car and going to her apartment with her. And in my anger, I wasn't even going to be walking her to the door, despite how late it was. I knew that made me a jerk, but at the moment, there was only one woman I was concerned about.
Maybe that should have tipped me off to end things with Tiffany, but it still didn't. I still had hope that I could juggle my close friendship with Belle while still enjoying a romantic relationship with someone else.
Tiffany huffed and opened her car door, stepping out into the night. She slammed the door shut, and just as I was about to shift the car into reverse, she opened it again.
"Here's your phone," she said as she grabbed my phone from her purse and tossed it onto the seat. "You left it in the car earlier when you picked me up, so I put it in my bag in case you needed it."
And then she slammed the car door again and stomped around the front. I watched her walk into the building, not even looking over her shoulder at me.
Before I left, I grabbed my phone to check it. I realized I hadn't had it on me since Tiffany got into my car after work, and therefore hadn't checked. On my lock screen was a single notification from Belle. I opened it and nearly threw the phone out the window when I saw that she had sent it at six-twenty.
Belle: What time will you be home? I've almost got everything ready for dinner! Your favorite snacks are ready too.
I drove home as fast as I could, hoping that Belle would accept every apology I gave her. I would get on my knees and beg for forgiveness from her if I needed to. Because no matter where our lives went, no matter who I dated or who she dated, she was still my best friend, and I still cared about her enough to make sure that we were okay. To make sure that she knew how much I loved and appreciated her. As a friend.
17
Isabella
AsmuchasIjust wanted to fall asleep and forget that tonight even happened, I couldn't. No matter how long I kept my eyes closed or forced myself to breathe evenly, blissful sleep wouldn't come. Instead, tears continued to stream down my cheeks as the scene replayed in my head.
Landon had truly stood me up for his girlfriend. For Tiffany. The passive-aggressive mean girl from college. The one who did anything she could to boot me out of our group but never succeeded. Until now, when she managed to boot me out of my own friendship. The look on her face made me wonder if she'd known all along that Landon and I were supposed to have a movie night and if she intentionally pulled him away.
But I couldn't blame her, in the end. That wasn't fair to her at all, actually, even if she did intentionally sabotage our night. Because Landon was the one who had stood me up. Forgotten about our plans and didn't even have the decency to tell me he wasn't coming. That was all on him, no matter what role Tiffany played.
I should probably just get over it and move on. Landon was dating someone now, and that had to shift the dynamic in our friendship. We couldn't be having movie nights together just the two of us, regardless of how long we'd been only friends. Regardless of the fact that we'd never even as much as kissed before. Or the fact that we'd lived together for three years now, nearly four. It was just how life was. And even if Landon dated someone that was cool with how close he and I were, our friendship would always have to come second to his relationship. It needed to. That was the right way to do things.
That train of thought had me realizing that our friendship wouldn't last forever. It couldn't. Because one day, we would get married and would have someone more important in our respective lives. There would be no more movie nights or gym days together. There would be no more us. Sure, we would probably stay in touch and eventually our kids would become friends, but we wouldn't be like we were now. The sooner I accepted that, the less pain I would feel.
But I didn't want to accept that. In fact, I wanted to scream into my pillow at how unfair it was for the world to give me such an amazing person and for it to only be temporary. For it to only be while we were unmarried and single. The thought of losing what we had made my breathing heavy and my tears increase. Because Landon was my person. My everything. He'd been there for me during breakups, mourned with me over pet deaths, helped me through the hardest parts of college. He celebrated victories with me with a huge smile on his face always.
And the idea that he wouldn't be an ever-present figure for the rest of my life shocked a realization into me. I loved Landon.
Now, I always had loved Landon and recognized it as the strong friendship between us. But I loved Landon. As in, I trembled at the thought of losing him. Mourned the idea of a life without him. I felt for him what I'd never even felt for any boyfriend that had ever had a place in my life. Landon had done for me more than anyone else in my life ever had. He was always there, constant, through every phase of life. Ready to be the guy I could vent to, or the one I could party with when things were great. He always had a goofy smile and a hug ready for me and listened to my words like they were treasure. Like I was treasure.
I was in love with Landon.
And it was too late.
He was with Tiffany, and already I could feel our relationship changing. Never when he dated before did he shove our friendship to the backburner like he had now. He'd never forgotten me for his girlfriend.
He must really like her, and that was why this was different. They were different. We were different. This realization, coupled with the sting of betrayal from tonight, was enough to keep me staring at the ceiling, wondering what was next for me. Maybe I could just move on and pretend nothing ever happened. But I was no actor. I knew that I wouldn't be able to do that without something to distract me.
While I was plotting my next steps, I heard the front door open, then close. My whole body tensed, and I didn't dare move, afraid that I would make a noise.
"Belle!" Landon called, and I gritted my teeth to prevent the natural reaction of responding. I didn't ignore Landon. Ever. Even when I was mad. But now, I was more than mad. I was heartbroken.
"Belle! Are you asleep? Actually, I know you're not. Listen," he said at a volume that even a sleeping person would wake up to. "I messed up so bad. I know. And I know there's no excuse for what I did, but I will beg for your forgiveness if I have to."
His words had me wanting to vault out of my bed and open the door, but I remained in place. I couldn't. Wouldn't. Because things had to be different now. He knocked on my door, and I jumped. "Come on, please let me apologize to your face, Isabella." The use of my full name had my tears flowing heavier. He rarely used it unless he was super serious. "I can't believe that I forgot about tonight, and I promise I'll do whatever I need to to make it up to you. I'm an idiot, Belle. And I need you to know that you're still important to me. Our friendship is still important. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Isabella."
I bit my lip to prevent the sob that wanted to escape. He didn't need to hear how hurt I was right now because then he would just assume it was about tonight only. But it was about so much more, and I couldn't even explain why. That wouldn't be fair to Tiffany, Landon, or myself.
"Please, open the door," he begged, turning the handle only to find it locked. I was glad that I locked it because I didn't want him seeing any of this. He didn't need to know that I was more than just a little hurt by his actions. That my feelings for him were balancing on a fine line between friendship and more. More.
