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“What’shis number?Ican be very convincing whenIwant to be.”
“ThisIknow.”Staringup at the ceiling,Itake a deep breath to calm myself.
“So, you’re going home?ToCanada?”
“Yeah, for a few days.Ora week?Idon’t know.Mydad's hurt.Hefell off the tractor.I’mnot sure about all the details.Butit sounds like he broke his arm and some ribs.Andmaybe he has a concussion.He’sin the hospital.Hemight need surgery.”
“Jackson,” she says my name and it just hangs there in the distance between us for a while. “I’msosorry.”
“Thanks.”
Selena’svoice is quiet as a whisper over the phone. “Doyou want me to…Imean, shouldI… come with you?”
chapternineteen
jackson
Thereis nothing in the entire worldIwant more at this moment than for her to come with me and shine some of her sunshine on me and my dad.Sincemy mom passed, things have been strained between us.Mybrothers still live inWesternSprings, butI’mthe oldest.Takingcare of dad and the farm is my responsibility.Andapparently,I’vebeen doing a shit job of it.WhatdidIexpect?Ihaven’t been home in over two years.Threeyears?Idon’t even know.Andwhen’s the last timeIspent more than a couple of days there?
“That’sincredibly generous of you… butIcan’t ask you to do that.Thankyou, though.Imean it.”
“Right, of course.We’renotactuallydating.Ifyou don’t want me to be there,Icompletely understand.Ididn’t mean to intrude.”
What?Notwant her to be there?Selenamakes everything easier.Shemakes me laugh.Shedistracts me whenIneed distracting.
“No,Ijust… it’s not your job to take care of me.Ormy family.Youdidn’t sign up for this.Youagreed to get coffee and dinner with me a few times.Andlet me put my hand on your back.Holdyour hand a few times when the photographers can see.Thereare no photographers inWesternSprings.”
“Okay, if you’re sure…” she trails off.
Doesshe sound almost disappointed?No, that’s my overactive imagination at work right there.Meleaving town means thatSelenacan go back to her life and building her business, without me dragging her into any of my shit.
“I’mjust worried about what the press will say.They’regoing to figure out where you are.Thesethings always come out.SomeoneinWesternSpringsor at the airport will post a picture of you or something.AndthenI’lllook like a crappy girlfriend for not being there with you.”
“Peopleare usually pretty good back home about not taking pictures of me.AndI’mflying private, so no one should take any photos at the airport.”
Ipause, processing what she said.I’mat least a few beats behind in this entire conversation. “Holdon a damn minute.Didyou just say that you’re worried about looking like a crappy girlfriend?”Iask, sharply.
Forthe first time since my brother called to tell me about dad,Ican see past the panic and guilt about how fastIcan get home.Andwhether or not it’s going to be fast enough.Becauseit wasn’t fast enough last time.
“It’snot mybiggestconcern.I’mworried about you.Andabout your dad.Andyour brothers.”Shesighs. “ButIdon’t want the world to thinkI’ma bad girlfriend, either.Thatwould undermine the whole elevator meet cute,Cinderellastory thing we’ve been doing.Andat some point,I’mgoing to be back on the dating market—not thatIwas ever off it for real—andIdon’t love the idea of people thinkingI’ma shitty, unsupportive girlfriend.”
“Youmean,men?Youdon’t want othermento think you’re a shitty, unsupportive girlfriend?”
“Yes, fine.Men.”
Iwantmento think she’s the shittiest girlfriend in the entire fucking world.Becausethe thought of another man calling her his sets me on fucking fire.NotthatIhave any right to be jealous when she was never mine to begin with.
“Areyou sure you don’t mind coming?WhataboutLadycakes?”
“Ladycakeswill be fine for a few days.We’reactually on top of orders for once sinceIhired three new bakers.ItrustLiamto handle all the in-person stuff, andIcan do everything except the actual baking and deliveries from my laptop and phone.Ireally don’t mind.”Shemakes a groaning sound that vibrates against my ear. “ButJackson, please just tell me if you don’t want me there.Iwon’t be hurt or offended,Ipromise.Idon’t want to intrude on your family time, andIfeel likeIkind of just invited myself to your family emergency.Sorryabout that.Ireally just want to help.Whateveryou need.”
She’ssorry?Forrescuing me from myself?Evenif she just kept me company on the three hour long flight and ignored me when we touched down, it would be worth her being there. “Youonly invited yourself becauseIwas too chicken-shit to ask you to come.Itmeans a lot that you want to.Thanks.”
“That’swhat friends are for,Nugget.”
“Thankyou,Selena.”Idon’t waste time correcting her by telling her that we’re not friends, we’ve never been friends, and the thoughtsI’vebeen having about her aren’t friendly… orfake.
“Okay, good.Whenare we leaving?DoIneed to buy a ticket?”
