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Butthe number of times he finds me in the crowd and smiles at me has my heart racing.AndIsee this man all day, except whenI’mat the bakery kitchen.Ifall asleep in his arms every night.Andit’s still not enough.
Mycheeks burn every time he catches my eyes.Idon’t know thisJackson.Thecocky, thoughtful movie star.Thecelebrity.Iknow the guyIgot stuck in an elevator with, the oneItossed protein balls at like he was a dog.Iknow the country boy fromWesternSpringswho fits right in back at home on his family’s farm.Theone always joking around with his brothers.Theone whose best friend is a womanItruly want to be friends with.That’sthe manIknow.That’sthe manIlove.
Andthat’s the manIhave to say goodbye to in about ten hours.
Theclock is ticking down to my broken heart.That’sa joke.It’salready broken.ButhavingJacksonstill around is sort of keeping it taped together before it breaks into a million little pieces.Andthat tape is going to be ripped off tonight.
Thepanel is amazing.Probablymore as aRaven’sRavinesuperfan than asJacksonWaters’ pretend girlfriend.Becauseas a pretend girlfriend, allIcan see is how handsome he looks and how far away from me he feels.
Afterthe panel,Jacksoncrooks his finger at me for me to come up on stage.Whena well-meaning security guard tries to stop me,Jacksonbites his head off like a total asshole untilIpress my hand on his chest and shake my head at him.Thenhe apologizes and gives the guy a few hundred bucks.Jacksonalways thinks he can fix everything with money.
Partof me wishes it was possible.Becauseat midnightI’mgoing to have two-hundred-and-fifty-thousand dollars in my bank account.AndIwould give every cent back for more time withJackson.I’dgive anything for him to see how good we could be together.Andnot just the sex.Ilove being with him.Wehave fun together.Wecan talk to each other about almost everything.Ilove his family.IloveOatsandLily.IloveWesternSprings.Wecould build a life there.Orhere inL.A.Iwant to scream atJacksonto wake up and see that we could be the real thing.
Buthe’s never going to see me as anything more than pretend.I’mtemporary.I’mconvenient.Soon,Jacksonwill be inAustralia, andI’llstill be here inL.A., missing him.
Jacksonwill never think of me again, butI’mnot sure howI’mever going to think of anyone else.I’mnot sure howImove on fromJacksonWaters.Ihonestly don’t even want to.
ButIhave to.BecauseIcan’t waste the rest of my life pining for a man that the entire world thinks is out of my league.MaybeIcan just be an old spinster baker?
ButIwant kids.Iwant a family.IwantJackson.
Butpeople don’t get to have everything they want, do they?
Ishould just be grateful thatJacksonWatersever gave me a second look.Ishould be grateful for the two monthsIgot to spend with him.Forthebenefits.Forhow good he makes me feel every time he touches me.
Maybeone day,Iwill just be grateful.Butright now, it hurts too damn much.
“Selena?Baby?”Ilook around whenIhear my name.Izoned out whileJacksonwas talking to the show runner about old times.Butthe intimidating woman in her late fifties with long silver hair has turned away now and is talking to the author, instead ofJackson.
“Sorry.What’sup?”
“We’regoing to meetJonasfor dinner at seven.ButIthought you and me could walk around the convention floor for a bit before then.”
Bitingmy lip,Iglance behind us at the dozens and dozens of fans who haven’t left the room yet because they’re hoping to get close toJackson. “I’mnot sure that’s a good idea.”
“You’vebeen telling me for months how obsessed you are withRaven-Con, and now you don’t even want to check it out?”Jacksonlooks hurt, andIhate it.
“Ofcourse,Ido!ComingtoRaven-Conis the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”WhenJacksonfrowns,Iknow he’s not happy.ButIdon’t know whatIsaid.He’sthe one who brought me here.Whyisn’t he happy thatI’menjoying it? “Youknow how muchI’dlove to spend all day here exploring.IcouldliveatRaven-Con.Butare you sure you can go out there?Peoplewere staring at you before, butIcould tell they didn’t believe it was actually you.Nowtheyknowit’s you.”
Hisjaw loosens, and he lets out a big whoosh of air. “Thanksfor looking out for me, baby.Italked to security, and they’re going to send a few people out on the floor with us to make sure things don’t get out of control.I’dnever put you in danger.”
Ismile up atJacksonbecauseIcan’t not smile up at him when he’s this adorable. “I’mnot worried aboutme.YouknowI’dblend right in with the obsessive fans.IwishI’dknown we were coming here.Iwould have brought myRaven’sRavinet-shirt.Everyonehere would be so freaking jealous.”
“Nofucking way.Thatshirt’s way too tight on you,”Jacksongrowls at me.
Pinkstains my cheeks.Right.TheshirtJacksongave me is too tight for me to wear in public.
Jacksonwraps his arm around me and pulls me tight against his side.Heleans down and whispers in my ear. “Baby, that shirt lookswaytoo good on you.Noone’s seeing you in it but me.I’llbuy you a new t-shirt, baby.Ipromise.Readyto go?”
Jacksontakes my hand and leads me to the back of the auditorium and out onto the convention floor.
It’scomplete chaos.Peopleare everywhere.Andnow they know for sure that it’s actuallyJackson.
Peoplecome up to us askingJacksonfor signatures and pictures.Andhe’s kind and patient with everyone.Heonly lets go of my hand if he needs it to hold on to whatever he’s signing.Andthen he picks it right back up again.We’renot going anywhere fast at this rate of stopping for ten minutes every few feet.ButmeetingJacksonis making fans like me so freaking happy thatIcouldn’t mind ifItried.EvenifIdesperately want to see all the booths and displays myself.
Jacksonmust be getting a sore hand from signing his name over and over again.AndIcan tell he’s getting tired of smiling, because the smiles are getting a little less big.Alittle less genuine.
Myeyes nearly bug out when a tall, beautiful redhead tugs her shirt down to show her impressive boobs in a black lace bra.
