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I’mjust done.
I’mtaking my tattered heart and running as far and as fast asIcan fromJacksonfuckingWaters.
“Idon’t want to go.”
“I’mnot going to make you do anything you don’t want to do,Selena.ButIneed you there with me tonight.”
“Noone’s going to notice ifI’mnot there.Youcan just go without me.”
“Areyou sure?I’dreally like you to be there.”Jacksongrins. “AndIthink you underestimate how much everyone loves my #elevatorgirl.”
“IfInever hear that dumb hashtag ever again…”Iwould almost wish none of this had ever happened.ButthenIwould never have metJackson.AndIdon’t want to think about a world whereIdon’t know this man.MaybeIonly get to almost have him for six weeks, not a lifetime, and never the real thing, butIknow with every desperate beat of my breaking heart that almost havingJacksonis better than never having him at all.Andthat’s allIhave to hold on to right now.
“Why?It’scute.Justlike you.Myelevator girl,”Jacksonsays with a grin, rubbing my shoulders.
Hiselevator girl.Ifonly.Maybein another life.Anotheruniverse.Maybeif everything was different, and he could actually be mine.
“Don’tcall me that.”
“Sorry, baby.Ithink it’s cute.Youare my #elevatorgirl.”
“Idon’t know.I’mnot sure how good it would look for me to be there.”
“Whatdo you mean?”
“Thetwo months are almost up.Weonly have two weeks left.”
“Right.”Jacksonfrowns at me. “Andyou’ve been thinking about that?”
“Ofcourse.Maybeit makes more sense for you to go alone?Getpeople used to the idea of me not being in the picture?”
Hesounds angry now.Good, that makes two of us. “Ifyou don’t want to come with me,Selena.Justfucking say it.”
“Idid say it!Youweren’t hearing me.Idon’t want to come with you.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
Winnerof the maturity contest officially goes to me!Andmy prize is being sad and alone.ExactlyhowIalways knew this was going to end.
chaptersixty-six
jackson
Afterspending the night smiling, answering questions about shitIdon’t care about, shaking hands with peopleIdon’t care about, all while dressed in an uncomfortable suit and all by myself whenSelenashould be here with me, the anger rises and rises inside me asIdrive home, andIdon’t try to stop it.
Iused to have to do this kind of thing alone all the time.Itwasn’t a big deal to attend one of these things by myself.SometimesValor a studioIwas working for would line up an actress or a singer who needed a bit of publicity to be my date, but lots of timesIwent alone.
Butthat was beforeIhad a woman thatIwanted to bring.ThatIwas proud to bring with me.Everything’sbetter whenSelena’sthere.That’sjust a fact.
Iknew something was off with her, butIdidn’t push.Ihate myself for selfishly being so happy when something was obviously eating at her.ButI’mpissed as hell at her for not just telling me what was wrong, soIcould fix it for her.Ifshe doesn’t like the hair and makeup or the dresses, that’s all she had to say.Ifshe needed more notice, fine.Ifshe didn’t want to do events after working all day at the bakery, fine.Icould have worked something out.Butshe doesn’t just get to not tell me what’s wrong and then be pissed at me for not being a mind reader.
Idon’t know what the hell happened tonight, but we’re going to hash it out as soon asIget home.Whateverit takes.IfIhave to lick her pretty pussy for hours and not let her come until she talks to me, then that’s whatI’mgoing to do.
Idon’t take the time to park in the garage likeIusually do.Idon’t want to waste any more time.Nota single second.We’regetting all of our shit out in the open tonight, and she’s going to tell me she’s staying here with me forever.Fuckthe stupid contract.
Throwingopen the unlocked front door,I’mcalling out for her beforeIeven set foot inside.
