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“Hey, Coco. How do you feel about being called Hope from now on?” I ask. I pet the top of her head and confirm that I’m already one of those people who talks to her dog.
My first order of business as a new dog owner is to go to the pet store. We need a name tag, collar, leash, bowls, food, treats, poop bags, and of course a cute dog sweatshirt because in a few months it’ll be fall. Hope has short hair so I want to keep her warm—and trendy. Who am I kidding?
A dog’s first car ride after being adopted is often referred to as a freedom ride. We need to celebrate our new beginning. But unlike my divorce freedom ride from the City to Jersey, I’m not going to sing along to boy band anthems. I’m in the mood to blast some empowering female punk rock. I remember a song Hayley played for me by one female singer, type the name of the song into my phone, and press play. This is what I need for my new start.
When Hope and I return from the pet store, we go for a little walk around my neighborhood and then I take her inside to show her around her new digs. Hope wags her tail as she explores every room. Eventually, she settles on the couch. I sit down next to her and she rests her head on my lap.
“My sweet girl,” I say to Hope. “You’ll never be alone again.” I wish I could say the same about myself. But right now, I feel like I am destined to be single forever.
Trash the Dress Online Chat
Alexandra:Cailin, are you OK?
40
CAILIN MCCALL FINDS OUT WHAT’S IN THE CARDS
CAILIN
Havinga dog is great because it forces me to be active. Hope loves walking around the lake, and getting out and moving my body is just what I need too. It’s our new routine. This morning, I try to find the beauty in the reflection of the trees on the lake, so that’s progress. But then I cross paths on my walking trail with the mom of a childhood friend.
“Cailin, hunny, I’m so glad to see you’re out and about and not at home crying over that man. He’s such a dog.”
I simply nod my head, return a weak smile, and tug Hope to keep moving forward. I disagree with her, for one thing. Jax isn’t a dog. Dogs are loyal creatures and they never let down the ones they love. I can’t say those things about Jax. Despite all of that, I can’t help but think about how I wanted to bring Jax here after tour and hold his hand as we walk around the lake. Instead, my hand is stuffed into the pocket of my shorts and I can’t stop thinking about what he’s doing on tour. I deleted all my social media apps, so I haven’t seen if he has posted or made a response. Marisol is thankfully giving me some space and told me to take the next week off to figure things out. And by figure things out, I mean watch soap operas with Hope.
There’s a knock on my door. “I know you’re in there, Cailin. Open up!” The bangs continue until I reach the door. Gemma is relentless.
“Hey.” Hope is right by my side, eager to meet our guests.
“You got a dog already?” Stella is perched on Gemma’s hip.
“This is Hope. I’m not sure if she likes kids, but she’s very friendly.”
Gemma pushes her way through the door and throws down her diaper bag, followed by her purse. She sighs and sits down on the couch, handing Stella a rattle toy. Even frazzled, Gemma is elegant. Impeccable hair and clothes are motherhood-proof on her. “I came to check on you. And it looks like you need it.”
Granted, I have takeout bags scattered across my table. But that’s only because I haven’t walked down to the garbage yet. “I’m showering. Hope and I went for a walk. I’m fine.”
“Thank goodness she is giving you a reason to leave your apartment. You can’t hide in here forever, Cailin.”
“It’s not like I have anything else to do. My laptop didn’t arrive yet. I can’t look for a job.”
“Have you checked the news or talked to your boss?”
“No, I don’t want to see or hear anything about him. Marisol told me to take some time off to myself.”
“Well, I know you don’t want to talk about Jax, but I saw an article that says no one has contacted him personally claiming to be pregnant with his child. Sources say her name is Ana, but I haven’t seen a photo. Why don’t you check your direct messages online? Maybe he tried to reach out to you?”
“Nope, I don’t care. I don’t want to hear what he’s going to say. He’s probably releasing those statements to hold off the media.” I’m hurt even more now that I know her name is Ana.
“I would probably feel the same way if I was in your position, but I hate seeing you like this. You need closure.”
“Jax getting someone pregnant is all the closure I need. Now, are you here to cheer me up or are we going to talk about Jax all day?”
“You’re right. New topic. Do you want to come work at my shop until you figure things out?”
“Thanks, Gemma, I appreciate the offer. But that’s too public for me right now. I don’t feel like dealing with people.”
“Understood. If you change your mind, my offer stands.”
