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“If not, maybe I can conduct one. Cailin 2.0 will become a researcher.”
“What was it that Collin said on your first date when you asked him if he was a dog person?”
“He said, ‘They shed and slobber, take up space in the bed, and leave you heartbroken when they pass away.’ That should have been my first red flag.”
“You totally should have excused yourself to use the bathroom and then snuck out the back window.”
“I did consider it. But the thought of landing on a thorny bush seemed less appealing than continuing with the rest of the conversation.”
“How did you respond?”
“I told him, ‘You just haven’t met the right dog yet. The dog that makes every day better, even if all you have left are memories.’”
Gemma’s facial expression changes to one of concern. “Okay, how are you really feeling though? You can tell me. This is a big change. Do we need a night out?”
I appreciate Gemma for checking in on me beneath what she sees on the surface. “Honestly, I cried all the tears away a while ago. I mourned the marriage, forgave myself, and allowed grace, and now I’m ready to move on.”
Gemma gives me a hug. “I’m proud of you, really. That sounded inspirational. Like something more women need to hear. It’s okay to cry, be gentle with yourself, and don’t replay mistakes or lost time in your mind. Just move forward.”
Gemma dabs her eye and I notice her lip quiver. “Are you crying?”
“Hormones.”
With that, we both burst out laughing, and I realize how much I needed to let go for a moment. Soon after, Gemma leaves to go check on Stella. As soon as the door closes behind her, a sudden feeling of loneliness washes over me. But that only lasts a second, because my mom is texting me, telling me she’s on her way to help me unpack.
* * *
With my mom’s help, I have mostly everything organized where it belongs. I’m glad I have her support, but wish she would back off a bit when trying to help me find a new relationship.
“You know, Ethan is single,” my mom says. “He’s doing really well as a financial analyst. Wait ’til you see the size of his house. It’s way too big for one man. He must be waiting to find the right woman to get married and have kids.”
We ordered pizza from my favorite restaurant. When I was little, we got pizza every Friday night. My older brothers and dad ordered pepperoni, and my mom and I dug into the white pie. My brothers have both moved out of state for work, but I video chat with their kids every week. My dad is retired and off on a fishing expedition with his friends at the moment.
I sigh and pull my second slice. “Mom, Ethan was my boyfriend in high school. We were kids. Please stop trying to set me up.”
My mom swallows a bite of pizza as she contemplates her response. “I’m just saying that he could be good for you. I’d like to have grandchildren who live nearby.”
I nearly choke on my food. And this foreshadowed the rest of our conversation. Later, when my mom leaves, I collapse on my bed and start mindlessly scrolling social media to decompress. Yes, it’s against every therapist’s advice. But, I’m tempted to look up Ethan’s page. We’re connected, but really never interact. I can’t help but admit that I am curious about the size of his house…and maybe other things. Ethan was a good kisser back in the day. Not that I had anything to compare it to back then. But maybe a little post-divorce action is just what I need.
As I’m trailing off into a heated fantasy, my social feed updates and my heart skips a beat. There’s Jax. He just posted a photo of himself working out, shirtless, sweaty, and covered in more tattoos. Gosh, he still gets my heart racing. I follow him, but not religiously, since I grew up and have established my own life as a daytime drama series.
“Back at it. Big news coming soon,” Jax captions the photo. I double tap to like it and log out of the app. I decide I should shut down my phone. If I stay on any longer, I’m going to start looking up jobs, and I just want to relax and forget about the state of these matters for the rest of the night.
Before I can power off, I get a text from my college roommate, Imani. We bonded over our ambition to succeed in media relations. We both became publicists, but Imani leaned more towards music publicity. I left the entertainment side of PR and ventured into the world of corporate PR because I straight-up wanted to make money, and working with indie rock bands didn’t cover my cost of life expenses. But at times, I always envied Imani, because she was doing work that made her exhilarated and she got paid well by her company. It’s what I yearned to feel and achieve. I click on Imani’s text.
Imani: Call me ASAP. I have a great opportunity for you.
I debate calling Imani. I’m interested in what she has to say, but I’m also exhausted. However, I give in and pull up her number.
“Cailin, you can thank me now. I have the solution to your problems. You need a job and one of the senior publicists at my company just resigned. We need to fill her spot ASAP and I already told my boss about you. I just need you to update your resume and send it to me tomorrow.”
I’m stunned. Could finding a new job really be this easy? I was expecting to be applying for roles and crying over countless rejections for at least a few weeks. I even made a list of my favorite ice cream flavors that are made in tub size.
“Whoa, slow down,” I say. “I just moved out of the City and I haven’t worked in music PR in years. I am totally out of the game.”
“PR is PR. You know how to manage accounts, lead calls with clients, and you’re creative as hell. The media loves you and you form strong connections with everyone you work with, so all that will translate here. You just need to brush up on the state of the music industry and learn the key contacts and outlets. I can help with that. And this role is totally remote, like most of our company. You won’t have to commute to the office.”
Imani is slowly selling me on this idea. I feel my heart start to race with excitement, like when I spot the roasted nut vendor on the street and there’s no line. “Okay, it’s worth a shot. I have to pay the mortgage on my apartment, after all. I’ll update my resume tomorrow and send it to you.”
